I was talking to this man who believes everything should be defunded, including prisons, and that all criminals should just be rehabilitated. When I told him that the man who brutally sexually assaulted me is currently in prison, and that I prefer him there, and that I don’t want him rehabilitated, he said, “That’s too bad. What you want doesn’t matter.” He told me that people who commit crimes shouldn’t be “owned by the government,” and that with rehabilitation they’d be unlikely to reoffend, even after I told him this man literally threatened to do it to me again. When I called him disgusting, he said I was being emotional and told me to shut the f*ck up. Then he said I needed therapy and psychedelics. He said that all I want is “vengeance” and in a way, hell yeah I do, but the law isn’t vengeance, my version of vengeance for that man would be far far worse than prison. Of course he would say something like that because he doesn’t know what it’s like. That man ruined my life, I was 17 and had to spend a good majority of my senior year in a mental health facility because what happened broke me, the surgeries I needed due to the assault left my parents in medical debt, and I can’t even have kids because what he did left me infertile. There’s nothing fair about him getting a slap on the wrist for that, nothing and if I’m wrong for thinking like that then so be it. Long story short I’m beginning to become very bitter towards men. Maybe it’s best that I can’t bring kids into a world like this.
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If this is a friend of yours, you shouldn’t continue that friendship. Not with someone who would speak with you like that.
The man you were talking to is a dick, who probably thinks that holding left values makes him compassionate and a good person – it doesn’t.
What he really meant is what you want doesn’t matter – TO HIM. Because he’s a dick.
The penitentiary system is supposed to serve two goals – rehabilitation and punishment. And what you want matters to such an extent that more people believe in the “punishment” part than in the “rehabilitation” part. Because in general, wanting evildoers punished is a very human emotion. It’s one that we can perhaps reconsider a bit. But wanting evildoers who wronged YOU punished is so deeply ingrained in us it’s ridiculous to dismiss someone who feels that way.
Long story short, please try to avoid arguing with self-assured dicks. They are sure that they know best already and they’re not listening to you. Why listen to them if it causes you pain?
This feels like a libertarian. Don’t talk to libertarians (about politics (if at all)).
I smell a libertarian. They tend to be arrogant, and to put complete faith in their theories—for example he talks as if “rehabilitation” is even possible. Maybe it is she maybe it isn’t; at least sometimes it almost certainly isn’t. So “rehabilitation” is moot if it isn’t even possible.
And regardless, why is he having this argument with a victim of assault? What’s the point of that? It accomplishes nothing and hurts you.
Do not converse with this man or people like him. He’s disgusting and goated you into sharing your story. If you feel the need to share your SA to prove a point please don’t do it. You need to walk away from the conversation. I am saying this because people enjoy doing this to people. This dude was victimizing you by bringing up your trauma. He is a predator. He was using your trauma to inflict control over you and cause you to have a reaction. He wanted you to feed his ego. He is sick. He doesn’t care about prison reform, he cares about making women feel small. He gets off on feeling superior that he would give a man kindness who brutally raped a woman. But he does it because he wants to give that type of man kindness.
I am 100% sure if he was brutally raped by a man, he’d be speaking a different story.
I personally worked in prison and do agree with reform. I also know from prison there are some people who will never be rehabilitated. And there is no current system in place in North America that has true prison reform programming in place. You wanting the person who harmed you and threatened to do it again in prison is 100% cool. It doesn’t make you any less of a person to want to feel safe. That guy is an asshole.
I am sorry you were harmed by both these men. You are brave af. Fuck them.
The best way to move forward is to not speak with people like this. Do not engage in conversations with people who say things for shock value and continue after they’ve upset you. They want a reaction, not to reach a mutual understanding or to consider other viewpoints.
The moment he said “That’s too bad, what you want doesn’t matter” he made it immediately clear that the conversation isn’t worth taking further because he’s clearly not open to have a discussion/debate and is just trying to rant/lecture for his own selfish reasons.
Tell him that he should be imprisoned too.