Okay I’m 27,M AuDHD (ADD and Autistic) and I hear allll these stories about women getting harassed and stalked after and basically get all those weird and unpleasant feelings because of men.
Because of that I’m minding my business, never looking at anyone, changing the street when a woman approaches or when I’m walking behind one and never look at a woman if I don’t have to.
Now I hear all these stories about woman and men flirting with their eyes in the train or tram or on the street walking by each other, checking each other out, talking (with strangers)
So is it okay or isn’t it okay? I’m not talking about blatantly staring at someone for minutes but trying to lock eyes or something?
I feel like if I’d be a woman it would be irritating to see all those men looking in my eyes or try to lock eyes, when I’m walking down the street or sitting somewhere
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With eye contact, it needs to be one the same level. If you’re giving her a smile, is she smiling back? If you look repeatedly, is she also meeting your gaze repeatedly? If the answer is yes, then you might be flirting or on the way there. If the answer is no, or – worse – if they give you an annoyed or anxious look, then stop immediately.
There’s a difference between looking at someone and acknowledging that they’re attractive, maybe greeting them with your eyes, and then moving on, then there is gawking at someone where you stare too long and make them feel uncomfortable.
You can look at a girl all you want if you are talking to her, or otherwise two-way communicating with her. So if you catch a girls eye and smile at her and she smiles back, you can keep looking. If she doesn’t smile back, communication over and you stop looking.
Don’t get her attention by staring! Unless you are a smokeshow I guess and even then. If it doesn’t happen naturally then you are kinda cooked. Think of it this way… the reason you are staring is because she caught your eye and your interest and you are now thinking of her long moments after you first saw her, right? Well, you can assume that she also saw you. If she isn’t stealing glances at you long moments after she first saw you, what does that tell you? You are to her like all the other people in the space are to you: invisible and forgotten. It’s already over. Her looking up to see some dude looking at her is going to get you the opposite reaction you were hoping for.
If you want to make something happen, approach her with as little investment as possible. Not shooting your shot because that is scary pressure… instead just tell her what you thought when you saw her – and leave it at that. Her reaction to this news will tell you whether or not its going any further than that. If she turns her body toward you, lingers, asks you literally anything, then ask back and if that goes back and forth a couple times, ask for a number or something.
If you aren’t communicating with a woman, treat her like the sun in the sky, beautiful but more than a discreet glance will burn your eyes out. If you get caught, smile and look away. If she is interested, you’ll catch her looking at YOU.
I feel like there’s some sort of myth about strangers locking eyes and falling in love, it’s just not that realistic.
It’s maybe happened to me once in my life that I’ve noticed a woman checking me out sat opposite me at an airport. we ended up briefly chatting about music (she was wearing a band shirt) and that was that got on separate flights and nothing more.
In reality you meet people through other people. You strike up a conversation with them and see if there’s good chemistry, if you both have a laugh and enjoy each other’s company.
Staring at people in public in hopes they might suddenly fall in love with you will just give off loud alarm bells and make them feel incredibly uncomfortable.
If you REALLY want to meet strangers, have a very good excuse to strike up a casual conversation, (usually something you both have in common (late train or bad weather or good coffee anything that makes sense in the context of your situation) and you can probably tell if they’re interested or not in continuing that conversation or not.
If you have trouble telling social queues, then keep your conversation fairly brief and leave space for them to talk if they want, they will keep talking and asking questions when you finish speaking then they’re interested in you. It’s quite simple.