Winner is the highest upvoted so lets up everyone’s game here.
“Why did the Melons have a traditional wedding”
Because they CantElope.
Alright Men of Culture, What’s Your Best Dad Joke?
r/AskMen
Winner is the highest upvoted so lets up everyone’s game here.
“Why did the Melons have a traditional wedding”
Because they CantElope.
Comments
What did the piece of Sushi say to the Bumble Bee?
Wa – Saa – Bee
You have to hand it to short people.
They can’t reach it themselves.
What do you call a cow who cuts your grass? A lawn moo-er.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because he was stuffed.
Mine is a long-running one. Whenever I’m in the car with my wife or weans and I go to reverse, I look at them and say, ” ahhh, this takes me back.”
Extra points if my son has his girlfriend in the car and I get a “dad you’re so embarrassing” to accompany the eyeroll.
I used to tell dad jokes until he died.
Wife: I’m hungry.
Me: No, you’re Austria!
What do you call a frog that’s parked illegally? Toad.
What’s twitter ? It’s that part of a woman between her twat and her shitter.
Even if a bear wears socks and shoes he still has bear feet
Did you hear about the actor fell through the floor boards?
He was just going through a stage
When someone complains it’s too hot or too cold, I answer with “It only feels so hot/cold because the temperature is so high/low”.
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
R!
Aye you’d think it’d be the R but really it’s the C!
What word starts with an “e” and ends with an “e” and only has one letter?
An envelope
If you make a man a fire, you keep him warm for a night.
If you set a man on fire, you keep him warm for the rest of his life.
What do you call a snobbish criminal going downstairs? A condescending con descending.
Why are kleptomaniacs terrible with puns? Because they’re always taking everything literally
What does the janitor say when he jumps out of the closet? Supplies!
Have you heard of the new device that helps keep score by ringing a bell when gorillas play table tennis.
It’s called the King Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong.
Two fish are in a tank, one looks to the other and says “how do we drive this thing?”. Two soldiers are in a tank, one looks to the other and says “glub glub glub glub”.
The Norwegian Navy has begun a program of painting bar codes on the sides of their submarines. It’s so they can scan da navy in.
Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re really good at it.
I was gonna tell you a joke about time travel……..but you didn’t get it.
I will always remember what my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket.
“How far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
When I fart: “Woah don’t stand behind me, you’ll get freckles!”
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent
why don’t skeletons fight each other?
they don’t have the guts.
I made up a couple a few days ago on a bored walk to the shops.
What’s a cannibals favourite snack?
Bubble bum!
And my personal favourite,
“I bought a new tv last week, only thing is it keeps changing channels?
Must be one of those adHD tvs!”
I personally was creasing up at both of them
what happened to the cow that jumped over the barb wire fence?
udder destruction
Someone tells a steak joke
“A steak joke? That’s a rare medium, well done!”
What is the name of the desk where a vampire does his taxes ? Accountable
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Same middle name.
What’s it called when education has you all bent out of shape… Schooliosis
What’s dad’s favorite bees on Halloween???
Boobees!!!