I have a friend who is older than me. I am 23 and barely started dating. She is 32. Just got married after just one year of dating. I was very confused as she barely did any dating in her 20s. No one was good enough for her.
She married a guy, late 30s who is good looking and successful. Not rich. But well above average. She has her own job too. So they are upper class but not in “that” category.
I was telling her how difficult dating is, that most boys are not serious. And she said to go for older. That it was her mistake she went for guys her age. In her 30s dating scene got better and she found her man easier.
One thing led to another and we discussed fidelity too. She smiled and said that a man who doesn’t cheat is a man who cannot cheat. And successful man will always be able to do it, because they have options. And a man who is always available for you it’s someone who doesn’t have a lot of stuff going on in his life. Self sufficient men, rich or not, are way more attractive than the other guys.
What is your opinion about this? She got me confused because I would want my man who is always available for me and romantic with me.
Comments
I have hobbies and friends that I spend time with. So does my husband. (Married 35 years.) When he retired and started being around all of the time it was hard. He counted on me much more to be his entertainment and for it to be like vacation time together.
People should have interests past doing everything always together. It is a far more well rounded way to live.
But of course you do you.
She sounds like a cheater.
Follow your heart, not what other people did in their life.
She’s telling you those things, because she’s trying to show you that she got -lucky- and she wants you to admit that she has the best love life.
I only follow advice if they tell me precisely their point of view, not some hypothetical stuff. Otherwise, might as well go for 70 yo, they’ll surely not have energy to cheat on you. Speaking of cheating, no one can read minds, you’ll never know what other party is thinking or planning.
Relationships are built on a trust. It you keep telling yourself you want 1.87m tall husband with blond hair and blue eyes who drives black Mercedes S class and has a house with 2 bathrooms — I think you know where I’m going: if you limit your choices for some nonlogical reasons, you’ll most likely stay single for a long time and your brain will refuse to accept anyone who doesn’t fit those premade looks – when in reality, they could be much better than those imaginary perfect husbands.
Any man who wants to cheat will cheat, That’s the same as any woman who wants to cheat.
Choices are made when opportunities arise and either someone is loyal or they are not, it’s as simple as that.
i mean its simple logic:
men who dont have opportunities to cheat are not capable to cheat even if they wanted. so men without options are indeed not able to cheat (unless the visit prostitutes)
however this doesnt mean that men with many options will cheat, depends on the person. however it probably takes more self descipline.
for that reason i wouldnt date a rockstar if i was a woman. always away and chased by groupies.
She sounds like someone I know that said if I don’t start putting out my husband will cheat on me.
LOL. They’re just talking out of their ass to make themselves feel better about their own shitty experiences. The cohort that thinks all men cheat and the ones that don’t just haven’t had the right opportunity… certainly are something.
Your friend is ridiculous.
This lady is sad. I met my now husband of almost a decade when we were 25. He and I have not had any issues of fidelity and even dated long-distance for a bit, too.
Don’t listen to her. She sounds like she is trying to make it seem like her husband is James Bond or something 🙄
Sounds like she prays on vulnerable guys that she will suffocate and lobotomize l.
Well it’s an Eddie Murphy quote from RAW I wouldn’t think too much about it
The thing about men is that they’re people. Everyone is different. Some are opportunists who will cheat if given the chance, some are loyal who would turn down every opportunity. It’s sad that your friend has had enough bad experiences that she holds this dim view of people. Don’t be so jaded that you don’t trust a good man when you meet him.
I mean the way she worded it is wrong but in essence is right , ofc a successful man can cheat easier cause he has a lot of options , whereas your average Joe doesn’t have that many options to cheat with. She’s basically saying it’s less impressive for the average Joe to stay committed to the one person than the rich guy.
So essentially, not only would she find a relationship with a man who wants her undesirable, she’s literally only able to trust being in a relationship with a man who’d cheat on her. I’m not a psychologist but there are definitely some issues there.
What she says has a grain of truth embedded in it. 🤷🏾♂️
total bullshit. I know countless guys who have plenty of options, but are stand up men with zero lapses. Dont buy this toxic nonsense from some insecure girl…
If you want to do a deep dive on why she’s talking like this, check out FemaleDatingStrategy (FDS) on Reddit. Then go check out any Redpill manosphere guy.
You’ll very quickly become jaded from how the most extreme members of both sexes perceive each other. They basically assert that all relationships are a zero sum power dynamic, and give advice on how to “win” these games. At best, they weaponize and misinterpret science to fit into their worldview, at worst they just dehumanize the opposite sex and pathologize everything they do.
Normal people aren’t like this, but the internet will have you convinced they are if you spend enough time here.
Sounds like a sof launch to justify her actions
Sounds like an UNO reverse opinion.
Some men are just cheaters. Broke or rich. She’s not wrong on options. Yet it’s the same for women. Beautiful women can get hit on all the time. Especially if they work in a social environment.
I’ve had many options. Always politely turned away. The key is a happy marriage. Keep the bedroom active so lust issues are not present. I’ve had friends that cheated when the bedroom dried up. It matters. Of course that’s not all that matters. Don’t take each other for granted. Marriages are built over time and need maintenance just like anything else.
If you aren’t putting in effort to a marriage you can expect problems. It takes both people who want to make it work.
She’s right.
There’s an entire south park episode based on this as well where they wonder “why do rich men keep doing this”?
