I keep seeing women on tiktok post “my master’s/doctoral degree has made me less marriageable.” Would getting a PhD in mechanical engineering make me less marriageable?
I mean, it’s a good way to weed out the insecure shitbags. Why in the world anyone would want to marry someone who’s intimidated by education is beyond me.
Yes, I have a phd. No, it hasn’t prevented me from marrying an awesome person.
I think it’s the same as any high level of achievement – some people won’t want to date a weight lifter, or someone who does endurance running, or a competitive chess player. Don’t let that stop you from living your life. The right person will say “wow!! She can benchpress me! She’s my dream woman!!”
Absolutely! There are a decent chunk of people unwilling to date people that they perceive as being better than them. That might mean more education, more money, owning property, a large support system, etc. The ones you really need to look out for are the ones who will date you but spend the relationship negging you.
Do you really want to be married to someone who would stop you from advancing yourself because it would make you more attractive to them?
I feel like the people who would find it to be a turn off, you probably wouldn’t want to be with anyway.
I wonder if part of this is that if you’re spending a lot of time getting a PhD in mechanical engineering, that’s going to be time that you won’t necessarily be able to spend actively dating and looking for a partner.
For full transparency, I have postgraduate schooling but no Masters or PhD
The question you need to ask yourself is whether these men would even be worth spending time with if they can’t handle being with a woman who’s smarter than them.
I don’t have the answer for you, but my grandma stopped one credit short of getting her PhD because she was well-to-do and in those days (1960s-1970s) it wasn’t done that women were more educated than their husband. And then my mom got her bachelor’s and her JD together in five years. I think about that all the fucking time.
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
What you should think about is why being an educated woman with the capacity to better support yourself might make men less interested in you.
It means you won’t be as dependent on their good graces for your own financial stability. You’ll be able to provide for yourself, and get out of a bad relationship in a hurry if you have to.
It means he might have to come face to face with his own insecurity, realizing you know more than him, or make more than him. That you’ve done more than him.
It’s about power. Control. Dominance. It’s the same reason why they’ve always been opposed to women receiving an education, or taking a job beyond homemaking, or gaining political power.
You get that fucking PhD, MechE rules. Any man who loses interest in you because of that isn’t worth losing sleep over, he’s a bullet dodged.
Time to take a break from tiktok. And if you are reconsidering getting a PhD because 1) what tiktok says and 2) what a potential partner would think, you need to undergo some very deep introspection on your priorities and self worth.
Stuff you see on tiktok is absolutely not representative of reality. And as many other have correctly said, anyone turned off or intimidated by your intelligence is not worth your consideration.
Man, the fact of you having a mind to be an engineer is already a strike against for a lot of men. Come on. Millions voted for Donald Trump.
I date women. Women who date women are a much smaller percentage of the population. I know about scarcity. But trust me, if women can find women to date when such a tiny percentage of women date women, you can find a man who appreciates women for who they are.
But yeah, of course just thinking about being an engineer would rule out a lot of men. Obviously, not the ones you’d ever want to be with.
Hell yes it makes you less marriageable. All the losers who want an easily controlled servant are gone from your potential dating pool. Keep on weeding!
One of the things I think many older women wish they had done in their youth was to stop giving a flying fuck what other people thought about their choices. Go live your life. Do you want the PhD? Then get the PhD. Do you want to travel? Then travel. Do you want to enjoy life? Then go enjoy life. None of those videos and the opinions in them should matter. You own your life. Live it. The right man will love you for that.
Also, don’t take what you see on TikTok as any kind of organic phenomenon. What you’re experiencing is a widespread social engineering attempt to lure women away from any kind of self-reliance. Tradwife, anti-birth control, and anti-education videos are being pushed all across the platform as part of this effort to dissuade women from making their own way because independent women have historically been one of the largest drivers of social progress. But when you can convince half the population to give up their agency (particularly to the benefit of the other half) you take most of the wind out of those sails.
I met my husband in grad school getting a PhD in engineering. Just be yourself and you’ll meet someone who wants YOU. Why would you want to marry a man who wouldn’t date someone with a PhD?
Please don’t ever make major life choices based on men.
I get how you feel but as an older woman, I regret every minute I wasted on men who had nothing to add to my life other than strife.
You should want better for yourself. You should do exactly what you want to do and look for a partner that will love you for who you are, rather than marry someone for the sake of marriage. Because that usually ends in cheating and misery.
