I (18F) wanna to go to a gym and work on myself but my boyfriend (19M) is against it. What should we do?

r/

My boyfriend really despises me wanting to go to the gym to work on myself. He knows my dad will also be at the gym while I go there, I also told him we could call and that I would wear baggy sweatpants and a hoodie with a sports bra on or a jacket with a shirt and sports bra on. But he keeps pressing on me that I should also wear a shirt underneath the hoodie but that makes me feel like it would suffocate me. He also does not want me to converse with anyone in the gym, not even a simple conversation. I’ve also told him that we could gym together but he isn’t that financially stable to afford a membership to the place I’m going to, but I have offered to pay for 3/4 of the expenses of the membership and traveling since he would also be traveling for around 30-50 mins via booking a motorcycle since he doesn’t have his own vehicle yet, it’s like an uber from where we are from just to get here since he is kinda far away. For some information I am not overweight but I am kind of chubby so I wanna work on myself and have a healthier lifestyle because I’m always up all night and playing games and my energy has decreased by a lot, that also affected my studies. My boyfriend is not a gym goer and he’s the reason why I’m always up and playing games and we both do enjoy them, he also sometimes helps me with my studies if he knows how, he doesn’t really do any workouts but he goes out everyday because his mother asks him to buy daily needs for them and pickup his little sister from her school which he always only walks since it’s not very far. It’s really unfair, I barely go out so I wanna change that about myself and start working on my lifestyle and focus on myself and my studies again but not leaving him behind.

I apologize if my grammar and spelling are incorrect, English isn’t my first language.

Edit: My height is 160cm and i weigh 137 pounds

Comments

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  2. refrigerator-number Avatar

    Your bf is being crazy

  3. bafadam Avatar

    Break up with this loser now and you’ll be way happier in the long run.

    This controlling behavior will never change.

  4. RVAMeg Avatar

    None of this is normal or healthy, and you need a safe plan to leave.

  5. Pristine-Special-136 Avatar

    Run! One of these days a man is going to look at you in front of him; he will blame you. That is when abuse starts. He is trying to control you, run, girl!

  6. 5_4Ag Avatar

    He is extremely controlling and it will get worse. Leave.

  7. Snoo_47183 Avatar

    Lose 180lbs in just one day by breaking up with this controlling dude. Then go to the gym as often as you want, wearing whatever you want (which won’t be a hoodie with sweatpants cuz that’s way too darn suffocating!)

  8. Opening_Track_1227 Avatar

    Go to the gym and work on yourself. You don’t need your boyfriend’s permission 

  9. UnpleasantGremlin Avatar

    Chuck a few paragraphs in that and it would be fine. So don’t worry about your language.

    INSTEAD worry about that controlling behavior. The main question – does he have any prior precedent to distrust you? And I’m not talking about being cheated on by an ex here, is there any reason YOU have given him to distrust you?

    If the answer is no – which I suspect it is… NTA.

    All that clothing at the gym? Madness. Yes cover up enough to not be showing everything off (like for example… make sure any leggings you wear don’t go rather easily transparent when stretched), and make sure you’re not jiggling everywhere (that shit just hurts)… but beyond that dress for comfort not modesty.

    Your body, your choice. He absolutely has no right to say you can’t go to a gym or control what you wear (beyond you know, asking you not to have your ass and tits out in public which the gym staff would have something to say about too).

  10. MaggieLuisa Avatar

    He quite simply does not get a say in this.

    You are allowed to go to the gym. Wearing whatever you like. You don’t need to go with your Dad, stay on call with your boyfriend, or avoid talking to anyone. And he needs to shut the hell up about it, because he’s being completely and utterly unreasonable about this.

  11. floppybunny86 Avatar

    You go to the gym. You wear what YOU want to wear, and what YOU feel comfortable working out in.

    And you dump your controlling BF.

  12. Vuirneen Avatar

    Dump your controlling boyfriend.  You can find one that respects that you have your own wants a desires and who accommodates them.

  13. RegularCantaloupe767 Avatar

    Find a new boyfriend

  14. Toris1 Avatar

    You should be able to do whatever you want to do. He doesn’t sound very nice. Get away.

