I (27F) have been married to my husband (29M) for 7 years. We now have an 8-month-old son together. Throughout our relationship, his gaming has been a constant and growing problem but now it’s reached a point where it’s affecting every part of our lives: his job, our finances, our child’s safety, and my mental health.
He’s a truck driver, but over the years he’s lost four trucking jobs all for the same reason: staying up all night gaming and being too sleep-deprived to safely do his job. The most recent job loss happened just a week ago, and the one before that was shortly after our baby was born last October.
His sleep schedule is nonexistent. He will stay up gaming and talking on Discord until 6 AM even when he knows he needs to be up for work at 8:30 AM. There were times when he would video call me while driving, and I could physically see him nodding off behind the wheel. I was so scared for his safety (and others on the road) that I took screenshots and sent them to his mom out of desperation. He was furious with me for doing that and now refuses to video call me at all.
The issue goes beyond work. On Mondays, I work from home while he’s supposed to watch our son. Instead, he stays in bed until 2 PM or later. Three weeks ago, while I was working, our son fell off the bed because my husband fell asleep while “watching” him. That incident broke my trust even more.
Recently, when I noticed he hadn’t worked for two days, I asked why. He told me his load was canceled. But I checked his messages with his dispatcher and found out he was fired again for the same sleep-related issue.
His gaming addiction doesn’t just impact his work and parenting It’s also killing our relationship. After work, he comes home around 6 PM and immediately goes straight to his computer. He’ll sit there gaming, chatting with friends on Discord, and participating in Twitch streams until sunrise. He won’t even spend an hour with me or our son. He doesn’t help with chores, never cooks, and the house is constantly full of dirty dishes from his late-night snacking.
To make things worse, he showers maybe once a week, only when the smell becomes unbearable. Financially, it’s also a burden. He spends around $300–$400 every month on online tournaments and gifting random people on Twitch, despite us already struggling.
I’ve begged him calmly and during fights to seek therapy or even couples counseling. He refuses every time.
I feel completely stuck. I can’t afford to live on my own right now due to the high cost of rent in my area, but staying with him is destroying my mental health. I’m exhausted, lonely, and starting to resent him.
I’m at a loss for what to do next. Has anyone else been through something similar? How do you get through it?
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Curious how you still call this a marriage when what you’ve described sounds more like single motherhood with a roommate who drains your bank account.
Did I read this all correctly??
3.there is no relationship. No help, no hygiene, no partnership. Just avoidance and addiction.
You’re not confused. You’re just scared to admit that you already know the answer: he’s not coming back from this without consequences, and certainly not without wanting to. Right now, he’s not even pretending to care. That’s not a phase. That’s who he’s willing to be while you carry everything.
This isn’t a relationship.
If you’re in the US, call United way 211 and they can refer you to a local women’s center. Those people can help you sort housing, childcare, and legal resources.
There’s not much you really can do for someone who is an addict of any sort. They have to want to make a change. And even then, sometimes it’s best that they do it alone and not while dragging everyone else through the mess.
Probably not what you want to hear but this guy is going to keep dragging you down.
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You knew it was a growing issue and you decided to have a baby with him anyways? Well…
Gaming addiction is like any other addiction. The addict has to want change. There’s nothing you can do to magically make him want it. He currently does not want to change – he can game without consequences (clearly loosing a job isn’t a consequence enough, I presume in such cases you’re the provider and you keep the roof over his lazy head). Don’t threaten him with ultimatums and divorce if you’re not ready to pull through with it because addicts will test you. From what it sounds like you’re desperate to find any reason to stay with this man.
I understand why you reached out to his mother, you were desperate and scared. But quite frankly, you’re making an embarrassment out of yourself. His addiction is affecting you and making your life worse day by day.
Choose yourself and your baby. The man you married is gone. He’s willing to die over video games and has no second thoughts about possibly killing other people while he’s behind the wheel. You do not want your kid to grow up around a “role model” like that.
Im so sorry you’re going through this but it’s time to start making an exit with your son
You leave. Stay with friends, family. Whatever. 29m and can’t even bathe himself properly? Raise his children? Talk to his wife? You aren’t married. You are the mother to a man-child. So throw down an ultimatum, if he refuses, throw down divorce papers. He needs to step up if he wants this to work.
He can’t keep a job. If your income is not sufficient, then how does this work at all? I mean, he currently is without an income. You’ll be three people on your income.
Can you move in with your parents or something? Or is state help available for you?
He cares more about gaming than his job, you, child, or even his own wellbeing.
The only thing you can do is make sure you and your child don’t go down with his sinking ship that is already halfway to the Mariana trench. This should have been a dealbreaker way before you had a child but it better be now.