Imagine how you might feel if you don’t get the education you want, which leads to jobs you don’t want. But you find a man! And you get married and things are okay for a while. But nine years in you realize he has been cheating on you with multiple women. Or is a gambling addict and wasted your entire life savings. Or is an alcoholic. How will you feel knowing you traded pursuing your dreams for this man?
I’m not saying every man is like that, but a lot are. It’s much better to set yourself up for success first before ever getting into a situation in which you are dependent on a man.
Not to anyone you’d want to marry. Only reason it would is that that person is very insecure in themselves, and that always causes catastrophic problems over nothing.
As an individual man, absolutely not. Were I single and looking, an advanced degree would be a huge point of interest. Think of how much I could learn in our conversations!
But as others have already said, insecure men and the huge media sphere that supports them would maybe feel intimidated about it. Ignore those men. It’s not your job to reeducate them.
No. My sister in law met her partner right after she finished her masters and had started her PhD, he’s a successful professional wedding DJ, she’s finishing her PhD next year, and they’re planning a wedding for after that. He’s even decided to take her name because she’s never changing hers since it’s on the diplomas, and he no longer has contact with the father that gave him the name.
And any man that wouldn’t want to be with you because you’re more educated than he is is the type of man you want to stay away from anyway. So many of the women in my life have more education on paper than the men they’re with, and lots of them got together with their significant other either during their studies or after.
I told my husband, who I was dating at the time, that I wanted to finish my masters before we got married. He patiently waited the 4 years (as I was going part time) and then made sure we were good together and proposed.
If you being educated puts off a guy, then he isn’t the right man for you. Get your education, learn loads, and be proud of having those letters at the end of your name. The right man will respect you more for the commitment and intellect.
Just the trash taking itself out. Why are you worried about it? You’re not missing out on anything by having those men eliminate themselves from your dating pool. A man like that will only make you miserable.
I mean, those don’t sound like men worth dating… sucks that if you achieve something it turns dudes off there by “limiting” your dating pool but honestly, if I were interested in men… I wouldn’t want them in my dating pool anyways… (I am a cis hetero male so… take that with a grain of salt)
Honestly why would you want to marry a man who wouldn’t date a doctor because he only likes women dumber and less successful than him? Even if you weren’t smart you shouldn’t want a man who hates smart women. Hiding how smart you are to attract a man seems like an insane way to get a husband. Sure maybe you will find someone to marry but why is that the goal if the man is a misogynist?
Better question: Would you want to marry a man who feels you are less attractive or marriageable b/c you have a PhD? Pretty pathetic dude to think that, no?
Yes it will and thank goodness! The men who will be detracted are the ones who want to use finances to control and abuse you. You’ll be better off by pursuing your education. There are many, many women who regret neglecting their education for a man but very few who regret getting their education. Relationships come and go, your education can never be taken away from you.
Do you want to marry a cowardly little incel who has big sad feelings about your knowledge and expertise? Because you can find those everywhere. Or do you want a grown, mature, thoughtful man?
Any man who’s turned off by you having an education and a good career is insecure, controlling, and not worth your time. They can look for the bangmaid of their dreams elsewhere.
Also, TikTok is infested with tradwife propaganda, so that’s another thing to keep in mind.
I’m an intelligent man without a bachelor’s degree but a solid career. I have been very happy in relationships with women holding advanced degrees, including a 20-year marriage and my current life partner.
There are men who will respect your accomplishment and value you for the person you are.
Comments
Id marry you so atleast +1
Sounds like a great way to weed out weak, insecure men.
Nah. All in.
I mean, it’s a good way to weed out the insecure shitbags. Why in the world anyone would want to marry someone who’s intimidated by education is beyond me.
Yes, I have a phd. No, it hasn’t prevented me from marrying an awesome person.
Anyone who won’t marry you because you’re educated is not someone you should want to marry. Full stop. Go get your degree, that’s badass.
Depends who you’re trying to marry.
I think it’s the same as any high level of achievement – some people won’t want to date a weight lifter, or someone who does endurance running, or a competitive chess player. Don’t let that stop you from living your life. The right person will say “wow!! She can benchpress me! She’s my dream woman!!”
Weak men get freaked out by strong women.
If those losers are self-selecting themselves out of your dating pool, they’re doing you a favor.
Absolutely! There are a decent chunk of people unwilling to date people that they perceive as being better than them. That might mean more education, more money, owning property, a large support system, etc. The ones you really need to look out for are the ones who will date you but spend the relationship negging you.
it depends on who you want to marry
I have a Master’s degree. My husband told me he was attracted to the education lol.
Do you really want to be married to someone who would stop you from advancing yourself because it would make you more attractive to them?