  15. booksiwabttoread Avatar

    Leave him. First it is the gym. Next time he will be upset that you said good morning to a cashier at a shop. Then, he will want you to quit your job because he doesn’t want you working with men.

    Run, Run, Run.

  16. ThrowRAsadpaingirl Avatar

    The fact that you’re questioning this and seriously considering it or him as a viable partner is concerning me that you don’t have self esteem healthy enough to be in a relationship with someone who treats you the way you deserve.

  17. Luna-Fox-19 Avatar

    That sounds like a start to a controlling relationship.
    When I first started dating my ex I was 18 and we had a great relationship in the beginning, I had my flaws, he had his. A year in and I wanted to join the military so I wanted to start working out. He was super against it too. After a week of me working out he demanded I show him my progress. It had only been a week… he degraded me for being weak and not getting anywhere with working out and insinuated I was just using the gym as an excuse to do other stuff. It took me 4 years of his controlling behavior before I finally left him. He worked as a delivery driver for a pizza place and it got so bad that he started demanding I stayed in the car with him while he worked delivering pizzas because I wanted to hang out with a friend.
    4 years before I ran….

  18. Affectionate-Low5301 Avatar

    Keep the gym membership and workout and ditch the boyfriend. If he wants to constantly sit, that is his choice, but it is your body and your health that you are looking out for.

    You mention that your dad is at the same gym. Is he aware of your boyfriend’s behavior?

  19. PersimmonDowntown297 Avatar

    Obviously thats not okay. You have to know that that’s not okay

  20. Alternative-Art-7712 Avatar

    Okay. You could buy a indoor bike or a treadmill. The item do not need to be new and can be used. I see people posting exercise bikes that are already assembeld that have been used like twice. I use to go to the gym and I would ask a fit looking person for advice male or female. I am intelligent and this is how I learned how to use the weight ball and other things because at that time I had no clue. hehe. I think you need to call your dad and tell dad what is going on. Tell your dad not to say anything to your b.f about it.

    Why he telling you what to wear? : Why he telling you not to talk to any one?

  21. GT33467 Avatar

    Wait a second!!!! You’re young, so I’m gonna be kind and helpful. You should never dress a certain way to appease anyone. You should never not do something you enjoy because of the way your 19 y/o boyfriend is going to feel or because he’s insecure…

    I’m sorry, but you’re 18 and this young boy is very controlling. Why would you want to live like this??? You’re 18 and these are the best times of your life and you’re allowing someone to basically keep you in prison…. If I were you, I’d ditch this little boy

  22. TryLanky4469 Avatar

    A healthy relationship supports the growth and well being of the other person. I would explain this to your boyfriend. If he really cares about you he won’t be so jealously controlling. Find a boyfriend who cares about you.

  23. SeriousEye5864 Avatar

    This is disgusting. Your boyfriend is so controlling he sees normal, every day life as threatening. Is that really what you want?

    Edited for typo.

  24. time4moretacos Avatar

    Dump your boyfriend, he’s being ridiculous and controlling, and he’s only going to get worse. You also shouldn’t be paying for anything for him, I mean outside of maybe date stuff and the occasional gift… but not his gym membership, not a motorcycle, not his bills, not his rent, etc. I think you should have a conversation with your dad or another trusted adult about what a healthy relationship looks like, and how you should expect to be treated in a relationship. You’re very young, and you need to learn what red flags in men look like- like your boyfriend- so you don’t get taken advantage of or abused.

  25. BigShaker1177 Avatar

    That’s a red flag 🚩! If he doesn’t want you working on you then RUN girl RUN

  26. HelloJunebug Avatar

    You break up with him. This is controlling and abusive. He says you can’t wear what you want, can’t talk to who you want, can’t work out and better yourself. Girl. You’re 18. Don’t waste your life on this abusive controlling guy. It will get worse too too if you stay. Imagine your best friend or sister was telling you this. I’m sure you’d say what I’m saying. UPDATEME

  27. Wilmaz24 Avatar

    Leave before your dead, I’m dead serious. He is crazy controlling.

