Hi everyone. I need advice… I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or truly being selfish.
My bf (27m) is an only child and his mother had him in her 40s. My bf and I (24f) have lived together over a year. His mom treats me well for the most part and is supportive in most cases. However, they are VERY close. That doesn’t bother me at all as she’s always been inclusive. They call twice a day (once morning and once afternoon) as well as text throughout the day. If my bf misses a call, it literally ruins her day. For example, he was on a boys trip and she was texting me throughout the week upset he wasn’t doing their normal morning calls. He recognizes that she lives through him and is very codependent but that has been the norm. His parents are married but fight often and have different interests. I have been included in the morning calls and if my bf is home when calling in the evening, we talk on speaker. Otherwise, the afternoon call is just them.
The problem is that his mom has very different interests and views on life than I do. She’s very superficial and hyper fixated on others physical appearance. She loves watching tv and movies and following celebrities lives. I have a very hard time maintaining and participating in these conversations as they are often talking negatively about someone’s appearance or about a movie I’ve never seen.
Yesterday, I sent her a selfie of myself with the children I was babysitting and she began commenting negatively on the 2 year olds hair. This morning, she started talking to my bf pushing him to stay longer in Italy for a wedding he’s going to without me (I wasn’t invited, and he’s been struggling to find the time off work for all the weddings we are going to this year so he’s only going for the wedding itself) and offering to help pay for him since she knows we have a lot of trips planned this year and it gets expensive (we are not hurting financially and have never asked for money).
After these conversations (and a history of similar conversations), I told my bf that since it’s summer and I’m off work (teacher) with no commute (usually an hour), I’d rather spend my mornings reading or quietly with coffee since I feel like I’m just listening on their check in and not contributing much to the conversation. His response was that is selfish of me to not participate just because it’s not convenient since I’m not in the car anymore. I explained it’s not the convenience factor, but that I just am not able to contribute to the conversations and it’s awkward to sit there silently on a three way call just to say bye at the end. Am I being selfish here? Should I just let it go and sit there? I don’t really feel like my participation is obligatory…
Comments
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You are completely UNDER reacting. So many red flags, so many. Twice daily calls 😳😳!!! With multiple texts in between? Her day is RUINED?!!?? if he misses a call. OMG.
This goes way beyond being VERY close. This is disturbing. Even more so when you mentioned she does not live alone. I’m sorry to say, your BF’s reaction to this is really, really not good. I’d recommend seriously thinking about if you want to continue this relationship.
And I have kids in their late teens/early 20’s. This is not even appropriate behavior if bf were 10 years younger (a 17 y/o).