I feel like the people who would find it to be a turn off, you probably wouldn’t want to be with anyway.
I wonder if part of this is that if you’re spending a lot of time getting a PhD in mechanical engineering, that’s going to be time that you won’t necessarily be able to spend actively dating and looking for a partner.
For full transparency, I have postgraduate schooling but no Masters or PhD
I have an MBA and I’m on husband #6. Don’t listen to TikTok.
Go get someone on your level.
Depends on the man. I can’t speak to the distribution of men out there, but for me, a graduate degree immediately makes any woman more attractive.
Who cares? That’s absolutely not how you or anyone should be making important life decisions.
Nah, those are worthless ones anyways.
The question you need to ask yourself is whether these men would even be worth spending time with if they can’t handle being with a woman who’s smarter than them.
If a man loses interest if you’re smart, he’s the one who’s unmarriageable.
I don’t have the answer for you, but my grandma stopped one credit short of getting her PhD because she was well-to-do and in those days (1960s-1970s) it wasn’t done that women were more educated than their husband. And then my mom got her bachelor’s and her JD together in five years. I think about that all the fucking time.
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
What you should think about is why being an educated woman with the capacity to better support yourself might make men less interested in you.
It means you won’t be as dependent on their good graces for your own financial stability. You’ll be able to provide for yourself, and get out of a bad relationship in a hurry if you have to.
It means he might have to come face to face with his own insecurity, realizing you know more than him, or make more than him. That you’ve done more than him.
It’s about power. Control. Dominance. It’s the same reason why they’ve always been opposed to women receiving an education, or taking a job beyond homemaking, or gaining political power.
You get that fucking PhD, MechE rules. Any man who loses interest in you because of that isn’t worth losing sleep over, he’s a bullet dodged.
Time to take a break from tiktok. And if you are reconsidering getting a PhD because 1) what tiktok says and 2) what a potential partner would think, you need to undergo some very deep introspection on your priorities and self worth.
Stuff you see on tiktok is absolutely not representative of reality. And as many other have correctly said, anyone turned off or intimidated by your intelligence is not worth your consideration.
Man, the fact of you having a mind to be an engineer is already a strike against for a lot of men. Come on. Millions voted for Donald Trump.
I date women. Women who date women are a much smaller percentage of the population. I know about scarcity. But trust me, if women can find women to date when such a tiny percentage of women date women, you can find a man who appreciates women for who they are.
But yeah, of course just thinking about being an engineer would rule out a lot of men. Obviously, not the ones you’d ever want to be with.
It’s likely they react that way because they don’t they have anything to offer (low self esteem)
Hell yes it makes you less marriageable. All the losers who want an easily controlled servant are gone from your potential dating pool. Keep on weeding!
Men: I can’t get a girlfriend woe is me also men: actually I could get a girlfriend but turns out girls are smarter than me and I can’t handle it
One of the things I think many older women wish they had done in their youth was to stop giving a flying fuck what other people thought about their choices. Go live your life. Do you want the PhD? Then get the PhD. Do you want to travel? Then travel. Do you want to enjoy life? Then go enjoy life. None of those videos and the opinions in them should matter. You own your life. Live it. The right man will love you for that.
Great way to filter out the boys from the real men.
??? Who cares
Sure, but so does having standards.
Also, don’t take what you see on TikTok as any kind of organic phenomenon. What you’re experiencing is a widespread social engineering attempt to lure women away from any kind of self-reliance. Tradwife, anti-birth control, and anti-education videos are being pushed all across the platform as part of this effort to dissuade women from making their own way because independent women have historically been one of the largest drivers of social progress. But when you can convince half the population to give up their agency (particularly to the benefit of the other half) you take most of the wind out of those sails.
I met my husband in grad school getting a PhD in engineering. Just be yourself and you’ll meet someone who wants YOU. Why would you want to marry a man who wouldn’t date someone with a PhD?
What are these algorithms y’all have?! My FYP has never.
Please don’t ever make major life choices based on men.
I get how you feel but as an older woman, I regret every minute I wasted on men who had nothing to add to my life other than strife.
You should want better for yourself. You should do exactly what you want to do and look for a partner that will love you for who you are, rather than marry someone for the sake of marriage. Because that usually ends in cheating and misery.
Imagine how you might feel if you don’t get the education you want, which leads to jobs you don’t want. But you find a man! And you get married and things are okay for a while. But nine years in you realize he has been cheating on you with multiple women. Or is a gambling addict and wasted your entire life savings. Or is an alcoholic. How will you feel knowing you traded pursuing your dreams for this man?
