Having arguments is normal, it’s healthy to talk about stuff to calibrate and express yourself openly.
Having arguments that you can’t solve, that one party won’t be willing to solve or that you don’t want to discuss is the start of a problem. Communication is key
Very different kind of humour. To laugh with your significant other is one of the most important qualities in a relationship for me. Especially for tougher times to come
They leave out of nowhere and come back only two weeks or a month later, whether because you texted them (after a while) or they “didn’t have time and they’re sorry for responding late.”
The biggest load of crap, I believe, you’ll ever have to take as somebody in your 20s is the belief that the other person in their twenties who is on the internet “is too busy for you.”
When one of the two is much more attracted or has a lot more feelings than the other one. Guaranteed that that person is going to give a ton more and not going to receive it back.
they dont bring their friends around you or dont make an effort to include you in their friends/family (not immediately but after things get serious if this doesnt happen its a red flag).
Someone refusing to change even a minor foible when you are trying to get them to meet your fam, etc.
I used to be with a girl who I really was fond of, cared for, but she had the dirtiest, most-awful vulgar way of speaking that it would rust the paint off a sailor’s ship! She was like “Awkwafina” but talked way, way, ruder and dirtier. So think of like, a chinese chick who talks like an old Andrew Dice Clay routine, and just does not ever slow it down..!
I wanted to bring her home and get her to meet my parents so I tried to gently and politely talk to her to make sure if she wasn’t going to just get drunk and begin hollering curses and shouting chinese swear as well, after an hour or two. She literally refused to acknowledge that her public language and behavior were that rude, so I eventually dumped her about that.
She even drunk-dialed me back a couple times over the years, saying “I love you!” and whatnot on the phone randomly in the middle of the night, unexpected. She never stopped cursing so hard though, and that was a thing I would not force my family to endure, so we didn’t really ever seriously get back together.
It really depends. If you pursue someone just to satisfy your ego to win them and not because of real connection, the relationship usually doesn’t last more than 3 months.
I’ve seen people chase others just for validation, and once they get what they want, the effort disappears. That’s not love that’s ego.
But those who start with genuine understanding, honesty, and no pretenses that kind of connection can actually last.
Also thanks
Post like this made me realize I’m still single lol
Lack of communication and disrespectful behavior. When somebody won’t tell you what is wrong or results to insulting you in disagreements, get out quick, because otherwise you will be in a world of hurt.
Going to couples therapy when you’re not engaged or married. My friend and his gf were going after only dating for a little over a year and as soon as I heard that I knew it was over. They broke up this past month.
How you handle conflicts it tells all. If you see it as really hard to discuss small things you find dealbreakers early on, personally i find it as a sign that isnt going to work long term
Emotional intelligence also aswell something to look for is their ability to regulate bad emotions like anger etc.
if the person takes even the slightest request for a change in communication or behavior as an attack on them as a person. if you have to walk on eggshells so they don’t take something the wrong way.
When you’re on a first date and the person across from you makes you feel like you’re their knight in shining armor. Then proceed to get love bombed. Feels great at first until reality hits. Relationships take work to build and grow from both sides. Not the fantasy version in someone’s head that generates unrealistic expectations.
When they put you on a pedestal. It sucks for both of you. The partner on the pedestal doesn’t have the freedom to simply be and it’s exhausting. The partner who put the other person on a pedestal is always beneath their significant other (in their mind). It’s lose-lose.
If they won’t stop talking about their ex and have a lot of their shit still after a decade.
I know some of you all are going to shit on me for saying this, but there’s a difference between keeping something from your ex because it’s useful to you vs keeping it cause they’re still attached to that person and haven’t processed their feelings. No matter what you gaslight yourself into thinking, you’re still gonna be second place to this person they still haven’t gotten rid of from their mind,
Watch how they treat and speak to others. That is how they will eventually speak and treat you after the “newness” wears off… that was my experience anyway.
The very first time you feel disrespected, it is time to go and don’t waste any more time. Respect is one of the foundations of a good relationship. You should not have to earn respect. To enter into a relationship after a normal dating period it should be there or it never will.
