So, my fiancé (31M) and I (29F) are getting married in a few months. From the very beginning, we agreed that we wanted a child-free wedding. Not because we hate kids or anything, but we want a relaxed, elegant atmosphere where the adults can enjoy themselves without worrying about having kids around. We also have a venue with a strict policy against kids under 12 due to safety reasons.
Most of our family and friends were completely fine with this, except for my sister (34F), who has three kids (10M, 7F, and 4M). The moment she heard about the rule, she called me and demanded an exception because, and I quote, “You can’t expect a mother to just leave her babies behind.”
I stood my ground and explained that it wasn’t personal and that we made this rule for everyone, not just her. I even suggested some solutions, like helping her find a babysitter. I even went as far as offering to cover the cost, but she flat out refused, saying that she will not come without her kids.
This turned into a massive argument, with her accusing me of being “selfish” and “prioritising aesthetics over family.” She even tried to rally our parents to her side, but thankfully, they told her it was our decision to make.
Now she’s been making passive-aggressive comments in the family group chat and even told our younger cousins that I’m “excluding family for a party.” Some relatives have suggested I just let her bring her kids to “keep the peace,” but that doesn’t sit right with me.
AITA for sticking to my no-kids rule even if it means my sister won’t come to my wedding?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
So, my fiancé (31M) and I (29F) are getting married in a few months. From the very beginning, we agreed that we wanted a child-free wedding. Not because we hate kids or anything, but we want a relaxed, elegant atmosphere where the adults can enjoy themselves without worrying about having kids around. We also have a venue with a strict policy against kids under 12 due to safety reasons.
Most of our family and friends were completely fine with this, except for my sister (34F), who has three kids (10M, 7F, and 4M). The moment she heard about the rule, she called me and demanded an exception because, and I quote, “You can’t expect a mother to just leave her babies behind.”
I stood my ground and explained that it wasn’t personal and that we made this rule for everyone, not just her. I even suggested some solutions, like helping her find a babysitter. I even went as far as offering to cover the cost, but she flat out refused, saying that she will not come without her kids.
This turned into a massive argument, with her accusing me of being “selfish” and “prioritising aesthetics over family.” She even tried to rally our parents to her side, but thankfully, they told her it was our decision to make.
Now she’s been making passive-aggressive comments in the family group chat and even told our younger cousins that I’m “excluding family for a party.” Some relatives have suggested I just let her bring her kids to “keep the peace,” but that doesn’t sit right with me.
AITA for sticking to my no-kids rule even if it means my sister won’t come to my wedding?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. The action i took that should be judged is having a no kids wedding, and not allowing my sister to bring her kids, keeping the rule the same for everyone.
2. This action could make me an ahole for not letting my sister bring her kids even though she is family.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Nta it’s your wedding you get to do whatever you want, if she doesn’t like it she doesn’t have to come
💯 NTA – the only one that’s selfish is her because she thinks the day is about her and her kids and not you and your husband.
NTA. Sis is wilding if she thinks you should change your entire wedding for her kids. You’re allowed to have the wedding you want, and it’s not like you’re saying she’s a bad mom you just want a kid-free vibe. Offering to help with a babysitter was super generous, and she’s acting like you’re asking her to leave her kids on Mars. If your family can’t respect your decision, that’s on them, not you. At the end of the day, it’s your big day, not a daycare center. If she chooses not to come because of that, that’s her choice. You’re not the one being selfish here.
NTA. You are allowed to have the wedding that you want. Your sister will be missing out on a very special day, but that’s on her. That’s her choice.
NTA. It’s not a question of sticking to your guns; venue says NO.
Thankyou for backing up my opinion.
it just really sucks that my special day has become a family drama
NTA. It’s your wedding, you do you.
NTA. Your sister is being dramatic. I think you should be ok with her not coming (because she has a small baby and might not be comfortable leaving it) and she should either RSVP no and shut up about it or find a solution to allow her to join the festivities without the kids. Perhaps there’s a happy medium where she leaves the 2 bigger kids (there’s literally zero argument for bringing them) and maybe let her bring the baby? IMO baby ≠ kid.
NTA
NTA. She is the selfish one.