  28. Thrill_Junkie_Mama Avatar

    Oh hun, please don’t stay with this boy. Behavior this controlling is very scary. Often men like this start the physical abuse once they think they have you trapped. Sometimes that is getting you financially dependent on him, cutting off some of your support system, getting you pregnant, marrying you. Then the controlling and abusive behavior escalates. Does he pick fights with you or constantly demand your attention when you go out with friends? Does he pick fights with your family and convince you it’s their fault? Is he constantly jealous? Does he have outbursts of anger and convince you that it’s your fault for getting him so upset? Sweetie, please leave before you get in too deep. And if you have been ignoring your friends, now is a really good time to reconnect with them and keep a support system close.

  29. PrestigiousFace6756 Avatar

    Go to the gym, wear what you want and don’t date anyone who tries to control you.

  30. TeamStark31 Avatar

    You need to lose this whole person. You’re 18. Don’t start your life out being shackled to a crazy person like this.

  31. Kiuuura Avatar

    Young lady you’re 18yo, don’t let yourself dictate by an insecure guy. Go to the gym without guilt 

  32. trillium61 Avatar

    This is abuse. No one gets to tell you what to wear and how to live your life. He’s controlling and it will only get worse. The fact that you would have to pay for things like a gym membership is concerning too. He is an adult and should have his own money. Why are you tolerating this crap? You deserve better.

  33. No-Past-2828 Avatar

    Why would you obey a 19 year old boy 😂

  34. km4098 Avatar

    Do NOT pay for any of his gym,

    He’s insecure and controlling which is super unattractive. He doesn’t want you to work on yourself because you’ll realise what a dead weight he is.

    This is far too much effort to go to. You should be able to wear whatever you want to the gym.

    Him wanting you covered up just tells you how he perves at women and expects other men too

  35. jk10021 Avatar

    You need to run away from this controlling man. This is borderline abuse. You’re so young. Go find a better man.

  36. Reasonable_Wasabi124 Avatar

    Get away from him. He’s trying to control you. You are not his slave. I know it feels good inside to say you have a boyfriend, but this guy is sooo not worth your time and you sacrificing your own interests because he is so insecure. Tell him he needs to go work on himself.

  37. ShtankAsh Avatar

    The correct solution is to go if you want and leave him if he has a problem with it. Dude’s super insecure and controlling and it’ll only get worse

  38. IrmaVep21 Avatar

    Why on earth are you even entertaining this? Leave this loser

  39. SirLesbian Avatar

    The insecure and controlling guys like this don’t tend to get better with age, only worse. It’s a tale as old as time.

  40. Miss_Might Avatar

    Find a new bf at the gym. Problem solved.

  41. Levelheaded411 Avatar

    The is a controlling and abusive relationship. Leave!

  42. OysterQueen250 Avatar

    Please break up with him! Never allow someone to control you. I was in a very abusive relationship and that person would scowl me whenever I did an exercise “in front of another man” on purpose when I was simply working out. Made me hate going to the gym and stop loving myself. Get out now!

  43. jimmyroseye Avatar

    This controlling behaviour is absolutely unacceptable. Break up with him and don’t look back. You’re so young, don’t waste any more time on this bullshit.

  44. Issamelissa84 Avatar

    Get rid of him. It will get worse.

  45. YaDamme Avatar

    I don’t quite understand the question ?
    If it were me I would be going to gym . He does not own you and has no agreed intent to control your movements
    This is something that all young people should look out for this is control and a form of abuse . If he does not trust you he needs to look within himself and fix his ways not control yours

  46. rockinvet02 Avatar

    I didn’t even read that. The answer is break up.

    Never get in a relationship where a guy tells you what you can and can’t do.

    Never.

  47. Enough_Ambition_3179 Avatar

    He’s being controlling! You need to dump him!

  48. SulSulAwasaPoa Avatar

    My favorite advice fits again; DUMP HIM

  49. loricomments Avatar

    “We” shouldn’t do anything. You should seriously consider dumping your boyfriend because he’s got major insecurity, jealousy, and control issues.