Whether it’s one partner freaking out over something minute and unimportant, or the other partner acting like everything is fine when the when the world is burning down, the objective truth doesn’t even matter. It’s the perception that matters, what the partners think about each others’ reactions. Inability to meet in the middle is a clear indication of mismatched values.
When they try and change you for instance either quit smoking or this is not going to be something serious and they move on. You are who you are and should be loved for who you are without anybody trying to change you. Coercive controlling behaviour
You can’t talk about the things that matter to you because whatever reason (you feel you might not be understood, you’re scared you’ll be judged or you simply don’t feel comfortable enough to say what’s on your heart). No, it won’t work.
I took a girl on a date to an apple orchard one time. It was our second or third date and it ended up being kind of a disaster. It was a little later in the season, so most of the good apples were gone, but it was a nice day and I set it up mostly so we could just spend some time together without phones or any technology. She spent the whole time complaining and moping about how we missed peak apple season.
If you bring up something they did that upset you and their response is “nothing is ever good enough for you” instead of “oh I’m sorry that upset you we can work on figuring out a solution that works for both of us”
I’m just not sexually attracted to them. It sounds stupid but when I was younger I was talked into two different relationships despite knowing up front the sexual chemistry wasn’t there on day one. I’ve lost a few friends over the years who couldn’t handle rejection but I’ll take that over working through the lack of sexual attraction.
For me, it’s if the guy spends a lot of time bad-mouthing his ex(es). I used to feel special when a guy told me that I was different from his other exes in a good way, but I’ve learned since that such guys just don’t know how to appreciate a good woman when they have one. They always want better no matter how good they have it.
When one person is doing all the leg work, making the drive, choosing where to eat, choosing where to have fun, spending the money. Someone not meeting the other halfway.
Scientifically, if one of the couple rolling their eyes whenever the other one is speaking about something the chances of an eventual divorce jumps way higher and a lot of the times its a micro reaction that’s not even conscious
Lack of communication. Assuming you’ve already slept together you should feel comfortable talking about many things openly and honestly, but if there is a sense of deception or mind games, it’s not a healthy relationship.
Sudden emotional distance. IMO, things will suddenly feel like they took a left turn. If that vibe lingers, then you’re on borrowed time, or there’s a majority traumatic event in her life that she’s not sure how to talk about. Usually, the former for me 😅
When you try to bring up something they’ve done that might’ve upset you and they respond with all the times you’ve upset them but never told you about.
After years of relationships and thinking of what indicated a sign, I would say that I have historically seen that relationships where you live apart but are together EVERY DAY are not healthy
Also, if they never pick a restaurant, order , and pay occasionally
Some people just push you to your limits and withdraw as much from you as they can, monetarily and spiritually
When you have different ideas of how you want to live your life. Marriage, children, travel to name a few bigger concepts. But also ways of living, what kind of life you see for yourself, if their’s isn’t at least similar to yours, it may be time to reconsider.
When silences feel awkward and not comfortable.
If either party shows early signs of manipulative or controlling nature, its always small at first.
If they make an argument about me vs you, not us vs the problem at hand.
If they cannot correctly apologise and take ownership of a mistake, because its gonna happen, we’re human after all.
You’re envisioning a future with someone who has traits your current partner doesn’t display. But you may be hoping to see them, think these traits are “below the surface,” etc., but they never materialize as you become more entrenched in time and energy into a relationship which isn’t meeting your needs in real time but keep thinking one day, it will.
If their friends disrespect you in front of them and they won’t say anything about it .If they disrespect you or talk about you badly to their friends and your family but won’t talk to you about what is bothering them
Comments
You’re having a lot of arguments and misunderstandings immediately. A few is normal, maybe a serious one, but if its like every other day or worse
You are too hesitant to say what really needs to be said in the moment.
when your relationship is just built on having sex and you have nothing else in common
“You have to believe the exact same things that I do and go to the church that I choose”
Having arguments is normal, it’s healthy to talk about stuff to calibrate and express yourself openly.
