I (41F) matched with someone who seems like a great guy (45M) so far (I know that’s easily done at this point). We had a really easy time talking and laughing and some things seem like they may align from conversations. He asked for another date at the end when he walked me to my car, gave me a kiss and called the next day to lock in a date.
Here’s the thing.. On the date we discover we have some mutual connections and he went on to list the name of a guy that, when I was in my 20s, I worked with and said to him if he ever left his girlfriend we should hookup. It’s embarrassing for me because I’m not into hookups these days and haven’t been for a long time. I’m torn between feeling bad if he talks about me to that guy at his workplace or other people know (small industry, small town, we were young and I hear how boys talked) vs it’s not really any of his business and I should just forget about it. Can you please offer me you perspective on this situation if it was you? Would you even care if on all other accounts, the person is pretty great and the connection was good? TIA
Comments
Life happens, right? You weren’t actually involved with this guy, you made an sort of approach, it never went anywhere and that was it? No biggie as far as I am concerned.
Wouldn’t care at all
You’re too old to care IMO. Who you were in your 20s shouldn’t matter a whole lot now, esp for something as innocuous as this
Get it in your head. People are people. Whoever you put in a pedestal. Is putting someone else on a pedestal
You are massively overthinking this. This is a complete nothing.
I’d be curious as to how serious it was and whether you still wanted him, but nothing beyond that. Your history is your history.
Honestly, 20 years ago, wouldn’t care at all. If anything, if I was really close to that dude, I might give him some shit about what he missed out on. But only in a friendly banter way and only if he and I were really close. I couldn’t care less that at one point, you thought a guy I knew was hot enough to want to fuck. 🤷♂️
Why wouldn’t matter. It’s irrelevant
Way too old to have this much angst
If that guy is the type to care about something like this, it’s a red flag.
That other dude doesn’t even remember u. If he did, he would’ve called at some point. We all arent as memorable as we think.
That was what, 15 odd years ago? What are the chances that guy remembers you made a pass at him?
But let’s say he does remember, if I were the guy you are dating and I found out, I would be more concerned that you made a pass at a man who’s in a relationship. But it WAS ages ago, so I’d probably ask what was going through your mind when you did that, simply out of curiosity. That being said, there IS a wrong answer to that question though. If I was met with deflection or accusations of insecurity, I’d be out of there so fast.
You’re both in your 40s do you expect dates to be virgins now? By this age you realise sex doesn’t matter so much and it’s about the person you want to be with. We all have history and there’s no point sweating about who they have slept with before you.
Why should he care? He is dating current you, not past you.
0
What happened in the past is out of your control OP. Its all good. If the guy has an issue with it, then that’s on him
You didn’t do anything horrible in your past. There’s nothing to worry about, even if you had a long-term relationship with a friend of the person that you recently met. It doesn’t matter it’s your past and if this new person has an issue with it then that’s something he has to deal with. And if it becomes an issue consider moving on.