For years I felt guilty about not wanting sex – then realized I was being coerced into sex”

So basically, I’ve been with my partner for over 4 years. Our sex life started off great, but at some point, I lost my sex drive. At first, he was pretty understanding and patient, but over time he became increasingly frustrated and started coercing me into sex.

Back then, I didn’t really understand what sexual coercion was, so I went along with it—I also felt awful about myself for not wanting sex. He would guilt-trip me, complain or cry about the lack of sex, get visibly upset when I said no, or bring up how his friends were at least having sex—especially when I’d compliment something nice one of them did for their girlfriend. Once, when I mentioned I was sleepy, he suggested having sex while I was asleep.

I didn’t realize that what he was doing counted as sexual coercion. All this time, I’ve been carrying the guilt of not wanting sex and blaming myself. It wasn’t until I brought it up to my therapist—trying to figure out how to improve our sex life—that she gently pointed out I had been coerced. That conversation honestly changed everything for me. This sub also has helped me understand so much more about what sexual coercion actually looks like.