    Go to the gym, wear what’s comfortable for you and tell him to deal with it or go. You are an adult and are doing nothing wrong by working on yourself, don’t let him hold you back from being your best self.

  50. changelingcd Avatar

    He’s insanely conservative, paranoid, controlling, sexist, and not even 20 yet. What a prize. Have you considered dumping his ass and doing what you want? Stop trying to find compromises or ways to placate him. Tell him you’re fucking GOING and he can do whatever he likes. Your gym routine is literally none of his business.

  51. Then_Ant7250 Avatar

    Break up with this man.

  52. paintlulus Avatar

    Why do you need his permission? Does he ask for your permission to do things?

  53. ThrowRADel Avatar

    Your partner is controlling and unreasonable.

    You are allowed to exist in public and talk to people. He doesn’t own you just because you’re in a relationship; you’re a fully realized autonomous person. You get to have hobbies and work out.

    His insecurities are not yours to fix – it’s impossible to fix them no matter how much you alter your behavior. He is using this (controlling you) as a shortcut instead of working on his own mental health, and that is unfair to both of you. Relationships should help you both grow, not diminish both of you; that’s what he’s doing right now.

    loveisrespect.org

    Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

  54. BenneB23 Avatar

    You absolutely should be able to work on yourself and go to the gym if you want to. It’s hard enough as it is, without all the additional rules that are forced upon you to ‘allow’ you to go. It has nothing to do with him and his opinion of it is not as important as you make it out to be. He sounds incredibly insecure and controlling. What does your dad say about all these rules to follow, just so you can go to the gym where he is?

    Also, don’t go to the gym with your bf. The fit guys there will make him even more insecure than he is already. Also don’t let him have a say in what you wear to the gym. Unless you’re going in your birthday suit it’s none of his business really.

  55. nychv Avatar

    Omg break up with him

  56. ThrowRA_Cat_stare Avatar

    Just go to the gym, wear whatever you want, ditch the dead weight.

  57. Different-Dare-1279 Avatar

    Girllll go to the gym. I would just start going and not say anything about it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ You don’t need permission to go work out.

  58. VerityPee Avatar

    Dump him for being a controlling loser and then go off and be your best damned self.

    You’re too young for this shit. Then you’ll immediately be too old for this shit.

  59. ImgnryDrmr Avatar

    He is stopping you from trying to improve yourself. Why do you allow him to do so?

  60. SpartanWolf-Steven Avatar

    Well it sounds like he’s either protective of you (which is good) or he’s super prone to jealously and doesn’t like the thought of you showing off to gym bros (bad) ….. or actually he’s insecure and thinks you’ll leave him for someone you find there …. (Really bad)

    Talk to him about what he’s worried about. There’s always home gym equipment that isn’t too expensive.

  61. CaptainShortAssOG Avatar

    Bf sounds absolutely insane.

  62. Dry-Butterscotch4545 Avatar

    Do you realize you didn’t name one redeeming quality of this guy?

  63. Different-Version-58 Avatar

    I’m worried for you, your boyfriend is incredibly controlling and none of this sounds like a healthy relationship.

  64. herdases Avatar

    Do what you want to do. There is no legitimate reason for not wanting your partner to go to the gym. Any excuse or reason he has is completely related to him and flaws in his thinking, not yours. Getting healthy and in shape is a great goal and more important than some dude

  65. Vixyplatinummm Avatar

    didn’t even need to read past the first couple sentences. this dude has issues, please don’t waste your youth on this.

    really worried for this next generation of dudes

  66. ExterminatorRex Avatar

    Throw the whole man away. You should never let someone tell you what you can and can’t do. Tell him he’s not allowed to do something he enjoys and see how he likes it. Don’t entertain him any longer, he’s being a control freak

  67. ShesJustThatG Avatar

    He’s being controlling

  68. Jen_Gelfling Avatar

    “I want to walk down the street but my boyfriend doesn’t want me to? Should I marry him?”

    These must be bots. No girl is this dumb.