There you go, those some relatives can baby sit for her. Job done. 🤣
NTA
even if you wanted to you said “venue with a strict policy against kids under 12 due to safety reasons”
to allow children you would have to change the venue and that is far beyond what you should do for one guest.
NTA Trll the relatives that think you should just let her bring her kids that even if you wanted to you couldn’t as the venue won’t allow it and it’s far too late to change venue. Keep pushing that angle.
Presuming her own children weren’t at her own wedding, you are just following suit.
NTA and you literally CAN’T let her bring them because, as per venue rules, they’re all under 12. So really this is also the venue’s rules, not even just yours.
You’re NTA. As it’s often stayed on this sub, your wedding, your choice.
>sister (34F), who has three kids (10M, 7F, and 4M)…. “You can’t expect a mother to just leave her babies behind.”
>she flat out refused, saying that she will not come without her kids.
So she goes absolutely no where without her kids?
NTA. Your sister is acting selfish and you are right in holding firm.
NTA…your sister’s childish behaviour is going to put her in the kid category.
NAH.
You have the right to say no kids, but she’s not wrong that you’re excluding family for a party. They – your nieces and nephews – are your family. You are excluding them.
That’s fine as your choice but it’s fine for her to ‘even’ say that, and it’s not passive aggressive, it’s the truth so she isn’t TA here either. When she said she wouldn’t come you shouldn’t start making ‘helpful’ suggestions about babysitters, that’s her choice as a mother. You just accept the rsvp as declining gracefully.
You make a choice. She makes a choice. You have to expect that if you exclude family members, other family members might react, doesn’t make anyone an AH.
It’s YOUR wedding. You can have it however you want it. Besides, the venue has a rule about no children under 12. If your sister wants to be dramatic and not come, that’s on her. She really should take advantage of your offer of the babysitter for a child-free day, but that’s my opinion. Any family members that are agreeing with her drama can either babysit for her or stay home with her. Problem solved! Happy wedding and NTA!!
What part of “the venue doesn’t allow it” are they having trouble with?
NTA. I have seen a lot of cases like these. In most of them it’s NTA and here I’ll say again NTA because you’re even offering to cover cost of a babysitter. What is her problem? Doesn’t she leave them while going to work and all? Just seeking attention.
NTA its the rules of the venue. She can either get a sitter or other childcare, or not attend. You literally can’t make an exception for her, and you shouldn’t be asked to.
NAH as long as you recognize that your no-kids rule means some people won’t be coming. You’re entitled to set your priorities and decide that an adults-only atmosphere is more important to you than having certain guests, and she’s entitled to set her priorities and decide that she doesn’t want to attend.
Many years from now, you’ll have the memories of your wedding and you’ll remember what was most important to you about that day.
How is this even a question? If your venue doesn’t allow children under 12, then they can’t come as all three are under 12.
NTA as long as you respect that some people won’t come, especially if they habe to travel.
Your wedding, your rules. If she can’t handle one night without her kids, that sounds like a her problem, not a you problem.
NTA
> We also have a venue with a strict policy against kids under 12 due to safety reasons.
End of discussion. She can go argue with the venue. It’s out of your hands.
> Some relatives have suggested I just let her bring her kids to “keep the peace,” but that doesn’t sit right with me.
But you couldn’t even if you wanted to. I don’t know why you’re talking about this as if you have the power to change the venue’s policy.
NTA. First and foremost the fact that the venue has a strict policy should end the discussion immediately. Second, IF you were to give in, IF the venue allowed it then I guarantee you’d regret it. You have an idea of what you want your wedding to be and any problem that arises with having the kids there is going to ruin what you’ve dreamed of. Third, sis needs to realize this wedding isn’t about her. People are allowed to have events without her children.
She wants to make this her hill to die on then that’s her decision. She’s choosing to be difficult. She’s choosing not to attend if her kids aren’t invited. She’s choosing to make YOUR wedding about what SHE wants.
Ugh why do you want such a person at your happy celebration?
NTA
NTA
It is your wedding so your rules.
But why is this still even a topic of discussion?
“We also have a venue with a strict policy against kids under 12 due to safety reasons.”
If that is true you couldn’t ‘just let her bring her kids to “keep the peace,”’ because the venue won’t allow it.
