I don’t even know where to start. My MIL is genuinely a nice person, just so overbearing and exhausting. This is partially because I’m an introvert and private person. She made her kids her whole world, and now that I’ve birthed her first grandchild, she is her whole world.
She’s obsessed with my baby girl and it brings out some protective mama bear instincts in me. Even while I was pregnant she was constantly talking about how she’ll babysit and was sending me and my husband photos of herself when she was pregnant.
Baby girl is now 3 months and she’s still constantly talking about babysitting. I shut it down every time. She texts me and my husband every day. She calls him every day, sometimes twice a day. She wants to know every little detail about baby girls day. Once I made the mistake of telling her that baby hasn’t pooped in a few days, then she started texting me asking if she’s pooped.
My MIL and FIL come over every weekend, sometimes for a couple of hours and it’s so exhausting to me just because my MIL is constantly talking and constantly sharing unsolicited advice. My husband is very close to his family and I also want my daughter to have a good relationship with them so these visits are a must and I’m ok with that even though I wish they were less frequent or shorter.
I just feel like my MIL is living through us and it’s not healthy. I’ve told my husband that sometimes I feel like it’s me, him, and his mom in this relationship and while he does agree sometimes that she can be too much he doesn’t want to change anything because she’s getting older and her health isn’t 100% which I understand. I have a good relationship with my parents who live 3 hours away and I don’t talk to them nearly as much as my MIL is trying to talk to me. It just makes me overwhelmed
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Can you compromise with your husband on spending less time with your in-laws OP? I mean, if it is exhausting you, I don’t think the situation will become so much better in the long run. Do you feel like you can put up some boundaries and spent less time with them and more time with your new little family alone or do you have to fear some negative reactions from his parents, such as guilt tripping, passive aggressiveness etc?
Sounds exhausting OP. I think your first priority needs to be getting your husband onboard. Has he read about enmeshment? Sounds like an issue with his mother. I also think you need to express to your MIL that you are not asking for her opinions, something like ‘MIL I’m sure you understand I need to work out how to do this my own way. I’ll ask if I want advice, otherwise please let me figure it out.’ When she does it again, say ‘remember I’m figuring it out myself’ and get firmer each time.
Maybe in terms of visits, have something planned after two hours so that need to leave. Or have something planned at their regular visit time and say we need to skip this week.