  69. Ponchovilla18 Avatar

    You go anyway? Listen, hes not your owner, you dont need to check with him and seek his permission to better yourself. Him not wanting you to go is controlling behavior

  70. Electronic_Unicorn_7 Avatar

    Your bf isn’t financially stable, yet affords the audacity to control what you do, what you wear, and who you talk to. I’d say you need to lose the weight of this jerk first as an initial step to taking care of yourself. This is red flag city and will only get worse over time.

  71. WesGoldie Avatar

    Break up with him. He sucks.

  72. Relatively_Average Avatar

    There are many versions of romantic relationships: one is that a relationship is mutually supportive where people work to help each other become the best versions of themselves, support each other through difficult times, and realize their dreams. There’s another version where one person gets to do all of that, and the other person is expected to sacrifice themselves to enable the other person to do what they want, even though it means that the other person can’t be who they dream of becoming.

    Your partner doesn’t want you as you are, he wants you as he wants you to be. Whenever you choose to do something that threatens his image of you, he tells you no. Maybe he gets aggressive, or threatening, or calls you names, or gives you the silent treatment. All of those things are abusive, by the way. That’s not how we should treat someone we love.

    Going to the gym is such an innocuous activity that most people just take for granted. The idea that your boyfriend thinks he can dictate what you wear is especially concerning. It sounds controlling and like he doesn’t trust you, even though you know you haven’t done anything to earn his mistrust (another red flag).

    It’s up to you whether you continue to tolerate being treated like your wishes and desires don’t matter, and hiding who you really are to please someone who sounds like they don’t want to be pleased (less control, I guess).

    Or create space for yourself to fill. You are allowed to take up space, you know, even in a relationship. Personally, I would rather be alone than live with the disapproval, anxiety and pressure of someone who says they love me but only conditionally. I would rather leave open the chance to find someone who will genuinely like me as I am, instead of settling for someone who keeps shutting me down. You deserve more.

  73. Cosmic-Princesa Avatar

    He can’t control you.

  74. Constant-Ad4527 Avatar

    Girl – go to the gym and wear what you want!!! You are 19 so if this guy has a problem with this you need to separate yourself from him ASAP. You do not want to endure years of this type of controlling behavior before you realize you just wasted years of your life on an emotionally abusive relationship. I am not someone who just advocated for breakups, but in your situation his behavior is inappropriate.

  75. re4dyfreddy Avatar

    Your boyfriend is attempting to control your life. This will not get better, it will only get worse. Get rid of him.

  76. Accomplished_Trip_ Avatar

    Honey, this is not normal or healthy. He doesn’t get a vote in you going to the gym. He doesn’t get a say in what you wear. It’s your life, and it’s your body. You decide what you do with it. Tell him to kick rocks and go get your energy back.

  77. frindabelle Avatar

    Run girl. Seriously, that is possessiveness that is not healthy

  78. Texas_sucks15 Avatar

    Yeah your bf is insecure AF and that level of insecurity is gonna hold you back if you continue to put up with it

  79. zombiesatemybaby Avatar

    Your boyfriend is insecure about himself, about his ability to keep you if you better yourself, and is controlling. Theres no reason why you need to wear baggy clothes and a hoodie to the gym unless you specifically want to. This is a sign of him thinking “I dont want to put in the effort to go to the gym myself so I better prevent her from doing the same or she’ll realize there are better men out there than me”

  80. Taegreth Avatar

    My friend dated a guy that wouldn’t “allow” her to wear anything else in public other than baggy clothes. He’d even get upset if she bought cute lingerie to wear FOR HIM because he thought it was for “attention from other guys” (??). He ended up giving her a black eye and choked her barely a few years later.

    That level of controlling behaviour doesn’t get better. Please leave this guy.

  81. kennithkanith Avatar

    Your boyfriend is controlling and the fact he doesn’t want you to grow and improve is a major red flag. Doesn’t he wish you happiness and a full and exiting life ??

  82. Nenoshka Avatar

    Your BF sounds very controlling.

    Since he lives so far away, just go to the gym and don’t tell him at first. Your dad can vouch for your “behavior”, right?

