My MIL encourages my kids to continue misbehaving while my husband and I are trying to reason with them/discipline them. They are both older toddlers and are going through some rough phases in terms of behavior, as expected. She oversteps 24/7 and makes it seem as if she is their third parent. We’ve had countless talks with her and all she ever will say is “ok.” If we try to respectfully communicate a boundary with her she blows up and my FIL does the same. They egg each other on. Right now I am currently not speaking to either of them. I know this hurts my husband though. Despite him admitting that my MIL over steps and is overly sensitive and dramatic, he still insists that we go over once a week for weekend family dinner and that we allow her to have a relationship with her two grandchildren. I really need some advice. Currently we are only really seeing her once a week for family dinner but that’s still not good enough because although I’ve had limited contact with her now, she will find a way to be disrespectful. Things took a huge turn for the worse when we were just visiting some family and had to stay in the same house together for four days, which we will NEVER be doing ever again!!! We’ve been dealing with this behavior from her for the past 3 or so years and it’s getting worse and worse. Please help me. If more context is needed please let me know. This is my first time posting. I’m sorry if this ends up being too vague.
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The real problem here is that your.husband isn’t doing what he has to do to make them stop-meaning, he tells them that they are in time-out until they start respecting you two as parents. They have no reason to stop, because they aren’t paying any consequences.
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Your husband is the real problem. Stop with the weekly dinners until they respect your rules as parents. Is it time for the two cards for your husband? Do you need to tell him divorce or marriage counseling so you two can get on the same page? You should not tolerate this behavior as your kids will be the ones who suffer for it.
It’s not more important for them to have a relationship with their grandparents when those grandparents are teaching the children to be disrespectful to their parents. This is dangerous. What happens when your child doesn’t feel like they need to listen to you and run off in a parking lot and do not listen to being told to stop? I can’t stand these spouses who say the children and the toxic person “deserve” a relationship with each other simply because of blood and title. She’s going to continue acting this way because your husband is more worried about mommy and daddy’s tantrums than your mental health and the well being of his children. I would make this a hill to die on that visits and communications stop until they learn their place as grandparents and change their behaviors.