Having arguments that you can’t solve, that one party won’t be willing to solve or that you don’t want to discuss is the start of a problem. Communication is key
They’re lots of disagreements and erratic behavior.
Different sex waves
If one partner is hypersexual
And the other ….not
It could be overwhelming
You’re quick to feel suspicious of each other. There has to be some willingness to trust if things are going to grow well.
If they don’t like you spending time on your hobbies or with your other friends, that is very bad.
If you’ve broken up and gotten back together again before your six month anniversary?
It’s a rather inauspicious start to the relationship
EDIT: How could I forget? If your libidos don’t align? Y’all are fucked. It may last, but it won’t be easy.
Your car gets keyed
Wanting different lives
Feeling overly self-conscious around them, like you’re worried they won’t like your genuine self or will judge you harshly for it
Wanting different lives
Very different kind of humour. To laugh with your significant other is one of the most important qualities in a relationship for me. Especially for tougher times to come
They leave out of nowhere and come back only two weeks or a month later, whether because you texted them (after a while) or they “didn’t have time and they’re sorry for responding late.”
The biggest load of crap, I believe, you’ll ever have to take as somebody in your 20s is the belief that the other person in their twenties who is on the internet “is too busy for you.”
One of the people post on Reddit asking for advice.
If she tells you she’s a “flight risk” just listen and move on. It’s not a challenge. And you will lose.
In other news, I am not okay. 🤦
When one of the two is much more attracted or has a lot more feelings than the other one. Guaranteed that that person is going to give a ton more and not going to receive it back.
First time there is a strain or any sort of tension and his or her reaction will tell you what your future will be like. Pretty simple
They annoy you and have toxic habits
When you gut says run, but your brain says maybe they will change ( they won’t)
they dont bring their friends around you or dont make an effort to include you in their friends/family (not immediately but after things get serious if this doesnt happen its a red flag).
The toilet paper is hung the wrong way
The messaging and other communications is reduced allot
When this happens:
You get into an argument about something small like the dishes or something
They talk to you in a disrespectful way
You try to address the way that they are talking to you
They respond by going back to the small issue, the dishes, and completely ignore the bigger issue which is how you talk to each other
It feels like you are just never on the same page.
All your belongings end up strewn across the front yard
Leaving the cap off the toothpaste
When your partner starts giving vague answers. Is always late. Constantly checking their phone.
If you’re on here looking for things you partner does
Too scared to talk to each other face to face and it’s all through messages
Someone refusing to change even a minor foible when you are trying to get them to meet your fam, etc.
I used to be with a girl who I really was fond of, cared for, but she had the dirtiest, most-awful vulgar way of speaking that it would rust the paint off a sailor’s ship! She was like “Awkwafina” but talked way, way, ruder and dirtier. So think of like, a chinese chick who talks like an old Andrew Dice Clay routine, and just does not ever slow it down..!
I wanted to bring her home and get her to meet my parents so I tried to gently and politely talk to her to make sure if she wasn’t going to just get drunk and begin hollering curses and shouting chinese swear as well, after an hour or two. She literally refused to acknowledge that her public language and behavior were that rude, so I eventually dumped her about that.
She even drunk-dialed me back a couple times over the years, saying “I love you!” and whatnot on the phone randomly in the middle of the night, unexpected. She never stopped cursing so hard though, and that was a thing I would not force my family to endure, so we didn’t really ever seriously get back together.
It really depends. If you pursue someone just to satisfy your ego to win them and not because of real connection, the relationship usually doesn’t last more than 3 months.
I’ve seen people chase others just for validation, and once they get what they want, the effort disappears. That’s not love that’s ego.
But those who start with genuine understanding, honesty, and no pretenses that kind of connection can actually last.
Also thanks
Post like this made me realize I’m still single lol
Lack of communication and disrespectful behavior. When somebody won’t tell you what is wrong or results to insulting you in disagreements, get out quick, because otherwise you will be in a world of hurt.
They tell you, “I love you” and it’s only been a week.
The other person always forgets their wallet/ purse and can’t pay their share
Seeing them treating their roommate like trash. That’s not just a personality conflict, that’s the ghost of Christmas fucking future for you.