  83. Scrabblement Avatar

    He is being controlling, this is a huge red flag for your relationship, and you should break up.

  84. Halfpastsinning Avatar

    Yeah so, your boyfriend is one step away from isolation and abuse so do yourself a favor and go on that diet that instantly loses you 150-200 lbs. it’s called “single”

  85. LittleTatoCakes Avatar

    You should go to the gym without your bf and tell him to get over his insecurities.

    What you can’t see because you’re in the thick of it is that your bf is controlling you and the decisions you make for yourself. This will only get worse over time.

    He’s also taking his insecurities out on you instead of working on them. Wear a sports bra and tank top with shorts to the gym if that’s what you want. Don’t let your bf determine how you want to live your life or you’ll find yourself with no friends and a sad life.

  86. she_makes_a_mess Avatar

    He sounds terrible. Why you together? You’re only 18. You should be going to the gym and working on yourself and having fun and enjoying life. He sounds like a drag

  87. ConsciouslyIncomplet Avatar

    Ignore tell, tell him to man up and go to the gym!

  88. RHND2020 Avatar

    This isn’t cute. This isn’t a demonstration of how much he loves you and wants to keep you to himself. You don’t need this.
    Go to the gym. Wear what you want. Go out.
    Don’t get used to accepting this type of behaviour in a relationship. If that means breaking up with this person, so be it.

  89. ryux999 Avatar

    Holy fuck, he sounds insecure and controlling as fuck

  90. WritPositWrit Avatar

    You should go to the gym, and you should dress appropriately. A baggy sweatshirt is going to have you dying with heat, so it’s not appropriate. You put the sweatshirt on AFTER the workout, not during. It’s summer. Wear shorts and a T. Workout with your dad.

  91. TPGStorm Avatar

    what is it about these guys that make people straight up ignore every obvious red flag????

  92. _Mc_Who Avatar

    Hey, this is insane! Hope that helps

  93. Resqu23 Avatar

    You’re too young to put up with a controlling jerk. Break up and block him. He’s afraid you will find someone better at the gym and I hope that you do. Imagine the rest of your life being told who to talk to, where to go and how to dress.

  94. Gotta-Be-Me-65 Avatar

    Ok.
    He’s controlling.
    You’re 18 years old.
    You DON’T NEED SUPERVISION! YOU’RE AN ADULT.
    Drop this loser of a BF who is dictating to you how you can live. If you stay with this person, be prepared for this to ramp up till you cannot go out in public without him, etc etc etc.

  95. FlipFlopFlugal Avatar

    He is abusive. This is a red flag he is going to harm you eventually. Get out.

  96. Bear-Moose-Antelope Avatar

    This is the beginning of one of those “he murdered her” lifetime episodes.

  97. StaticCloud Avatar

    You’re possibly in danger dating someone this controlling. Leave the relationship and make sure to block him on everything. Don’t go anywhere alone for a bit if he responds in an unhinged way.

    Men who control their partners day to day activities or what they wear, commonly attempt domestic violence later on.

  98. wandrlusty Avatar

    Girl, listen to the older women on here

    Run now, before this gets worse

  99. PRSMesa182 Avatar

    Have a conversation with your dad and tell him all your boyfriend’s requirements and gauge his reaction…it should tell you everything you need to know about how your boyfriend is acting…then break up with him because he’s a controlling loser who will only get worse.

  100. owlracoon Avatar

    Your boyfriend is no good babe.

  101. Dan_Rydell Avatar

    You should stop dating weirdo losers

  102. No-Suggestion-2402 Avatar

    Why are you entertaining his bullshit?

    He has no control over his jealousy. His feelings are more important than your health to him.

    No you don’t need to wear hoodie and baggy pants, why the hell does it matter? You wear what you’re comfortable and airy in, you don’t need to fucking suffocate he wants you to wear multiple layers too what the fuck?

    Why are you letting him tell you what to do? You are not doing anything wrong, this is his problem that he is making your problem.

    I say you go to gym and do what you want. You know you’re not doing anything wrong, if he doesn’t trust you then you should not be together.

