So firstly, I must reiterate that this is NOT incest. They are my half siblings on opposite sides. My sister and I have the same mum, different dads. My brother and I have the same dad and different mums. So they are both related to me, but not each other. They are not really doing anything wrong, but damn it feels like they are! I am 26 M. My parents divorced when I was young and both remarried and had my half siblings with new partners. My half brother is 23 and the sister in question a year younger at 22. I have always been close to both and consider them two of my closest friends. They barely saw each other growing up. Which is why when my brother called me for a talk, I was absolutely stunned. Like I have seen my brother and sister kiss! It feels so wrong, like even though it’s really not. They want me to give them my blessing and support them, but I can’t. I refused because I can’t pretend I am ok with it when I am not. Of all the people in the world, they chose to be with each other! I am now getting called a selfish jerk by people in the family. Do you agree? AITA?
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So firstly, I must reiterate that this is NOT incest. They are my half siblings on opposite sides. My sister and I have the same mum, different dads. My brother and I have the same dad and different mums. So they are both related to me, but not each other. They are not really doing anything wrong, but damn it feels like they are! I am 26 M. My parents divorced when I was young and both remarried and had my half siblings with new partners. My half brother is 23 and the sister in question a year younger at 22. I have always been close to both and consider them two of my closest friends. They barely saw each other growing up. Which is why when my brother called me for a talk, I was absolutely stunned. Like I have seen my brother and sister kiss! It feels so wrong, like even though it’s really not. They want me to give them my blessing and support them, but I can’t. I refused because I can’t pretend I am ok with it when I am not. Of all the people in the world, they chose to be with each other! I am now getting called a selfish jerk by people in the family. Do you agree? AITA?
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NTA I’d feel weirded out as well. This is going to create some real messed up family dynamics, especially if their relationship doesn’t work out long term.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) refusing to support and give my blessing to my half brother and sister on opposite sides dating.
2) because they are really doing nothing wrong. Just two young people in love. It’s just unfortunate how weird it makes things for me
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. I mean, on the one hand, they are not related and did not grow up together. They’re allowed to be together romantically. But you are also absolutely allowed to be deeply uncomfortable with it. I would be too. Just take a while to see if you can get used to it maybe, and if not, go from there. Hang in there buddy.
NTA but there’s really not much you can do. Sorry.
Gentle YTA. I get this situation, I also felt weird when my cousins on opposite sides were dating – both were related to me but not each other.
It’s fine to feel weird about it, but it’s not ok to openly oppose it only based on that. You can set up boundaries (like you don’t want details on their dates or nights together obviously), but if they are happy and healthy then I don’t think it’s your place to object just cause you feel a bit weird due to your dna.
NTA
its a little weird but its not illegal or that weird. personally i think it is to do with also how long you spend with the person. if they spend their whole child hood considering each other brother and sister then its weird
but you do often see couples who were friends since childhood, but its the fact that from early on they considered themselves not siblings.
YTA. Not your circus not your monkeys. They are not half siblings. They are step siblings. Illegal in some states here in the US but while awkward nothing wrong here.
At least you’ll know all the family at the wedding. Where will you sit? In the middle of the aisle?
NTA for being weirded out about it but it’s just you in the middle of this situation. You’re the link between. Very unusual.
YTA – Both adults, both not genetically related. The only issue is within your head… Grow up and get over it… Also as others mentioned, non of damn business…
I say NAH.
Yeah, I can see how you can be weirded out, they’re your siblings, you share blood with both of them and you grew up together. I’d have been weirded out too.
But remember that they aren’t related at all (blood wise), if they didn’t have your parents as one of theirs, it’d have been completely normal. They’re just two people who met while kids and kinda grew up together, who also share a common person (you) and through that they connected.
So while yeah it does make my brain work hard to understand the dynamics, they aren’t doing anything wrong. I think it’s mostly weird for you because you consider yourself close yet you had no idea about any of it happening. Maybe you just need time to adjust to it. Either way, you can’t stop this relationship from happening and if you try, you really would be a selfish jerk. Remember, this isn’t about you.
YTA. They are consenting adults in a legal relationship. Mind your business. Simple as. Unless one of them is abusing the other it’s not your place to decide it isn’t allowed.
an odd situation and your allowed to have opinions about it. thats about it, only an A if your being hostile about it
YTA Yes. Get over it. It’s no different than someone being a jerk over a gay couple kissing. It’s your job to get over the “icky” feeling because they are not doing anything wrong.
Therapy. Talking it out with a good friend. Desensitizing yourself by looking at photos of them being cute and couple-y. Whatever it takes, if these are two people you actually care about, do it. Let them be happy with the love that they have found.
You are NTA for feeling weird or indeed being concerned should the relationship end badly.
