I know I’m only 22, but sometimes I go back and forth on if I want kids in the future. Some days I’m like I want at least one but then some days I’m like yeah no. Idk if it’s because since I was young I’ve seen women basically tending to the child more than the father…the guy I’ve been seeing talked about wanting children and he mentioned that he does but there so expensive he wonders if he would be able to afford them one day. How did you guys know if you want children or not?
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Eh at 17 I said I didn’t think I wanted kids and it felt right. It wasn’t something I could ever be enthusiastic about. That was 20 years ago and I haven’t doubted it for a moment.
You’re young so you might be on the fence right now and that’s okay. When you know you know.
I never had strong feelings one way or the other.
Then I got into a relationship with my husband and we’re such an awesome team that I’m really looking forward to taking on the challenge of becoming parents together. I want to raise kids as a team.
I’ve always known I never wanted kids. I told my mother I wanted to adopt rather than give birth (because I was there when she gave birth to my brother and was immediately like “Yeah, no. Hard pass.”) but I mostly just said that then because I felt like it was expected. I didn’t know that not having kids was even an option at the time. Once I did though, I never looked back or even once regretted my decision. Not even when I had a hysterectomy at 31.
When I was younger I was on the fence about it too. It was when I was with my ex-husband that I was very against having kids. Now that I’m going through a divorce, I realize I’m actually open to them again. Turns out for me it was having the right co-parent and my former partner is not parent material for me.
The person who you marry is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make. If at all possible, try to make sure you find somebody on the same page on the critical aspects of sharing a life. Things like kids or no kids; how to handle finances, goals that you’re working toward, and even where you want to live. With kids it goes beyond just having them. You need to make sure you’re on a similar page. In terms of, will one of you be a stay at home parent, religion, vaccinations, and even if you want them in public school.
My grandma said if accidents didn’t happen there would be a lot less kids.
If you don’t have an overwhelming burning desire to have children, please don’t. You have to give up your own life/identity for 18-to however long years. If you’re not willing to do that, kids are not for you. And that’s okay.
I was actually super into having kids when I was younger. I thought for sure I’d have them. Now at 38, even if i hadn’t had my uterus cut out, I still wouldn’t have them. Declining health and a realistic understanding of what it takes mentally, physically, and financially to properly raise children showed me that its not for me. It wasn’t a great decision to make, I didn’t like admitting to myself I’d never be able to do it, but I knew it was true.
Moral of my story is life will change you. Its inevitable that you will change on a lot of big things in life. So you have to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you want kids more than anything and can raise them properly. If you’re not at that level, then don’t have them. Its better to wait if you’re unsure and foster or adopt in the future than to have kids you aren’t completely dedicated to and aren’t sure you want. Because no kid deserves to be born to parents who don’t really want them and can’t give them a good life. Don’t have kids to please a partner, your parents, or anyone.
I have always wanted kids, and it wasn’t an active “knowing” situation. It’s like “what is your favorite color?” sort of question; you just sort of KNOW. If you are questioning it, I would put you under the “probably not,” because children are HARD even with an active and involved partner/coparent, and there is no quitting once you’re committed.
When I thought about kids, I thought about teaching them things and mundane adventures in grocery shopping, I thought about sharing clothes as they grew up, or helping them through problems. Each of these imagined scenarios made me smile, and gave me a warm flush of happiness and anticipation.
I knew when my sister was born when I was 13.
If you’re back and forth, then don’t.
I knew I DIDN’T want kids and that seemed clear enough.
I really don’t know why I want to have kids but I just want to, I know all the responsibilities that come with that but idk I guess I just want to is a desire of mine
I always wanted kids. Ever since I was a little girl, I had a tendency to mother other kids.
It’s something I knew in my soul and body that I wanted and there was never a moment’s regret in having them.
I am 28 and having a hysterectomy next week.
I was never one hundred percent certain about having kids. Hell, it was never more than 50/50 at best.
When I learned my medical issues would make me infertile I had no desire to do any alternative paths to have children. Thats when I really knew for sure that it wasnt the life I wanted.
I feel a sense of relief that the choice has been made for me and I dont have to think about it.
Conversely, I’ve known I didn’t want to have children since I was … well, as early as I can remember — 3 or 4 years old. Never wanted to experience pregnancy. Not interested in being responsible for a little human. As an adult, I am more concerned about the trajectory of our collective consciousness. Can’t even imagine what it’s like to be a kid today.
Read this.
https://www.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/
I was ambivalent about kids and assumed I wouldn’t have any. Then I met my husband (just after I turned 30) and I was like “oh, I guess I could get married and have a family with this dude.” So I did.