(This is a throwaway account. My english is not the best, and I apologise for any grammatical or spelling errors.)
I (46m) and my friends (also 46m) meet almost weekly at one of our houses. Last time, my friend, let’s call him Paul, brought another person, (name also changed for purposes of this post) Carl. Carl seemed chill and usually, we don’t really mind having extra people for our gaming nights.
However, this was different. We were at my house, and my daughter, 14F, brought us some of the cakepops she made. She loves baking and is really good at it, and has recently been giving away her baked goods to friends, family, etc.
However, after she left, Carl said that she was quite sweet and her baking skills would make her a ‘good housewife’.
I felt slightly uncomfortable at that, but at this point, I simply told him that she can decide to be whatever she chooses. I regret not kicking him out sooner.
For slight context, my daughter is autistic and has seperation anxiety. Since her Mom was out of the house, she came in quite often to steal our snacks and linger. I don’t mind that at all, since she is usually rather quiet and just stays on her phone.
Carl, however, was weirdly focused on her. She was just lounging around, as usual, but he made multiple remarks about her being ‘distracting’ in a tone that made me really uncomfortable.
Finally, he said that she was ‘perky’ and he wishes she was eighteen. He also mentioned that I should ‘safe her for him’. Finally, he mentioned that she was probably ‘pink’.
At this point, I told him to get the fuck out of my house, that the way he was talking about my teenage daughter was entirely inappropriate, that he was a disgusting human and not welcome here.
Paul was upset that I kicked his friend out, and called me an asshole. My other friends support me and also do not welcome Carl back, and are also not willing to let Paul into their houses again after he defended his friend. I guess I just need some unbiased judgement on this situation. I don’t think I did anything wrong, but some of my friends have me feeling unsure.
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(This is a throwaway account. My english is not the best, and I apologise for any grammatical or spelling errors.)
I (46m) and my friends (also 46m) meet almost weekly at one of our houses. Last time, my friend, let’s call him Paul, brought another person, (name also changed for purposes of this post) Carl. Carl seemed chill and usually, we don’t really mind having extra people for our gaming nights.
However, this was different. We were at my house, and my daughter, 14F, brought us some of the cakepops she made. She loves baking and is really good at it, and has recently been giving away her baked goods to friends, family, etc.
However, after she left, Carl said that she was quite sweet and her baking skills would make her a ‘good housewife’.
I felt slightly uncomfortable at that, but at this point, I simply told him that she can decide to be whatever she chooses. I regret not kicking him out sooner.
For slight context, my daughter is autistic and has seperation anxiety. Since her Mom was out of the house, she came in quite often to steal our snacks and linger. I don’t mind that at all, since she is usually rather quiet and just stays on her phone.
Carl, however, was weirdly focused on her. She was just lounging around, as usual, but he made multiple remarks about her being ‘distracting’ in a tone that made me really uncomfortable.
Finally, he said that she was ‘perky’ and he wishes she was eighteen. He also mentioned that I should ‘safe her for him’. Finally, he mentioned that she was probably ‘pink’.
At this point, I told him to get the fuck out of my house, that the way he was talking about my teenage daughter was entirely inappropriate, that he was a disgusting human and not welcome here.
Paul was upset that I kicked his friend out, and called me an asshole. My other friends support me and also do not welcome Carl back, and are also not willing to let Paul into their houses again after he defended his friend. I guess I just need some unbiased judgement on this situation. I don’t think I did anything wrong, but some of my friends have me feeling unsure.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I kicked out my friend’s guest, as well as told my friend that he can never bring him again. My friends are on my side, but one or two think it wasn’t fair. I think I maybe shouldn’t have acted so quickly. However, my daughter’s safety is my only priority.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Carl is a predator, thr kind that women SHOULD be scared of.
Paul is an enabler – the kind who bleats “not all men” when women say some men scare them.
Please keep both of these men out of your home, life, and anywhere else your daughter is.
NTA
NTA. Absolutely not.
>Paul was upset that I kicked his friend out, and called me an asshole.
He needs to go as well.
>My other friends support me and also do not welcome Carl back, and are also not willing to let Paul into their houses again after he defended his friend.
You’ve got all the confirmation you need right there.
Soo fake.
Paul needs to go as well.
NTA, but Carl is definitely gross.
The friends who are causing you to doubt your decision aren’t friends. NTA.
Get rid of Carl. You did the right thing
NTA. No decent human being would even think that shit Carl said, let alone feel comfortable enough to actually say it out loud in company.
Honestly, I’m with your friends here. If Paul really thinks you were an asshole for kicking out Carl, then you should probably think about cutting off Paul, too.
NTA. Carl was perving on your underage daughter. Good riddance.
Carl is a creepy predator. Paul is just as bad for defending him. You’re a good papa
YTA for this fake ass post. No shot this is real! It’s like saying “Am I the asshole for reporting my friend to the police for murdering someone in front of me?”.
It is both very clear who is right and who is wrong here and it’s a topic that would get a lot of peoples blood boiling.
NTA – a grown man who starts talking about the color of the genitalia of the underage daughter of the host and putting dibs on fucking her? If his friend is defending him, it wouldn’t be a stretch to say he holds similar views. Best case scenario, he didn’t know his friend was a creep, is embarrassed by what happened, and is trying to dig himself out of the hole he’s in.
You did the right thing to protect your child by kicking him out. You did nothing wrong. Don’t feel bad at all about your friend. If he can’t stand by you for telling off a guest in your own home then he’s not your friend either.
Nta,
but op may I suggest you to talk with your daughter? Just warning her if she see the two guy, avoid any confrontation or don’t talk with them. For her own safety, like we all read here on reddit, how people who get call out, started stalking, and ‘hey, remember me? I’m your dad friend etc’.. Yeah we don’t want that.
Carl is a gross pervert.
NTA
Honestly kicking both Carl and Paul out would be the correct thing to do – both for your daughter and the rest of your friend group. It’s no accident that the rest of them are with you on kicking Carl out and are freezing Paul out too. Honestly, even if Paul apologised, I’d be wary of letting him back in – if he’s friends with a guy who can say disgusting things about his host’s teenage daughter, what is he thinking in private himself?
Nta.
Keep that man away from your daughter.
Y T A for not kicking out Paul as well.
Why would you care what a couple of perverts think?
Keep Carl far away from your house, if your friend Paul doesn’t get why keep him out too.
NTA, good dad!
NTA a million times over. Carl is a predator without doubt and Paul is no better if he defends that behaviour. You are doing the right thing kicking him out and should not allow anyone who doesn’t agree with this in your house either. You protected your daughter and also taught her a valuable lesson about what to do when a man speaks about her like that (which will unfortunately most likely happen again)
Carl should be (or maybe is) on a police file and Paul should be as well.
Tell your daughter’s school you don’t want Carl anywhere near her.
Absolutely NTA. That man is a predator, and your friend who thinks that his behaviour is ok is no better.
The ‘pink’ comment is especially concerning and a HUGE red flag.
I mean, I’d have fed Carl to my chickens.
Carl was so way out of line.
NTA how was he that comfortable saying those words in front of you?? I would go to the police just so that there’s a record of that pedofile on record.
I don’t understand why you didn’t kick him out sooner. I don’t think any father worth their salt would allow that kind of talk