But as you acknowledge, they are doing nothing wrong. They are not related and did not have a sibling type of relationship growing up.
I think technically YTA? I think I would have to be the asshole too if I was in this situation though, because of course it seems weird from your perspective.
NTA just yet. This is clearly big, weird news so you’re allowed some time to accept it.
But, if the relationship lasts and they actually love each other, you’re going to eventually have to. They’re not trying to hurt you and you don’t really have any right to get in the way.
And if the realtionship doesn’t last, avoid “I told you so”.
NAH
I’m assuming they didn’t grow up together so they obviously don’t see each other as you see them. They aren’t related at all.
NTA. And don’t listen to this rubbish here, this is borderline incest. People who do this will always have borderline excuses for doing strange things in the future. Just don’t leave your kids with them in the future, they will count the genes
NAH. I understand why it feels wierd but ase you pointed out, they aren’t doing anything wrong.
NTA. “How do you know the couple?” “They’re my siblings”
My younger sister(different dad) dated the daughter of my mom’s best friend, who happened to be my cousin via my stepmom( not my sisters stepmom). I do not doubt the fact that we referred to her girlfriend as Cousin First Name, played a role in their breakup. To be clear we were fine with them dating, but it annoyed them that we acknowledged their familial relationships to us. I come from a very large family that intermingles with a few other large families so it’s not unheard of that people in our family met their spouse at a wedding or it turns out that they have an aunt in common via marriage.
100% YTA
Feeling weird is fine. Standing in the way of love is not. This is a you problem
NAH. If you don’t like it you don’t have to. Nor should they care what you think.
YTA. You admit there is nothing wrong but you can’t open your mind and be happy for them. Spend more time with yourself asking “why am I not ok with this when I know they aren’t doing anything wrong?” Your half brother is kissing a woman who is not related to him and didn’t grow up as a brother to her. Your half sister is kissing a young man who is not related to her and didn’t grow up in a sister role with him. Here’s your chance to open your views.
NAH.
They do nothing wrong as they are not related so they can‘t be assholes.
And you can nothing for the feelings it gives you because i completely understand this is weird for you.
I would suggest you let them be happy with each other but tell them you are uncomfortable and they should please holding back on kissing/ touching and so on when you are around them. So everyone can accept eachother
YTA. Their relationship is not about you. It’s about them. You admit they are not brother and sister.
Yta
Sure it seems weird and I’d probably struggle a bit too but it’s not about you. It’s literally absolutely nothing to do with you what they do. They’re both adults and aren’t related
NTA
THEY are fine to date. YOu are not keeping them from doing that.
YOU are fine not to give them your blessing. They are AHs for demanding that, and insisting when you said NO.
No one really sucks here.
I would love to be present at their wedding though.
YTA… you didn’t even say why you’re uncomfortable with it…. And it seems like you don’t have an actual reason you’re just minding other people‘s business.
Don’t listen to these wanna be Alex Adams in the replies, if you feel it’s weird and you’re not cool with it, then that’s ok and completely understandable. Theyre your brother and sister and they are still very young, you 100% have dirt on both of them, pass some truthful information around that will make one or the other get the ick and bounce
You are in a very unusual situation.
They are not blood related to each other. So you are right, it’s not incest.
If you weren’t related to them both and these were just close friends of yours getting together, would you feel the way you do?
I don’t think TA exists here. It’s down to how you view the relationships you have with these people. To you, they are your brother and sister.
I’d suggest finding a way to cope, though. I have no idea how, as it is a very rare situation.
NTA, I can definitely see why this would be uncomfortable, its also going to be very awkward when they break up.
This reminds me of my dad’s friends situation, this couple had been together for a while and started talking about marriage, so her divorced mum met his widowed dad and the really hit it off, so well in fact that the parents got married quickly in secret.
Which made the first couple, my dad’s friends, step siblings. And the parents would constantly joke about it until the parents actually said they didn’t feel comfortable with their kids getting married, even though they were together and talking about marriage first!
I think it’s very dangerous territory to judge people by what they “feel” as opposed to how they act. Of course you feel weird about it, those are your siblings.
Having said that, feeling a way and acting a way are two different things, and it would probably be a smart move to be supportive of two consenting adults finding love.
Uuu
Yta
you’re definitely NTA – they haven’t considered how them breaking up would affect you, especially if it ends messily. sure, they’re not related themselves, but you still don’t shit where you eat.
Soft YTA.
I can understand why you are upset, you see them both as siblings. But they didn’t see themselves as siblings, they love each other, and they seem happy together.
Suck it up and be happy for them. If you love them, your feelings should came second to their happiness when it doesn’t disturb yours.
NTA, it’s like one step from incest, it’s weird. I don’t blame OP for freaking out and he has a right for every mind fuck that he is going through…
Yep.