How do you cope with life restrictions?

27M, come from a rather conservative Singaporean family. Have been feeling super restricted by all the rules imposed. No sex before Marriage, no drinking alcohol, no drugs, no smoking, no dangerous activities like skydiving or scuba diving. No non local girlfriend. No going for massages. My family has heard all about the deaths and paralysis stories.

At work? Boss refused to approve my leave, either by ignoring both emails and messages, or by claiming he’s busy. Constant overtime. Severely underpaid. Salary is even lower than fresh graduates but I’ve work for 3 years. Pay is even lower than employees who did not serve National Service. Social segregation, my work friends have left the company, so I have lunch alone. 30 days of unclaimed Off in Lieu. I’m planning to leave soon, but it’s hard to find a job nowadays.

My work colleagues / seniors would simply throw their tasks at me, given I’m the youngest there and their excuse is to “train me”. I’ve voiced out that I simply cannot cope with workload. Twice. But because I self diagnosed OCD, I work hard to cover everything, staying late, while employees arrive in office at 10am left at 430pm, while I arrive 10am left at 830pm/9pm, sometimes even 10pm. Boss is MIA.

Labour laws cannot help here. I’ve checked the rules of of max hours, claimable Offs, etc etc. It’s like I’m made to work at EXACTLY below the limits.

I have seeked help from other seniors, but they would act like I’m the PITA. Okay but again, I’m leaving already. But that’s the restrictions I have at work.

Work team is currently shipping me with another girl who is the only one I’m close to, so to avoid more rumors and speculation, I distance myself from her. So it got super lonely super fast. Perhaps I should ignore what others think. But I don’t know if it’s the right choice.

I’m also usually the guy that plans surprise birthday celebrations. I’ve planned like 8 big ones in my life, and even planned 2 marriage proposals before, all of which were successful. But no one has ever done it for me, like how I did it for them. Heck, none of them even wished me HPBD. I really think its saddening, but I am going to stop putting in effort for people who don’t do the same.

Relationship? I was physically cheated on. Took me awhile to realise. Some parts of me gave the excuse that it was understandable given I was the “sex after marriage” guy. Kinda stupid. So I have trouble opening up, having some trust issues.

I have a rather strange voice too. When speaking in a noisy environment, it would be dull, drowned out and cannot be heard. When speaking in a quiet, perhaps 1 to 1 or small group setting, it sounds like a child who hasn’t went past puberty.

Usually my (good) ideas won’t be heard at work. But those who hear them will use it as their own. So I’ve gotten to the habit of CYA emails. But with friends, I can’t be bothered anymore.

Over time, I realise everything that comes out from my mouth is negative. I’m always complaining. So I took note. I stop talking about negative stuff. I stopped expressing my emotions. I guessed they still showed on my face though. Until my RBF was so ugly that even I cannot stand.

I’m still super appreciative and grateful to be alive, to have roof over my head. Be at least earn enough to survive. But that’s not living.

I’m putting this online because I have nowhere else to go. Family will lecture me instead of helping or advising. Parents are getting old, so in some ways I fear that disobeying their rules would hurt them or depress/upset them. Friends aren’t close enough, and I realise they can’t be bothered to listen to help. I realise everyone only cares about themselves, no one really cares about people who you aren’t close to.

Seeking professional help is not an option. A single good therapy or counselling session costs more than 200 bucks an hour, which I cannot afford.

I’m sure people out here have similar or even worse stories. I wanted to know how to overcome this. How did you seek help? Read books? I’ve tried. Exercise? I do that daily. Sleep more? Can’t afford in this economy.