Tell your sister and her flying monkeys that it is no kids, end of story. If that means they can’t/won’t attend that you will miss them.
NTA don’t back down
Not wanting your nieces and nephews at one of your most important life milestones is wild. You’re picking and choosing who’s family and who’s not and didn’t think you were going to get pushback ? Are you not planning on being in their lives? Like no birthday parties, graduations, you wouldn’t want to see them getting married ? You’re making a choice for the parents
I mean, sounds like the venue doesn’t even allow kids the age of hers anyways, sooo… making an exception for her wouldn’t even work? Besides at this point, I feel like even if you make an exception she will hold it over your head forever anyways.
You’re NTA.
I considered N A H because it’s fine for her to get upset or disappointed, but she’s gone on to being kinda nasty about it.
I can get wanting to have a good time with adults and it is ultimately your decision. She can either accept it and make arrangements, or just not go to the wedding.
you said no and the venue prohibits under 12. End of story.
nta
NTA
It is your right to exclude your nieces and nephews as it is your sister’s right to not attend your wedding! You made a choice, she made a choice, that’s all that happened.
So fake.
Just tell her flat out. She is no longer invited. Her drama is not needed or wanted on your special day if she can’t respect your wants. This is not about her. If she doesn’t like the rule, she can stay home.
And let her know that if she shows up with them, they will be asked to leave. That you are not playing around with this rule.. and be prepared to have someone there to kick her.
Enjoy your day as you want.
NTA. Stick to your rule . And tell all the relatives, that talk to you about it, that the location doesn’t allow children. So unless your sister is willing to pay for a complete new location (and if she does you can have a second wedding party 😉 ) there is nothing you can do about it now.
And to your sister say ‘so I’m selfish but you are putting your kids high over the wedding of your own sister? Your kids are old enough to have a day without their mom and if you are so afraid of letting them stay with strangers ask their dad or your in laws.But I’m hurt, that you can’t find arrangement for one night to just be there for your little sisters big day.’
You have a male avatar and this whole post is very ChatGPT. Come back when you’ve come up with something fresh and exciting and not already done to death.
NTA it’s perfectly fine to not want kids at certain things, including weddings. The kids aren’t going to be irrevocably damaged and quite frankly every wedding I had to go to as a kid I was bored out of my fucking mind. And since I strongly doubt that she takes her kids everywhere with her the “can’t leave my babies behind” is bullshit.
Isn’t this a done to death type post. Find a new karma thing to post on
I had a no kids wedding years ago. No one had a problem with it at the time. The only people who didn’t come was because of their religion they didn’t like that we were serving alcohol so they politely declined. Other than that I don’t regret our decision on no kids. Marriage only lasted 5 years, don’t regret leaving him either LOL. I hope you have a beautiful no kids wedding. Forget about your sister. She’s just being a demanding cow, ignore her and stick to your rules.
NTA. I’m a mom of 3 kids, 9yo, 5yo, 1.5yo, and l was literally at a wedding last night and I left my kids with my Spouse and MIL. It was amazing to be able to have fun and socialize without having to worry about constantly caring for somebody or being pulled on.
Your sister needs a babysitter and a chill pill. This is YOUR wedding. You said no kids, so there’s no kids.
If she’s really pushy, you might need to have trusted people on standby to make her leave if she shows up with her kids anyway
> “You can’t expect a mother to just leave her babies behind.”
This reads as fake. At least two of the children are school aged, so you’re telling us she’s never left her kids with day care or school? You couldn’t think of a single example to contradict that statement?
NTA. If she doesn’t want to attend without her kids, she can stay home and that should be the end of it. Constantly giving you shit for it makes her the asshole 100%.
NTA!! you gave her plenty of time and options to figure the situation out and to be honest it’s not as simple as making an allowance for her children. All three of her children are under the age limit set by the venue, so it’s really technically out of your hands at this point anyway.
NTA – even the venue has a no kids policy!
>We also have a venue with a strict policy against kids under 12 due to safety reasons.
So even if you were to let them come (don’t), then you would need to find a new venue
But… you can’t because your venue won’t allow?
Re re re re post
NTA. She’s being stubborn, mean and maybe even self-centred. Kind of like a bully.
NTA. Your wedding, your rules.