I’m not saying every man is like that, but a lot are. It’s much better to set yourself up for success first before ever getting into a situation in which you are dependent on a man.
Not to anyone you’d want to marry. Only reason it would is that that person is very insecure in themselves, and that always causes catastrophic problems over nothing.
As an individual man, absolutely not. Were I single and looking, an advanced degree would be a huge point of interest. Think of how much I could learn in our conversations!
But as others have already said, insecure men and the huge media sphere that supports them would maybe feel intimidated about it. Ignore those men. It’s not your job to reeducate them.
Short answer: yes.
Medium answer: It will shrink the pool of options, but the options that remain will be better.
No. My sister in law met her partner right after she finished her masters and had started her PhD, he’s a successful professional wedding DJ, she’s finishing her PhD next year, and they’re planning a wedding for after that. He’s even decided to take her name because she’s never changing hers since it’s on the diplomas, and he no longer has contact with the father that gave him the name.
And any man that wouldn’t want to be with you because you’re more educated than he is is the type of man you want to stay away from anyway. So many of the women in my life have more education on paper than the men they’re with, and lots of them got together with their significant other either during their studies or after.
Why does it matter?
You don’t exist to get married. You’re a whole person regardless of if someone “chooses” you or not.
I told my husband, who I was dating at the time, that I wanted to finish my masters before we got married. He patiently waited the 4 years (as I was going part time) and then made sure we were good together and proposed.
If you being educated puts off a guy, then he isn’t the right man for you. Get your education, learn loads, and be proud of having those letters at the end of your name. The right man will respect you more for the commitment and intellect.
Only to pathetic men that you wouldn’t want to be married to anyway
Im old and don’t use the tik tok. But this sounds like some right wing astro turfing to dissuade young women from seeking higher education
All studies I’ve read on the subject say that education is highly correlated with marriage. (Here’s an Atlantic article: link)
It’s less educated men and women whose marriage rates have dropped over the decades, not educated men and women.
Ignore TikTok; get educated! 🙂
If I were a man, I think I would find a woman with a mechanical engineering PhD hot but then I don’t have a fragile ego
Maybe. But it would also make you smarter, more employable and more educated. So there’s that.
Just the trash taking itself out. Why are you worried about it? You’re not missing out on anything by having those men eliminate themselves from your dating pool. A man like that will only make you miserable.
Only less marriageable to insecure weenies.
People who want accomplished and intelligent partners will be happy to marry you. And those are the guys you want.
To state it bluntly: it would make you unmarriageable to men who aren’t good enough for you.
I mean, those don’t sound like men worth dating… sucks that if you achieve something it turns dudes off there by “limiting” your dating pool but honestly, if I were interested in men… I wouldn’t want them in my dating pool anyways… (I am a cis hetero male so… take that with a grain of salt)
I would find you even more marriageable.
Honestly why would you want to marry a man who wouldn’t date a doctor because he only likes women dumber and less successful than him? Even if you weren’t smart you shouldn’t want a man who hates smart women. Hiding how smart you are to attract a man seems like an insane way to get a husband. Sure maybe you will find someone to marry but why is that the goal if the man is a misogynist?
If someone is turned off by women being educated, they aren’t the kind of people you want to be marrying anyway.
Better question: Would you want to marry a man who feels you are less attractive or marriageable b/c you have a PhD? Pretty pathetic dude to think that, no?
Yes it will and thank goodness! The men who will be detracted are the ones who want to use finances to control and abuse you. You’ll be better off by pursuing your education. There are many, many women who regret neglecting their education for a man but very few who regret getting their education. Relationships come and go, your education can never be taken away from you.
Do you want to marry a cowardly little incel who has big sad feelings about your knowledge and expertise? Because you can find those everywhere. Or do you want a grown, mature, thoughtful man?
Also, maybe don’t conflate TikTok with real life.
Any man who’s turned off by you having an education and a good career is insecure, controlling, and not worth your time. They can look for the bangmaid of their dreams elsewhere.
Also, TikTok is infested with tradwife propaganda, so that’s another thing to keep in mind.
Adult male answer:
No, it wouldn’t.
I’m an intelligent man without a bachelor’s degree but a solid career. I have been very happy in relationships with women holding advanced degrees, including a 20-year marriage and my current life partner.
There are men who will respect your accomplishment and value you for the person you are.
I was previously interested in a woman who is currently working on her PhD in environmental engineering. An intelligent woman is Beautiful.