Me and my girlfriend have been dating for the past 9 months. We met online 5 years ago and were virtual pen pals until about a year ago I finally decided to drive (long distance – Canada and U.S.) and meet up with her and we’ve been and we’ve been seeing each other since.
I recently found out that when we first began to see each other she was seeing multiple men and even used the word “roster” when talking to her girlfriends about me and two other guys. I had asked her if she was seeing other people when I first met her because I strongly prefer seeing one person at a time (call me old school I guess) and she denied it.
It wasn’t until 3 months after meeting her for the first time I actually had asked her to be my girlfriend, but I did that under the assumption that she was actually only seeing me and no one else. While she technically wasn’t my “gf” yet, we were texting non stop, calling each other babe/baby, FaceTiming, and basically everything you’d expect a LDR couple to do.
Now I come to find out she lied to me about it and when I confronted her she cried, said she was sorry, etc. but I can’t help but feel like a fool.
In my mind we were falling head over heels in love with each other and there was no one else and she even told me she was only seeing me.
But in reality, things just didn’t work out with the other guys (they didn’t want her) and then I asked her to be my gf.
I’m totally lost on what to do and just need any advice…I feel like I’ve been shot in the chest
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Staying is an extremely high risk gamble.
She’s a liar. And you’ll have taught her that you won’t dump her for lying.
So you either need to trust that she’s magically gained integrity in the 9 months you’ve been dating, or get comfortable with a partner who will lie to your face when it works for them.
Well. You didn’t agree to be exclusive so if she went on date with someone else, that’s not necessarily a dealbreaker.
>used the word “roster” when talking to her girlfriends about me and two other guys.
This however, along with the direct lies (saying she was only seeing you) as well as hiding shit (initial lying in your questioning), now there’s a dealbreaker. Can’t trust her man, people who treat people like rosters and scoreboards… as soon as she finds an upgrade she is gone bro.
From now on it’s likely that you will ask yourself always what would have been if one of the other guys wouldn’t have declined her and instead wanted to be with her?
In addition, for the guys to decline her also means that it was so serious already that she asked the guy to be her boyfriend. Otherwise, how could they decline her?
You were not only not her only choice, you were also not her first choice. Otherwise she would have asked you as well.
You have an “out” take it man. She already has her way of dealing with a member of her roster falling off. You didn’t say if your still LDR but if you are, the cut off should be easy.
I personally wouldn’t want to be on a “roster.” That’s just tacky and low class.
I dunno if you can come back from that. Why would you want to?
Yeah, I wouldn’t entertain her anymore.
It was the same for me and my Wife. She was seeing her go-to-guy when we started texting. She was banging him as we were texting throughout the days but she never wanted to be with him. She just got with him when she was between relationships. It gutted me when I found out she was with him during the beginning and then I also traveled (AZ to CA) to finally meet her. She completely ghosted him two weeks prior to us being together the first time and hasn’t bothered since but she told me the same thing…that she was single. Regardless of this situation…we still fell in love and she told me she ghosted him because of our love. I trust my Wife is what I’m saying. She’s shown time and time again that in the end she loves me and quit talking to anybody once she realized how in love with me she was and is. If this chick isn’t the one…then I’d move on personally. I only stayed because my Wife made the effort to love me deeply and showed me she only loves me.
OP- Your statement here says it all: “But in reality, things just didn’t work out with the other guys (they didn’t want her) “
Are you the only choice left, or do you want to be THE CHOICE? In the current situation, I think you know the answer.
Updateme
“I had asked her if she was seeing other people when I first met her because I strongly prefer seeing one person at a time (call me old school I guess) and she denied it”
When you asked her, did you explicitly say “are you talking to anyone else because I would like for us to not talk to other people while we are talking” or did you just assume then that you guys were on the same page. Sure, she could’ve told you the truth, but honestly, until you say you want exclusivity, you can’t expect exclusivity. If I just meet a guy, he doesn’t need to know if I’m talking to other guys too unless he explicitly tells me he only wants us to talk to each other and no one else
Dump her.
You are gonna get “you weren’t exclusive” from a lot of people who don’t care about personal connections. Be old school. Be someone who cares about their relationships. Women have the ability to care rosters and dating men who are serious but are unknowing of what they are doing. Don’t let people push you around and tell you to get over it. Just because other men have no self respect doesn’t mean you have to accept it.