  103. Kathrynlena Avatar

    Break up. That’s what you should do. Your boyfriend is prioritizing his own insecurity over your mental and physical health. Red flags!!!🚩

  104. Rounders_in_knickers Avatar

    Take some time to reflect on why you are considering his controlling demands at all. When and how did you learn that it is ok for a boyfriend to act this way?

    Think about the kind of relationship you most deeply want to be part of.

    For example, I want to be part of a relationship where we build each other up.

    Where my boyfriend is my biggest cheerleader.

    Where my goals and priorities are important to him too.

    Where he supports me in trying new things.

    Is that what you want? Is that what is happening here?

    It can be hard to see how his influence is holding you back, little by kittle, day by day. But over a lifetime, year after year, someone holding you back like this has a major negative impact. You don’t get to live the life you want. You don’t get to reach your potential.

    Girl, go be free.

    Side note – I love the gym. I feel so alive and happy when I exercise. Totally apart from looking better, I feel so much better physically and emotionally. Wishing that for you too, friend.

  105. ShinyArtist Avatar

    Your boyfriend is controlling to the point of being abusive. What he really wants if for you not to gain confidence in yourself and realise he’s trash.

  106. xmuertos Avatar

    Yeah this is extremely controlling behavior. Your (hopefully soon to be ex) boyfriend needs to grow the hell up. You don’t need to stick around for this BS, if you tolerate it now it will only get worse. His controlling behavior will come through in many other ways if you allow him to control you.

  107. demetri_k Avatar

    Go to the gym and work on yourself. Your boyfriend may not be your boyfriend for long but you will create lifelong healthy habits that will help you for the rest of your life.

  108. JVKExo Avatar

    You dump him it’s really that simple. Not allowing your significant other to work on themselves is crazy and controlling.

  109. SnooTangerines9807 Avatar

    You mean what should YOU DO!
    Get away from this nut job. This IS ABUSE.
    Please wake up and live your life for YOU!

  110. turkeyman4 Avatar

    Your boyfriend is controlling. This is a huge red flag.

  111. lizard990 Avatar

    Why are you entertaining an abuser!?! Why do you think so low of yourself that this type of abuse is ok?!?

    You need to leave AND THEN you need to work heavily on your self esteem and self worth and figure out why you think this is ok behavior!

    I go where I want when I want dressed how I want and I’ve been with my SO for almost 30 years! It’s called respect and a healthy relationship! You don’t have either

  112. Spiritual-Ad8760 Avatar

    Are you sure your boyfriend isn’t 6 years old?

    Leave him immediately

  113. helendestroy Avatar

    You get rid of him, he’s a freak.

  114. gingergrowsup Avatar

    Oh hon you are so young please leave this controlling emotional mess and be free and young to build a relationship with someone who respects you!!!

  115. thegoodspiderman Avatar

    Trying to dictate your time, clothes, social interactions, etc. is abuse. You deserve to not be abused, but at the very least you deserve a partner who is supportive and excited for you to try new things.

    Wanting to start a gym routine is great! Wear some comfy clothes and have fun!

  116. stupidugly1889 Avatar

    So your boyfriend is against you improving yourself. Sit down and think about what that means about him. He’s not a person that is going to build up his partner and look at them with admiration when they accomplish something. He’s going to always try to knock you down, prevent you from improving yourself, not want you to be the best that you can be..and it’s because he’s a small, small man. And he knows it. And he knows if you gain the confidence to see it too, you’ll leave him

  117. SnooPets8873 Avatar

    You are 18 and he is 19 – why are you discussing this with him as if he has some say in the decision? In another 10 years, you will hopefully be struggling to remember his name.

  118. DemureDamsel122 Avatar

    What did I just read? If you want to go to the gym then go to the effing gym. He should have zero say at all. Jesus fucking Christ

  119. BoneAppleTea-4-me Avatar

    Holy buckets. Do yourself a huge favor and dump this guy. Any man worth your time will encourage you and cheer you on in your goals. This guy is way too controlling, insecure and acting like he owns your body. You are young and don’t waste your hound adulthood on guys like this. They ruin the experience.

