My wife reads mumsnet and there is a lot of woman commenting on how much more they do. It does not reflect my life or all the men I know. None of the men I know complain about the “emotional burden” of doing the stereotyped but unseen work of their life. I would say from the group of men I know , in general they tend to do more:
Lawn mowing
Gardening
Anything with ladders
Jar opening
Outdoor activities with the kids (cycling, rock climbing, skating etc, )
Long distance driving
Late night driving
Insurance
Roast dinners
Large scale cooking
BBQs
Oil top ups and changes
Tyres
House maintenance
Decking
Watering plants
Bins
Dump runs
Again this is not meant to be a battle of women v men and may just be my group of friends and family
Is this reflective of your lives and do you just get on with it without any complaining
Comments
I make the all money. As such, I do a few leisurely bits, mow the grass, bit of DIY etc. She wants to do less? She has to contribute more of her time making money.
Cheat 😂 (joke)
Negotiate peace.
Ah mumsnet – proof that every online community eventually comes to (outwardly) reflect the views of its more vocal outliers.
I actually do think that in many relationships there is an argument that women carry more of the emotional load/”stereotyped but unseen work of their life” and I try to split that evenly with the missus (equal partners remember) but as always there are people who take that too far the other way.
On the whole I like balance, I can cook, she can cook better and enjoys it so she does the majority of the cooking and I clean up, I’m better at painting/decorating so I do the majority of that she does the cleanup – it’s always about balance and the effort put in from both sides.
That list is a bit ….I do the things that my wife doesn’t really want to do bit I enjoy doing as compared to the things that (stereotypically) your wife might do that’s….this is all the things I have to do an I don’t want to do any of them.
Gathering dirty washing, washing it, drying it folding it and putting it away, in time for kids school and activities.
Planing the shopping, getting it, cooking the food, help or encourage the smaller ones to eat, put it all away wash it up or load the dishwasher, put it all away when it’s dry, wake the kids up for school, get them ready, give them breakfast and clean up after, take them to school and remembering all their stuff and any school events. Hoovering, general cleaning, making sure there’s loo roll, dry towels, clean bedding. Packing if going away, booking activities, remembering sun cream or gloves, swimming stuff
Honestly it’s a daily battle of getting everything done that has to be done and keeping the whole house running and a man can swoop in after work on Friday after a full week of this and getting kids ready and packed for a weekend away and say
I’ll drive to my parents tonight and women are expected to be super relieved at this, even though it is an extra burden lifted, it’s actually also a reason why the mum has to be the one to keep the kids entertained in the car, dishing out snacks, keeping the peace between siblings blah blah blah.
You could skip any of the things on your list if you didn’t feel like doing them that day and that says a lot about the burden you do or don’t carry
Depends on the relationship in question.
Like if I were to use my parents as example I’d say my father does FAR more emotional regulation and support for my mother than my mother does for him. Like completely different orders of magnitude. My father was always the one playing peacemaker and buffering everyone else’s emotional nonsense from each other. Especially my mother who has zero ability to compartmentalize. If she’s having a bad day she’s going to make sure everyone else does too. My father has a bad day and you’d only know if you directly asked him.
That’s a short list; I do way more in my relationship because I care about and value my partner. If I see something that needs to be done and I have the time then I generally just do it-we don’t assign chores as ‘hers or mine’.
Heavy lifting and investigating scary noises