I 35F found a condom in the bottom of my dishwasher and was really puzzled. First of all, how does a condom even get into the dishwasher? I thought about it for a couple days then decided to ask my husband 34M when the last time he used a condom was. He and I don’t use condoms in our marriage usually. Sometimes just for fun or on an anal toy but we haven’t used one in a while. Hubbys response was “I can’t remember but I’m sure it was with you”. I showed him the condom and he said “ha! That’s definitely a condom!”, then took it from me and threw it in the trash. We talked a little bit about who and how a condom ended up in the dishwasher but I can’t shake this bad feeling that he’s not telling me something. Where do I go from here? Do I approach him again and press him? Do I let this all go? I wish I could talk to my friends about this but I don’t want to worry them.
35 F and 34 M We’ve been together since 2015 Married in 2020. 2 kiddos in the house 4 yo and 12mo.
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Sometimes men will use condoms to masturbate so that it’s not messy. Is that a possibility? I know the go to reddit answer is to shout that he’s cheating, but it doesn’t feel like he’s acting nervous or upset that you found one. I hope/wonder if there is a more reasonable answer.
Thats really weird. Was it open and used or what
Was the condom wrapped/intact or “used” (gross)?
Could the 4 yr old have found it in your bedroom and put it into the dishwasher?
That’s an odd place for one to end up. Like what….it got stuck to the bottom of a glass or plate?
I dunno. I trust my partner and he also has some jokester friends (despite us all being nearly 50) that will plant crap like that in our house and hope for some excitement. We find stuff and laugh and wait til the guys start asking if anything interesting was in our house. 🙄
Like tampons. I haven’t used them in a decade. Lipstick. I don’t wear it. And so forth.
Any chance someone in the household uses condoms like gum?
If you use them on toys, it seems plausible to me that it might have snuck in while you were cleaning one, got stuck somewhere, and was only now dislodged. At any rate, if you’ve got no other evidence of anything going on, and he’s not freaking out or acting weird about it, I think I’d just trust he’s got nothing to hide and let it go.
Be upfront and ask.
That would definitely raise questions for anyone. If it’s bothering you, maybe bring it up again, not accusatorily, but from a place of “I just can’t shake this, can we talk through it more seriously?”
Well. The good news is that is such an odd place that it doesn’t indicate cheating.
Hah. My old roommate used to throw her used condoms in the used cups in her bedroom. It was disgusting, but it was a way for her to be lazy and not walk to the kitchen right away. Maybe he’d do something similar and forgot about the condom and just put it in the dishwasher. Maybe the mistress did it to warn you as she knows he doesn’t empty the dishwasher?
Maybe it’s innocent. I’d put secret cameras up and keep my eye out for a while. But also talk about it, it clearly is still bothering you.
Um he used it on someone else … he used it on himself dick and or anal or maybe 🤔 the kid threw one in there ? Maybe that’s just strange.
I found a used condom in our dishwasher the other day, really unexpected. My husband acted all casual about it, which, I don’t know, kind of rubbed me the wrong way
Most people just throw them away and get a fresh one.
Just out of curiosity, do you own a dog, like a golden retriever, who might have found it under the bed and dropped it into the dishwasher while playing with it? (Instead of swallowing it, which would have been worse)
Maybe he was trying out some kinky stuff with a condom and had stashed the used condom in a bowl or cup? Just tell him that unless there is an explanation for how a condom ended up there that you don’t feel comfortable. It’s definitely a product of stashing and forgetting and I definitely don’t think it was a consequence of cheating. If it was I doubt it’d be as carelessly placed in a dish washable container and forgotten about.
Only other explanation would be the 4y/o somehow managed to find a condom and put it inside some empty containers that would go in the dishwasher.
Also curious did he seem quick to be rid of the situation? Did his reaction seem normal to him as your partner? Gut instincts usually have the right person but not always the right reasons behind the why in my opinion.
Like my girlfriend will think and say that my behavior is different or weird about certain things about stuff I want to avoid but it’s not usually for the reasons she thinks I do. She is right that I’m being avoidant but it’s usually for benign reasons.
Proper communication will always shine a light on doubt. Good luck 🍀
Sure it wasn’t the plastic from the pod? Sometimes mine don’t dissolve
Personally, I’d grill him hot till he came clean 🤷 either that or I’d immediately walk out the door bc I ain’t about being lied to or gaslit on how it got there.
Does he pack a lunch in Tupperware to work? Could have stashed one in there and forget when loading the dishwasher
I think it’s weird how he was quick to grab it and throw it in the trash. Like involuntary reaction to remove the “situation” from existence as fast as possible. It’s strange.
I’d just periodically ask and see if anything changes. Don’t be a jerk, just be honest
Honestly his whole response has me questioning things. He tried to minimize it by saying “ha! That’s definitely a condom!”, then took it from you and threw it in the trash like he was getting rid of evidence.
I’m thinking he knew exactly what it was, tried to make it look like it was a surprise, then quickly get rid of the evidence to head off a further investigation in the matter.
Edit: If I were you, I’d start to look into things. Maybe look at his phone, put cameras up, I don’t know, whatever you need in order to get more info on what is going on.
Did you potentially flush one down the toilet the last time you used it? If so, plumbing that is all connected to the same risers can backwash occasionally. Things can get stuck in the pipes for months and end up in your dishwasher or shower. It’s happened in my house and stuff from the toilet ended up in my shower.
Are you two the first to use that dishwasher? When was the last time you cleaned the trap?
Could be from a prior resident. It might’ve been stuck somewhere in the recesses of the dishwasher for a while and finally melted enough to get dislodged.
ETA: I’m totally going home and cleaning my dishwasher now. New fear unlocked!
Time to count the ones in the bedroom and inspect periodically. Maybe mark them inconspicuously too. If he was dumb enough to cheat, maybe he’s dumb enough to keep using your stock instead of buying a secret stash.
Who was the last person to load the dishwasher?
You can’t shake a feeling….. of what? That he’s cheating on you? That he had sex with another person, used a condom, then decided the best way to dispose of it was to put it in the dishwasher to clean? That’s preposterous and if true your husband’s an idiot or wants to get caught.
You even say so yourself, that you guys have them in the house and use them with toys or anal. Logically what probably happened is that one of those times it didn’t get disposed of property and ended up traveling through the house via random item, then that item got put in the dishwasher. Weird things happen by accident all the time that we can’t explain. It doesn’t mean that we should assume worst case scenario.
Even if there was sex involved, how did it end up in the dishwasher?
“took it from me”
Let that sink in. One does not simply touch a condom unless they know it was theirs. Think about it.