Hard to cheat when no one wants you (unless you pay for pussy).
She sounds like a cheater.
There’s a modicum of truth here. Women emotionally mature at a faster pace than men, but we’re not taking about a huge difference, like being ten years apart. It can be a smart solution to aim to date guys 3-4 years older than yourself, and to completely avoid guys younger than your age. though this is only a practical strategy on the apps. In real life though, you have to treat people as individuals and purposely look to date men that are emotionally mature.
It sounds like both of you have a tenuous grasp on reality
Obv this isn’t true for people of upstanding moral character.
But most people aren’t
Which is why this is a saying in the first place and no matter how much big changes wholesome therapy brainrot reddit likes to say it IS true for people across the board.
Men are tested when they have everything.
Women are tested when they have nothing.
One third of men will cheat at every available opportunity. Another third will cheat only if they can be fairly certain to get away with it. The final third will never cheat.
Your friend is wrong. I could have cheated on my wife a thousand times in the 15 years since we got married. I don’t want anyone else so I’ll never do it.
Your friend is jsut trying to comfot herself as a way of feeling better about herself. She’s probably been cheated on and trying to rationalise staying with him because she feels to old to find anyone else.
It’s sad really, no one should feel like that or that they can’t find happiness. Pity her and don’t worry about what she’s saying but avoid coming to her for advice or taking any she gives.
Younger me would have agreed with you, but as a 34 year old that’s experienced life, I see her perspective. She wanted to date someone stable and older. Just remember that you and her are not the same, sometimes you have to experience the world yourself. You’ll probably have different outcomes.
Just surround yourself with genuine people
Thats total BS … im married and would have plenty of options if I put myself out there to get them, but I dont because im faithful to my wife. I dont give women the time of day when it comes to even beginning to let them feel comfortable enough to trying to pursue me at all. Some people have a thing called integrity, that even when no1 is watching we do the right thing.
Chris Rock said that as well.
Real men raised by quality parents not in this lane from my experience
In the nicest way possible, this person sounds jaded
Your friend sounds very immature and not very bright
A man she likes. She’s right in case of the top 1% . Guys with many options are not eager to give them up. Unfortunately, Some believe that most women are going after top man so many share the experience. You need to understand the effects of the opinion of other woman on your choices. Also how is it in the interest of 30 year old women to have 20 year old going after her stock.
Absolute rubbish. I would never cheat on anyone – that is disgusting.
I’ve had propositions from girls and sometimes even friends that say I’m crazy for ignoring them, so yeah I get that a lot of fellas think differently.
But to be fair, around half of my male friends would never consider cheating. Maybe – some people are just shitty people, regardless of their sex/gender
She said its not about money as the goal. She barely even uses any of it… which I guess is true. She doesn’t really buy clothes or make up. She is very beautiful naturally. And has interesting hobbies. So not a shallow person.
But she was raised by a drunk father who never kept any job long term. And she had to provide for her little brother.
She said that for her a man with money is a man who is mature and ambitious enough so she can feel stable and safe with him. That money is a good indication of how disciplined a man is.
On average, women cheat more and it’s far easier for even an average looking girl to find partners, than for a good looking guy, for the simple reason that men are hungry for intimacy.
But that doesn’t mean that your man will cheat, even if he has plenty of options. Please don’t believe her crap. There are loyal partners out there in both genders.
It depends on person’s morals however many men and women will cheat when they have the opportunity. That is why cheating in Hollywood is so prevalent. Too many hot people. And hot and successful people love to fuck other hot people. They are around each other all day and it’s harder to stay away when you have the opportunity.
Many people have morals though. However I believe many men don’t cheat because they are just too lazy and not because of morals.
It’s a commonly held belief and sort of destructive. There is nothing absolutely true about it, but many guys will agree that it’s true.
Imo it’s an excuse to do what you want, and a product of our age. People – men or women – who act this way are people who can’t produce an advanced, rich civilization, nor form meaningful relationships. It’s been determined by J.D.Unwin that the only way to advance civilization is absolute monogamy, especially in regards women’s sexuality. If women don’t offer sex without a ring, then naturally guys won’t have anyone to cheat with even if they wanted to. If cheating on your wife or husband was punished severely, then we’d probably have less of it for the small price of a head on a pole outside the courthouse. It’s important to note that this belief is modern, and a product of modern societies.
When you invest into one person there is the potential to get more out of it, and even more so your children will get more out of it. If you spread yourself thin you get less out of it, children become fatherless and grow up violent, and there is just a lot of consequences that comes with it that cheaters don’t see blinded by the pair of knockers in their face.
I’m a guy. I’m not the most successful guy and I don’t care to be. Not the most handsome either. But it’s obvious to me that if monogamy produces the best results then I should be no worse or society will crash and everyone will be piss broke, without culture or love and overall miserable. And if I say we’re in a monogamous relationship then I’m going to hold myself to it, and you too, and if I didn’t my word would mean nothing and I would have no value as a man. It would change me and the relationship into something else, something that’s worth less.
Try and enter into the right relationship. I think that’s crucial. Don’t go chasing the hottest guys, accept one of the guys who come your way and form something real and lasting. It’s this desire for the rich and famous, the hot and the sexy that makes people do foolish things. Doesn’t seem to matter that prophets have spoken of desires for thousands of years, because in the years post the sexual revolution people are more dense than ever.
Your friend is pre justifying her infidelity