A week ago, my sister’s husband (30M) came to stay at my place. He recently returned from deployment after getting injured, and since my sister is working in another city, he was supposed to stay with me for a week while recovering.
At first, I had no problem with it—I agreed to help him out, make sure he was okay, and just be there if he needed anything. But instead of actually resting and focusing on recovery, he spent most of his time drinking and smoking weed in my apartment.
I tried to remind him that he needed to take care of himself, follow doctor’s orders, and rest, but he just laughed it off, saying “I fought a war, I can handle this however I want.” The original plan was for him to stay a week, but when the time came for him to go home, he told me “It’s boring alone in my place, I’ll just stay here a few more days.” I felt uncomfortable saying no, so I let it slide.
But after 10 days, I finally snapped. I woke up in the middle of the night to loud music, shouting, and the smell of weed filling my apartment. I walked out to find him drunk and high with his friends, bottles everywhere, acting like he was at some kind of party.
That was my breaking point. I told him he needed to leave immediately and that I wasn’t going to put up with this in my home. He got pissed, called me “ungrateful” and “overdramatic.” I didn’t care—I packed his stuff and told him to go back to his own place.
Now, I’m just waiting for the fallout. I don’t know what he’s going to tell my sister, and I know he’ll twist the story to make himself look like the victim. But I don’t think I did anything wrong—I let him stay longer than planned, I tried to be patient, but he completely disrespected my home.
AITAH for kicking him out?
Comments
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How exactly are you being ungrateful when it’s your house, and he’s the one that needed a favor?
I would point out to your sister that his substance abuse issues were not helping his recovery, and that you didn’t let him in, so he could host parties at your house with strangers. NTA.
Damn right NTA. Brother-in-law’s a total loser, I get that he’s injured but that doesn’t give him carte blanche to trash your pad and disrespect you in the process. Dude was asking for it by showing up drunk and high with his friends, acting like some frat bro at a kegger
NTA he was clearly getting too comfortable he should of just went home in the first place
Why can’t you message your sister and tell her first? Plus it won’t take long for her to visit/check up on him and find his place reeking of booze and weed. NTA
Youre clearly NTA… why do you even need someone to day that. If your sis freaks out, tell her that she can deal with that stuff but you didnt marry him and dont have to. IMO hes TA from the jump, the rest is just reassurance
What’s holding you back from talking to your sister first?
NTA Your house, your rules.
NTA. You were kind enough to open your home, extend his stay, and offer support during his recovery, none of which obligated you to tolerate disrespect, partying, and reckless behavior. Being injured or having been through deployment doesn’t give him a free pass to trash your space or ignore your boundaries.
If he twists the story to your sister, stay calm and stick to the facts, you were patient, you encouraged him to care for himself, and you drew the line when he disrespected your home. Anyone reasonable would understand that. Setting boundaries isn’t being overdramatic, it’s protecting your peace. You did the right thing.
I would have FaceTimed my sister to wake her up to tell her about being woken up. Then I’d have handed my phone with her on it to her husband so she can talk to him.
NTA. But you are VERY lucky you kicked him out when you did. A lot of states have a two weeks rule. Another few days he would have had tenants rights and you would have had to go through legal eviction process – and be stuck with him for MONTHS.
I bet his wife doesn’t know he was defiling your home with drugs, friends and parties. I would let her know before he puts his spin on it.
NTA. Message you sister and tell her what happened.
NTAH. You did the right thing to make him go. Your house your rules. It can’t be that boring if he has his friends over. If he wants to entertain, he can entertain them at his place.
Ungrateful? How? INFO
NTA. I hope you called your sister and told her that there were issues and you reached your breaking point.
Fake post, generated by AI.
NTA. I’m not sure i could’ve lasted 10 days. He wasn’t there to recover. He was there to party, and he could do that all on his own. I hope your sister backs you up on this.
You should have recorded him to get proof to show your sister how her husband was just partying and doing drugs.
you really think you’re an asshole? what are you being ungrateful for. some man child stinking up your place? you should be thankful for that?
nah he sounds like a waste of space
NTA. Obviously.
Nta tell your sister the truth. If she wants her drunk and high husband waking her at stupid hours then she can look after him herself.
Tell your sister.
