Hi all, I’m in the midst of cutting off my MIL and the rest of my in-laws. I’m just waiting for my wedding to pass and I’m off the hook. Anyone else deal with a SPECIAL brand of MIL, the military family MIL?
We got engaged earlier this year and MIL completely overstepped with her idea of what our wedding should be like (and her own guest list; no she wasn’t paying), so we quietly changed plans by getting a courthouse marriage and dumped all the wedding money my mom gave me on a huge trip to Japan.
MIL and BIL got mad at us for getting married “out of the blue” at the courthouse, BIL didn’t even congratulate my SO. Everyone but these two have been happy for us. BIL has been rude to me even before that. I brought it up to MIL, and she justified his behavior; “That’s just how he is, he does it to me too”. I can pass off the wedding planning as over excitement, but justifying her other son’s rude behavior instead of being understanding was my cue to start separating from them because I can see my future and this was a battle I wasn’t going to win.
We planned one tiny wedding because I love my mom and my SO didn’t wanna deprive her of seeing her only daughter get married, but that’s it. My BIL can’t even come because of military stuff so it all worked out.
My SO has had to learn how to enforce boundaries and hasn’t quite mastered it yet, but he’s been a champ at moving in silence with me so his mom has no place to worm into our plans or life, and he’s been very understanding of me cutting them off.
Theres way more to this but I mostly wanted to vent about our trip to Japan. Maybe it’s not a big deal but it just made me snap because she is just so small-minded about everything.
When I told her we were going, she suggested we visit a military station from my husband’s branch (not Okinawa).
That’s it. Not what cities we’re going to, not what we’re doing, why we chose Japan, not an ounce of inquisition. She doesn’t care that her son doesn’t want to be reminded of work during vacation and that a station is not a fucking playground for tourists. Of all the wonderful things to see in another country, a military station.
Meanwhile, my mom jokingly begs to be stuffed in a suitcase so she can come. She’s seriously the best, idk how I’d handle this without her. She doesn’t even care about a wedding, she just hates to see me upset. Shes actually happier we used her money for a trip than a wedding.
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