  120. Dull-Preference-2303 Avatar

    I didn’t need to read past the title. To the curb!

  121. Can_Not_Double_Dutch Avatar

    This is abuse, you need to get out of the relationship.

  122. earthenlily Avatar

    Your boyfriend is a controlling manipulative AH and it would be very concerning if you stayed with him after this. This will escalate if he thinks he can control how you live your life or gets suspicious or jealous of men perceiving you in public.

    There is zero reason EVER that a partner is allowed to control what activities you do, gym included. You want to do something to take care of your physical health and he’s trying to suffocate you with rules and judgment. His reasons do not matter, no matter what he argues his feelings do not override your bodily autonomy. A controlling boyfriend will get worse and worse. Please take of yourself.

  123. Rlwolfe11 Avatar

    He is not your parent which means he cannot tell you what to do. You’re so young! Go out and live the life you want and ditch this guy. He is not healthy for you. You do not need permission to do anything.

  124. Sweet-Razzmatazz-993 Avatar

    Sounds like a ex boyfriend to me.

  125. Party_Pilot6069 Avatar

    Hell no. You don’t need permission to go to the gym. You also don’t need him to approve your outfit for going to the gym. He doesn’t like the idea of you improving yourself. He wants you playing video games with him…. Please run fast and far away from this loser.

  126. captainkaiju Avatar

    He’s controlling. You shouldn’t feel like you have to wear ten million layers of clothes at the gym to appease anyone. When you’re working out you should wear whatever is comfortable. And it’s even worse that you’re not allowed to speak to anyone there – what if you need to ask someone if they’re done with equipment? Lastly, the having to FaceTime while you’re there is absurd.

    This is nasty and controlling behavior. Dump him.

  127. Jujubee7683 Avatar

    Hi OP, you’re getting a lot of harsh comments here saying “run” and “dump him!”. The reason for that is that what you describe is very controlling. 

    YOU are in charge of your own body and whether you want to work on it, full stop. He doesn’t get to dictate where you go or who you talk to or what you where. 

    The boundary he is allowed to draw is that he doesn’t want to date someone who he can’t control. That’s a weird unhealthy boundary but he can draw it, I guess. 

    But he can’t draw boundaries for YOU and your choices. So tell him you’ve reconsidered and this is solely your decision. Ignore the resulting guilt trip, tantrums or threats (we will break up, you don’t love me, you’re prioritizing the gym over me, blah blah blah). Go to the gym. I love that you want to reset your energy levels and get in shape. 

  128. Correct_Advantage_20 Avatar

    He doesn’t want you to be healthier and improve yourself because he doesn’t want to do it. He’s afraid you will outshine him.
    He should want you to be the best version of yourself you can be. Not a good fit.

  129. DefoNotMario Avatar

    You want to improve your health and in general as a person, your partner should not take issue with than. Trying to tell you what to wear and who to talk to is extremely controlling behavior as well, and are glaring red flags. This type of behavior of his will also bleed into every aspect of your life, this isn’t just a gym issue. Break up with him ASAP

  130. DevelopmentSlight422 Avatar

    Do what you want, you are an adult. First thing you should do is upgrade your boyfriend or be single until you can make decisions on your own.

  131. ms-meow- Avatar

    Coming from someone twice your age- dump him! You’re too young to settle for this bullshit

  132. Bye_kye Avatar

    Yeah, that’s a hard no. You have every right to go to the gym, he has no right to stop you or try to tell you to wear things that would make you physically uncomfortable. If he doesn’t let this go like, NOW, I would genuinely suggest breaking it off.

  133. Asprinkleofglitter7 Avatar

    Your boyfriend doesn’t get a say in what you wear. Don’t be uncomfortable to try to accommodate him. He needs to work on his insecurities and get over it

  134. AnyDelivery3894 Avatar

    that’s not chubby in the slightest but your boyfriend sounds very insecure. if you want to go to the gym then go. nobody can stop you

  135. DestructoDon69 Avatar

    Eh just go to the gym 🤷‍♂️. What’s he gonna do, leave you? Doubt it. If anything he’s worried you’ll leave him.