Grow a set, stop being a doormat. I can hear the guilt in your words.
your place, your rules. he violated your house and you had every right to defend your sanctity
NTA. And this doesn’t sound so much like you’re kicking him out for not taking care of himself, but more he was being disrespectful towards you and your generosity.
As a military brat, I can tell you that the military men I’ve known didn’t follow doctors orders for the reason your BIL stated. However, they also did not show that kind of disrespect for those trying to help them.
If he’s been on the battle lines, he may be decompressing as well as suffering from PTSD. You might want to discuss this issue with your sister.
No, you’re not. But why isn’t he staying at his own place? That’s where he should be, boring or not.
Tell your sister the truth.
NTA, you agreed to help him for a week, and you let him stay longer. He abused your caring for him and your hospitality. He told you he knew how to take care of himself and now he can. I would call/text your sister, not just to say you kicked him out, but why and that she might want to look into his issues with drugs and alcohol.
Why are you waiting to hear from your sister? Why aren’t you texting her and telling her exactly what happened? Don’t be a victim here. Stand up for yourself.
We do not continue to host people who disrespect our homes.
NTA
NTA – he didn’t care enough about himself to take care of himself. He didn’t respect you and your home in the slightest. He isn’t your responsibility.
NTA. It’s possible he needs mental therapy. Depending in what he did, how he got injured the weed and booze could be self medicating. He wouldn’t be the first vet to go down that rabbit hole.
NTA
NTA
Preemptive text/call to sis. Let her know your point of view before he poisons her opinion.
NTA, I’d give him SOME leeway, as he did just return from a deployment (was he in a shooting situation?) but no, he’s taking advantage and he knows it. I’m really sorry for the fallout I’m sure you’ll be getting. You were in the right though. Show the family that’s about to attack you, this thread.
He has a place to stay. It’s fine.
Another obvious AI post… Putting random words in quotations. Also him calling OP ungrateful, lmao. Ungrateful for what? AI didn’t even bother to explain, just put words that are usually used in these stories…
/edit: I’ve missed the double “–“. So this one is made by chatGPT.
Why th does he call you ungrateful? You are NTA! Talk to your sister. His behavior is plenty of good reason to kick him out. Tell your sister that!
Too bad you didn’t take pics of the mess to send your sis. Send her a text. Tell her exactly what happened and that you kicked him out.
NTA
Brother-in-Law abused Original Poster’s kindness. That party could have gotten Original Poster evicted. Try finding a place to rent with an eviction on your record.
It is a wonder he managed to get rid of this guy. This is why you never let relatives move into your residence.
NTAH
You MUST speak with your sister now. She’s a grown adult who made the adult decision to marry her husband. Therefore, she should know what is going on. You’re rug sweeping and avoiding the issue in the name of “family preservation” but you aren’t actually preserving anything. He has a home to go back to so you’re not making him homeless. If your sister wants to risk her job that’s on her. NTA obviously.
NTA you did a nice thing for him and he was unappreciative and incredibly rude. Out he goes.
He was taking advantage of you because you’re a woman and didn’t say no.
NTA why did he call you ungrateful when it is him that you were helping he’s a massive AH.
NTA
And if your sister gives you any grief after you explain all the incidents in your post, including the final nail in the coffin one, then she can go to hell too!
I’m sorry, you’re ungrateful to a loaf who is blasting music, interrupting your sleep, destroying your house, inviting his buddies over, and doing drugs.
The only person who should have been grateful is the man who was too bored to be alone and was given permission to avoid that loneliness by continuing to stay with you.
Talk to your sister. Tell her what happened. Let her sort her husband and her life. You can’t control any of this. It’s her turn.
NTA.
Nah WTF he overstayed his welcome, and he disrespected your home and had a party without asking for permission first. Deservesed for how he went about it, now he can do whatever he wants at his own house.
Sorry, what were you supposed to be “grateful” for? 😂
NTA, he did not respect himself or you, don’t worry about the fallout. Others will find out soon enough.
Tell your sister FIRST what he did. Don’t let him get to lead the story, take photos of the aftermath and send her those with a text saying your husband needs therapy, not parties. NTA
You are ungrateful? For what? Lol
Look you going to have to be firm about whatever stance you take, if you let this kind of thing slide once it’ll happen again and if it goes that way again this will be a recurring theme in your relationship. You can’t let her brother come before you in your own household. You both have a say and you’ve already shown to have leniency and he took advantage of that.
If your wife can’t see that then…