Leave him. He clearly does not value or love you or your child. He isn’t contributing financially, he’s spending $400 a month of video games shit? Insane. He’s lost 4 jobs over this? Holy shit balls that’s BAD. For the safety of yourself and your baby: kick him out or leave. He clearly doesn’t want to be a husband and father.
How can he be like this for years and you still decided it was a good idea to have a child with him? I really cannot grasp such a decision making.
This guy is just an irresponsible bum that you are unfortunate enough to have a child with. Leave him and collect child support. That’s all you’ll ever get from them because you can’t trust him to watch your son.
You say you cannot do it alone, but you already are. You cannot fix him and neither can he without professional help when and of he wants to. He has burned through a job every few months, how many do you think are left? Are you going to sit they until you have a negative balance enabling him? Open your own separate account and do not contribute one more penny to this. Call a shelter and get your child to safety. The shelter will help you find housing, at least the women’s shelters in my area do. You can save your money for the time you are there and they have grants to help you get started. You may not be willing to do what is necessary for you, but you are obligated to do it for your kid. You likely need counseling too during this transition. You have to find your self respect again and give tpur child someone to look up to.
Why did you procreate with him? Wasn’t it obvious he wasn’t engaged in building a life with you before your child was born? Or did you think you could change him (you can’t). Was it so much less of a problem in the beginning that you just figured it was a stage and he’d grow out of it?
You’re not currently married. He’s a squatter in your home who has access to your joint checking account. You already know you can’t stay married to him, unless you think it’s okay that your child sees his behavior and mimics it.
This is why you don’t get married at 20 years old, ffs. I don’t know why so many people think life is a race.
You will be so much better off without him. He is a huge liability to you and your son.
You don’t have a husband. You have two children. He needs therapy to get to the root of his issues. What is he trying to escape from? Treat it like an alcohol addiction. It’s all essentially the same thing. Addiction is addiction.
You have to put your self and child first. My husband and I game, but responsibilities come first. And we eat dinner at the table each night before going to game. We take breaks to spend time with the animals. None of his responsibilities are registering in his mind. We go to work. He’s too absorbed and how it’s impacted both of your lives is incredibly selfish.
Addicts only change when they want to change. It has to come from within. I think you should walk away. There are consequences for our actions. It’s time for him to face the consequences.
He’s an addict.
And he is putting himself and everyone on the road at risk .
Games often feed our need for dopamine. If he has depression, he might be dopamine seeking and using the game to self medicate.
He needs to see a doctor and get help, but he has to want to change to do that.
Sometimes you have to save yourself and your child. He is a grown man, and if he won’t seek help you can’t force him to change.
He puts his addiction above everything and everyone else.
It’s time you put yourself and your child first.
Open a separate bank account that he does not have access to for your own money immediately – deposit your work checks in there
He can’t spend money he doesn’t have since he isn’t working
Save up your money and then leave his sorry ass, but before you do change the Wi-Fi name to something petty like Pride4DeadbeatDads
And the day you leave change the password
Leave this man , do not let him model this behaviour to your child .
I’m surprised he isn’t fully blackballed. My uncle accidentally admitted he “sleeps” when he naps and it took him three weeks to overturn his physical.
(Fuck “resting your eyes” a nap is a short period of sleep, and that question was a GOTCHA.)
Apparently the “correct” answer was “When I nap I doze”. Cost my uncle $2k to learn that.
We took the physical on the same day, when I got the “nap” question, I said I don’t nap, and dodged the landmine entirely.
When I was a teenager I’d nap from 4pm to 6pm and get up for dinner, but that’s no one’s business.
Your husband is dead, this creature that replaced him should be put out with the garbage. I know that’s a trite answer, but gaming widows is not a new trend.
A lot of truckers game to cope with the lonliness on the road, but that isn’t what this man is doing.
The fact he’s barfing his money out on twitch is shameful, just absolutely shameful.
This is not a good situation, he clearly has a problem and you sound exhausted from working and being a mom. Sometimes you need to let people hit rock bottom (without you) so they get their Shit together. This seems like one of those situations. Sorry you are dealing with a situation like this .
You say you can’t afford to live on your own but he’s not only not contributing, due to his job loss, but he’s actually draining money from you. I don’t think you can afford NOT to leave him.
You’re already doing it all yourself. Might as well make it official.
Can you stay with a friend or family member to split the cost. If he refuses therapy, there’s no much you can do, you are trying to help him and he’s refusing
Does he bring in more money thab he soends?
Divorce.
Start with a separation. If he 100% changes consider a second chance.
But this is a grown adult. This is who he is. I would plan on moving on completely.
Op, you say you can’t afford to be on your own but aren’t you already since he’s either between jobs or spending the money on gaming ?
Op, you need a plan , go speak with a divorce laywrr and see what your options are, consider that your leaving could be the rock bottom he needs to get help.