I’d like to start off with saying he’s (17m) not actually my (16f) bf, we’re not officially dating but we kinda just call each other boyfriend and girlfriend with the understanding that we are exclusive and when the time is right for both of us we’ll make it official. That said, we act like a couple.
However, one thing that he is constantly upset about is my ex. I would like to make it clear I am no contact (I have him blocked on social media and texts) with my ex. I do not talk to or interact with him. He goes to a different school than both me and my current bf and is in a different grade than me.
The first big argument we had about this was a lot about purity. We were talking about sex and stuff a little bit, and he mentioned how he thought I was super innocent and he couldn’t picture me doing anything. I, wanting to be honest, said I had done some things (gave vague details that I’m not gonna give here, think a couple words, but not graphic or anything like that), and he blew up at me. He said I lied, because I previously told him I hadn’t done anything sexual, but in my mind I hadn’t. This might seem dumb, but I thought “anything” meant oral sex/intercourse, and since I hadn’t done that I thought it was safe to say I hadn’t done anything like that. He basically ended our relationship for like a day, saying that I lied about being a virgin (I didn’t), reposting videos saying things like “when she tells you about her past and you have to act like you’re not disgusted”, calling me a liar, saying he lost feelings, doesn’t ever wanna speak to me again, and is gonna block me. However this only lasted one day.
I recently found out through a friend however that my ex is talking to a girl from my school/grade that I have a really messy relationship with (she spread lies about me and almost ended my relationship with my best friend by telling her lies about me, and caused me to have multiple panic attacks in school) and I was upset. Me and my bf usually talk to each other about everything, so I thought I could bring this up to him. However he immediately got cold and distant and then we had an argument where he said he didn’t want to talk about my ex. I apologized and that ended, but I feel very alone, and like I can’t talk to the person I should be able to talk to about anything. I know it can be a sensitive topic, but it’s not because I still like or want my ex, but because it just feels like a crappy situation overall.
Another time this happened was on FaceTime earlier, I was screen sharing and he asked to see my drafts on TikTok. I have two accounts, a main one where I don’t post and a spam where I post. Therefore, all my drafts on my main account are old and I haven’t even looked at them in a while. I didn’t know there was a draft of me with my ex there. I didn’t see it. I scrolled past it and my bf kept telling me to scroll back up until it was on the screen, then he got super dry and quiet (I saw it immediately after he made me scroll back up and deleted it on FaceTime with him watching). He then lied to me, saying his mom was home and that he had to go. He later told me this wasn’t true and we ended up FaceTiming again and everything was fine, but im worried about all of this.
I really see a good relationship with him happening and I just want him to be happy, he’s a great guy (funny, a little nerd which I love, handsome, passionate, very affectionate) and really is so sweet, always complimenting me and being so kind. I want to know if there’s any way to help him come to terms with my past. I understand I may be in the wrong in some or all of these situations, but I also feel like he is slightly obsessed with my past considering his reactions to these things, and I just want him to feel happy and secure because I do care about him a lot. How can I make him feel better?
p.s. sorry for weird spacing, I’m trying to avoid the wall of text flag. This has gotten taken down a bunch
TLDR
my (kinda) boyfriend is obsessed with my purity and my ex. I really care about him and want to make him feel better about my past. What can I do?