I (30m) started seeing this girl (24f) and the first few dates have been absolutely wonderful and last time I saw her we kissed a couple times and we send hearts and shit and talk often.
Yesterday I started feeling a bit insecure and weird after she told me she bought a house and going through it’s inspections. I’m very happy for her and kind of expected it as she is incredibly smart with a great career.
Meanwhile me coming from a place of rock bottom this spring, living in a run-down old camper with my cat and have been at the bottom of my electrical career for years due to BS employers and BS interprovincial rules.. I’ve quit a lot of bad habits like smoking, drinking, and started eating drastically better and going to the gym regularly. I still have a long way to go and she knows a bit of my history.
I know it’s the connection you have with someone which seems good with her but I can’t shake this feeling I can’t put a name to.. emasculated? Insecure? Generally down on my position in life? Envy? Where the fuck did I go wrong working/sweating my ass off in the trades?
I am happy for her but I can’t help but think “why would someone want a low-life like me?”
How do I push this feeling away and support them?
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Lift yourself up to her standards! It’s a great opportunity to be the person you want to be
No point in even thinking about it, you are wasting time doing so. Just lock-in, set some goals, do what it takes to achieve them and never look back! Cannot change the past, but you can create a better future, one day at a time bro.
She is killing it, just be happy for her and stop comparing yourself, that is how you support her. Don’t let her success influence you positively or negatively, let her be her, and you be you, and do what it takes to build up the version of yourself that you want to see.
Love isn’t always explained by logic. Try to have a conversation with her about this so you can at least move forward.
Anytime I’ve gone on dates or dated people who are at a further place in life financially or something, I genuinely just see it as a win? Like itsnt that a great thing?
But I also view myself as bringing value to a relationship because of who I am and not because of economic success or some 1950s world view . So it sounds like you’re used to measuring success for yourself as having money when you should view your value as your personality/other stuff.
Basically you wouldn’t be insecure about it if you saw yourself is having value for reasons unrelated to how big your bank account is
Do you wanna be the kind of guy that sees a challenge and thinks “I’m too weak for this, I can’t do it” and run away?
Or is there something about her lifestyle, and more importantly, her that makes you want to impress and protect her?
You can do it. You’re worthy man. You got this.
You should be proud of everything you’ve done so far, quitting all those bad habits. Keep going, you have no idea where you’ll be 1, 2 years from now.
You’re clearly pretty or something. Keep at it. How is a 24 year old affording a house???
Been thinking on this question too about potential dating a woman more successful then me.
And if you find common ground in other ways and feel at ease it can help to put these concerns aside.
what is a relationship? love, sex, conversation, shared values, good communication, common interests, dealing with housing, rent, bills. and in our current age, both people working. so far, no mention of gender roles. if she likes you, its because of who you are. if you see yourself as not a man, or not living up to some standard, then you have to figure out what ‘being a man’ means to you. so far, she likes that man. insecurity or lack of confidence will be something to look at. so far, you just have to support your partner in their success, if they were working in 7/11 or are going to be a CEO.
Do not do that to yourself, use her as motivation to pick yourself back up. Sometimes we need to have someone in our life that’s killing it to actually push ourselves past the limits
Set goals, keep working on yourself. The world really does change as we change. Look for career opportunities, new skills, personal development etc
AND enjoy the connection you both have in the present moment and your relationship. Stay present. Be yourself completely and enjoy her company as she is. And don’t worry about where the relationship is headed. Worry about where you are headed. That’s all.
im 30 year old woman who makes 6 figures and has owned multiple homes.
I’m very excited to go on a date Saturday with a guy who’s making like half what i make and living with his parents right now.(just moved back from another state).
ive never met a man who makes this much money as I do that I would date. like straight up. that would be fucking awesome. I’m planning on having a family and kids are expensive. but I’ve never even met somebody who makes as much money as me who would be worth my time.
but I’m dating people for people. it sounds like this girl likes you for you. and that’s really sweet 🙂
I recommend going to therapy. it’s not your fault you feel this way but it’s your responsibility to deal with it. it’s not fair for her success to cause a weird dynamic. she sounds great. please deal with yourself so that she doesn’t have to. she clearly thinks you’re worth it you need to think so too 🙂
Sulking about it doesn’t fix things. Keep doing healthy things.
Also don’t diminish Trades, plenty of engineers lawyers and doctors can’t hang a fucking picture frame. She doesn’t want a intellectual type, she wants a good person that can protector he, make her feel safe and get shit done. For reference Im and engineer.
If it helps, I’m a woman and I’ve felt this way in relationships with high-achieving men. So it doesn’t necessarily have to be about gender expectations (even though that’s admittedly a fairly common stumbling block in these types of situations). I felt sort of defeated for a long time, but eventually I realized that my feelings of inadequacy weren’t coming from my partner or from comparing myself to him, but because I was dissatisfied with my own progress in life. Instead of being embarrassed and ignoring it, I started paying more attention to the habits of my successful partners and asking them for input or suggestions on my own career and progress. I realized over time that I was just as smart or capable as they were, and it was my own fear and poor self-view that was holding me back. One thing that they all agreed on was that they didn’t know what they were doing at first either, but by “faking it til they made it” they realized everyone else felt the same. I emulated their confidence and it made a huge difference for me.