Going to couples therapy when you’re not engaged or married. My friend and his gf were going after only dating for a little over a year and as soon as I heard that I knew it was over. They broke up this past month.
How you handle conflicts it tells all. If you see it as really hard to discuss small things you find dealbreakers early on, personally i find it as a sign that isnt going to work long term
Emotional intelligence also aswell something to look for is their ability to regulate bad emotions like anger etc.
if the person takes even the slightest request for a change in communication or behavior as an attack on them as a person. if you have to walk on eggshells so they don’t take something the wrong way.
skipping breakfast, and then skipping town, lol
If all of their exes are crazy, they are likely the crazy ex.
Lying, cheating, making false promises, lack of romance.
When she can’t take accountability for her actions, and when you feel like you’re walking on eggshells and can’t be yourself due to that.
When you’re on a first date and the person across from you makes you feel like you’re their knight in shining armor. Then proceed to get love bombed. Feels great at first until reality hits. Relationships take work to build and grow from both sides. Not the fantasy version in someone’s head that generates unrealistic expectations.
When they put you on a pedestal. It sucks for both of you. The partner on the pedestal doesn’t have the freedom to simply be and it’s exhausting. The partner who put the other person on a pedestal is always beneath their significant other (in their mind). It’s lose-lose.
When it’s difficult. It’s not like the movies or Hallmark, a healthy relationship is fucking EASY.
If one of you wants kids and the other doesn’t
When your friends hate your partner, have had that with almost all of mine
Hates your pet
If they won’t stop talking about their ex and have a lot of their shit still after a decade.
I know some of you all are going to shit on me for saying this, but there’s a difference between keeping something from your ex because it’s useful to you vs keeping it cause they’re still attached to that person and haven’t processed their feelings. No matter what you gaslight yourself into thinking, you’re still gonna be second place to this person they still haven’t gotten rid of from their mind,
Watch how they treat and speak to others. That is how they will eventually speak and treat you after the “newness” wears off… that was my experience anyway.
They rate you on a scale for your looks or start to humble you— run
Gut intuition. If your gut is telling you that something off, it’s probably right.
The very first time you feel disrespected, it is time to go and don’t waste any more time. Respect is one of the foundations of a good relationship. You should not have to earn respect. To enter into a relationship after a normal dating period it should be there or it never will.
Disagreement about what constitutes a crisis.
Whether it’s one partner freaking out over something minute and unimportant, or the other partner acting like everything is fine when the when the world is burning down, the objective truth doesn’t even matter. It’s the perception that matters, what the partners think about each others’ reactions. Inability to meet in the middle is a clear indication of mismatched values.
if you can’t be honest with them, then it’s hard to build a real foundation much less have a long lasting relationship with them
Walking on eggshells from the get go.
One of you is still in love with their ex boy/girlfriend from 5+ years ago.
When they try and change you for instance either quit smoking or this is not going to be something serious and they move on. You are who you are and should be loved for who you are without anybody trying to change you. Coercive controlling behaviour
In my opinion if you don’t work together well, you can’t make the relationship work long term. Test it by tackling some projects together.
They never seek understanding, and prefer to judge you based off of their limited perspective.
They dont want to hang out as much as you do. They dont answers your texts for days. They play stupid little mind games.
I’ve found that it’s doomed if it moves too quickly in terms of physical intimacy.
When you have to post on Reddit to ask
When you come home early and she is taking it hard from a council bricklayer who is supposed to be replacing the garden wall
Resentment.
You can’t talk about the things that matter to you because whatever reason (you feel you might not be understood, you’re scared you’ll be judged or you simply don’t feel comfortable enough to say what’s on your heart). No, it won’t work.
Saying/thinking things like “The bad times are awful, but the good times are just so amazing!”
relationships should not be emotional rollercoasters
Relationships that you need to hide from your friends/ families
I took a girl on a date to an apple orchard one time. It was our second or third date and it ended up being kind of a disaster. It was a little later in the season, so most of the good apples were gone, but it was a nice day and I set it up mostly so we could just spend some time together without phones or any technology. She spent the whole time complaining and moping about how we missed peak apple season.
