I am surrounded by people in my life that seem to have endless suggestions, advice, and lessons they try and teach me when I’m not asking for it. Why? I’m 47 fucking years old. I own a home, have a job, do all the things that make someone a responsible successful adult. I guess there must be something in my personality that draws this to me. I swear I can’t go one single day without someone criticizing something I’m doing, or not doing, or think I should be doing differently. Often it’s my spouse yes, but it’s also a whole host of other people in my life. I’m really tired of it. Have any of you dealt with this? How do you handle it?
Why do people nag each other?
r/AskMen
Comments
Here, here!
I don’t know why it’s so hard for people to mind their own damn business, especially about things that really don’t fucking matter. It drives me up the fucking wall.
I haven’t mastered the response, and nothing seems to work. Ugh.
It’s because they fucking care.
On one hand, people need to mind their business and be better about not offering advice when it isn’t requested. But on the other hand, if a whole host of people who care about you are nagging you, there’s a good chance you’re not killing it as much as you think you are. That kind of nagging is usually borne from wanting better for you.
Let your wife know it bothers you. She may have good intentions, but if it’s frequent enough where it’s a problem, you need to say something.
As for everyone else, say something like, “Thanks for the input, but I’ve got it under control.”
I only annoy/nag/criticize the people I care about.
I don’t do that with strangers cuz I couldn’t care less what happens to them.
theyre not trying to teach you a lesson. theyre trying to prove themselfes they learned it by proving it to you. i think its common behavior between adults, im a young adult but everytime for any reason an im in company of older adults during a full afternoon they say the most obvious shit ever and rant about it for 30 minutes, to the point i start thinking like “dang i feel bad that it took you so long to figure this out”
from what ive observed: when ppl do this, its seems to be bcs the lesson theyre trying to teach you was an important lesson in their lifes that they took too much time or lost too much to learn it. so they feel the need to reinforce to themselfs that, now, they are someone who knows this lesson. same as when you try to explain a certain subject to a friend before the exams to reinsure yourself that you still know it. it also has something to do with a “it took me so much to learn this i dont want anyone else to have to go through all i went through if i can avoid it” typa feeling. same as when you finally learn a hard subject and runs to explain it to all of your friends bcs you want to make it easier for them than it was to you lol. its more about them than about you
Different people have different motivations. Some people might care and feel good about dispensing advice, others may be controlling and feel good when they influence someone. Others enjoy putting people down by suggesting things that are ‘obvious’ as though their target is ‘oblivious’.
If you’re getting this a lot, especially from the same people, it’s probably more along those last two. People who’s happy brain chemicals fire for devious reasons seem to love finding ways to get their fix in ways that they can wave off any criticism as them just wanting to help.
OP? What specifically are they nagging about? For example, what does your wife nag you for?
For example my brother complains his wife nags him all the time too and shes such a B etc Because hes a dolt and practices Weaponized incompetence, pretends he doesnt see messes, and is generally self centred and it affects her life.
Context and intent matter here. Some people just don’t present advice well, and some people are prickly about taking it.
And for me at least, I feel nagging implies repetition. Saying something once isn’t really nagging.
Which does raise the question, how did you respond the first time it was presented?
That is one of my biggest pet peeves nagging 🙄
What kind of things are they nagging you about?
I just finished a self help book that explains it all. When people feel resentful, women tend to criticize and men tend to stonewall. You sound like you aren’t making any compromises with your behavior. Change your behavior and see if they stop nagging on that issue or you can communicate “ I’m not going to change my behavior so don’t bother asking again!”
Definitely a personality issue:
Start with where you have control and communicate/ assert that thank you for your concern but I will ask for advice when I need it. And walk away 🙂 get your wife on your sides before you extend this practice to others
headphones.
People have a malevolence that can’t be fixed. Don’t take it seriously and when you’re asked to do something, say you’ll do it and change your mind.
Boundaries do wonders.