With my recent partner, it felt amazing to enter the relationship with both of us having successful careers and financial stability. I only wish I’d realized sooner that the main difference between a “successful” person and an “unsuccessful” person is the ability to pretend you’re 100% confident that you deserve to succeed.
You’re her project guy!! She’s gonna take you on and whip you into shape !! Be careful. Don’t get intimidated by her success. She’ll have plenty of insecurities just like any other girl. You have plenty to offer in the way of life experience. Instinctually she’s looking for someone to have a family with so keep that in mind.
You must be canadian.
I guess you assumed because she was younger you would feel higher status and more mature than her, but she proved to be more successful than you so now youre feeling emasculated like you said.
Dont worry she probably looking to provide for a man. Almost all the married canadian women i know own the house and pay the bills, the guy is just there to be a spoiled princess.
She likes you for you my dude. Keep at the things you are doing to improve and be happy for her for being successful. It isn’t a competition
Just tell her “you make me want to be a better man”
Then do it.
You’re not comparing bank accounts here. It’s about supporting and loving each other through growth.
Lock in bro.
Women dont care about that shit as much as we think they do. It’s about effort. Are you trying to be better? Are you trying to improve? From my experience its not what you have but what you’re willing to go get. Also from my experience dwelling on the inadequacies that exist will probably lead to insecurities and resentment. Celebrate that she’s more successful than you. Be genuinely interested in her story of how she got there and emulate that you want to be on the same status as her.
Dating in 2025 sucks and the bar for men couldnt be lower. Just be a good dude and keep trying. Forever. Until you die. Never stop chasing.
You have been socialized by society to think this way. You need to de-program yourself. A woman who is mature enough to marry wants a man who has character and integrity, does well in his work no matter what that work is, is kind, shares the responsibility of life together happily and not begrudgingly, cherishes her and learns her love languages, makes her feel emotionally safe and seen, lets her be herself and enjoys every moment of it without trying to control her, makes her laugh, gives her great orgasms.
This is difficult to find all in one person and more valuable than a high earner. If you can do all this stuff then you are the absolute GOAT, and you don’t need to worry about the wage discrepancy.
1 this is a great opportunity to learn but also to build yourself up.
2 is this not exactly what you want from a partner? A successful, financially stable person. It’s a huge win.
3 there is nothing to be emasculated about because you’re 30… your life isn’t over.
4 she chose you because you’re worth it
Get out of your own head. Comparison is the thief of joy. If you start looking at this relationship with this girl like a competition you’ll never be happy. It’s not a competition, and making it one is a path you don’t want to follow. Focus on your connection and enjoying what you’re building together
She likes/loves you and wants to be with you for a reason. Just try to do a little better every day and enjoy it!
You dont push the feeling away, or your confortable or NOT.
Usually the men should earn more then the women and be in better shape to date her, if not it wont be a balanced relationship, what your feeling is reality hitting on you.
How you deal with it makes the difference, and you will for sure need to level up, if not you already know what can happen.
I am sorry mate. Its normal biology for a woman to “date up”. Although, its completely her choice to date someone with different financial circumstances.
That being said, the problem is inevitably going to be caused by you. Your insecurity may lead to an unpleasant outcome. You must first come to terms with your situation. Accept it. And look forward to doing what you need to do.
At the same time, be confident and lovely enough to communicate to her your situation and give her a full opportunity to get to know you with all of your circumstances and situations.
Be comfortable having her make decisions for her own self. Even if that does not include you. There is a chance this may work, if she believes you’re comfortable in your own skin. Otherwise, the odds are stacked against you.
I want to be supportive and tell you everything will be okay, but if you are that far off from her she won’t wait or be understanding. Maybe she is a unicorn or just the rule. Good luck man building your life back up.
Why does her making more money than you bother you? She chose YOU, you should be able to be supportive cause it’s NOT a competition, but that’s just my 2 cents.
She’ll never feel satisfied with you, bro. All women need men who excel at EVERYTHING better than them. It puts them in their feminine, where they naturally want to be. A career woman is no different other than her bar for happiness is MUCH higher, nearing irrational, in comparison.
It’s cute, it’s new, the butterflies, etc. I get it. But don’t do this to yourself, man. Get yourself together and THEN look to bring a woman into your life. Not the other way around.
SHE WILL NEVER RESPECT YOU if you can’t atleast “keep up.” Remember this statement: Women need to first respect a man before she can love him. Men must first love a woman before he can respect her.
Women existing shouldnt be emasculating. This is for you to fix. Do you have a therapist?
You need to get over your own insecurities. Dating someone more driven and goal oriented can have a great impact on your life if you let it. She can help you be a better you.
Your worth is more than just money. You can be a worthwhile partner in other ways.