If one’s an addict. You’ll never be their #1.
If you bring up something they did that upset you and their response is “nothing is ever good enough for you” instead of “oh I’m sorry that upset you we can work on figuring out a solution that works for both of us”
I’m just not sexually attracted to them. It sounds stupid but when I was younger I was talked into two different relationships despite knowing up front the sexual chemistry wasn’t there on day one. I’ve lost a few friends over the years who couldn’t handle rejection but I’ll take that over working through the lack of sexual attraction.
For me, it’s if the guy spends a lot of time bad-mouthing his ex(es). I used to feel special when a guy told me that I was different from his other exes in a good way, but I’ve learned since that such guys just don’t know how to appreciate a good woman when they have one. They always want better no matter how good they have it.
When one person is doing all the leg work, making the drive, choosing where to eat, choosing where to have fun, spending the money. Someone not meeting the other halfway.
Scientifically, if one of the couple rolling their eyes whenever the other one is speaking about something the chances of an eventual divorce jumps way higher and a lot of the times its a micro reaction that’s not even conscious
Lack of communication. Assuming you’ve already slept together you should feel comfortable talking about many things openly and honestly, but if there is a sense of deception or mind games, it’s not a healthy relationship.
Eggshells. If you don’t feel like you can be yourself and talk about both good things and hard things, it’s not going to work out.
For me, if you can’t sit In a room quietly with one another without being uncomfortable.
Someone either gets agitated or assumes they aren’t interested just because I want some peace and quiet lol.
Sudden emotional distance. IMO, things will suddenly feel like they took a left turn. If that vibe lingers, then you’re on borrowed time, or there’s a majority traumatic event in her life that she’s not sure how to talk about. Usually, the former for me 😅
When you try to bring up something they’ve done that might’ve upset you and they respond with all the times you’ve upset them but never told you about.
Endless conversation about an ex.
If you find yourself posting on /r/relationshipadvice
If you can’t even imagine wanting to live with them, you probably shouldn’t drag it on too long.
Well, statistically speaking at least, a good sign that it will end is that it’s starting.
After years of relationships and thinking of what indicated a sign, I would say that I have historically seen that relationships where you live apart but are together EVERY DAY are not healthy
Also, if they never pick a restaurant, order , and pay occasionally
Some people just push you to your limits and withdraw as much from you as they can, monetarily and spiritually
Instead of saying, “Please pass the salt,” she says, “Asshole, you ruined my whole fucking weekend, AGAIN!!!“
When you get into a big argument after only a couple weeks of dating.
Communicating too much…….yes, it can happen and happens more than you think.
One person gets overwhelmed, the other thinks it’s normal.
When you have different ideas of how you want to live your life. Marriage, children, travel to name a few bigger concepts. But also ways of living, what kind of life you see for yourself, if their’s isn’t at least similar to yours, it may be time to reconsider.
When silences feel awkward and not comfortable.
If either party shows early signs of manipulative or controlling nature, its always small at first.
If they make an argument about me vs you, not us vs the problem at hand.
If they cannot correctly apologise and take ownership of a mistake, because its gonna happen, we’re human after all.
When they are quick to disrespect over small disagreements
If one person keeps saying something to the effect of I don’t deserve you, they are probably going to self sabotage at some point and show you that.
Narcissism
Seems harsh, but being sexually compatible is a big one. If the sex dries up it’s over 🤷♂️
One of them is MAGA.
You’re envisioning a future with someone who has traits your current partner doesn’t display. But you may be hoping to see them, think these traits are “below the surface,” etc., but they never materialize as you become more entrenched in time and energy into a relationship which isn’t meeting your needs in real time but keep thinking one day, it will.
You feel more anxious than secure around them, even in calm situations.
If their friends disrespect you in front of them and they won’t say anything about it .If they disrespect you or talk about you badly to their friends and your family but won’t talk to you about what is bothering them
Whenever I feel more comfortable venting to my friends about them than taking to them