I often get told , don’t get married
I was told that by my father , some friends and some other random men I have met.So many of them give me that advice it’s frankly alarming.
What the hell is going on with some of you.Never been married yet just been in relationships
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Learn from their mistakes. Things just ain’t what it used to be.
And women can divorce you at the drop of a hat and your life is over just bc she is not happy for w.e reason. I’ve declined 2 marriage proposal just because of this. No thanks.
Edit: The downvotes vs upvotes on my statement is crazy. LOL. Let’s see how many still believe in this nonsense.
I always think it comes from toxic men. I also always think thats a sign of toxicity in men. I try not to linger on the subject too long.
Wisdom.
Marry if you know she is worth marrying. Marriage is not something to take lightly.
My mom always told me to never get married, perfect advice as far as im concerned
Get a pre nuptial. And yes, don’t get married, don’t cohabitate and live in separate independent households where both of you aren’t living together or depending on each other that much.
You do that and you probably will have a good long term relationship.
It’s honestly, it’s a bit dramatic.
Get married. With proper prenups or postnups if applicable, and proper clauses.
Marry someone with a moral compass similar to yours, a similar understanding of financial literacy, and a similar or compatible love language. That knocks down like 70 percent of any problems from the get go.
I mean… if you’re in a healthy relationship, you’re in love… not getting married doesn’t seem like good advice. I wouldn’t say bad… but… not good. If you both want it… do it. No?
Others have bad experiences… doesn’t mean you will too.
It comes down to what you want.
If you’re in a fantastic relationship with a woman you trust, and with a woman who associates with people you trust (this is just as important…), and you’re looking to build a life together with a home, a family etc., then marriage is absolutely a good thing.
But, if you have any doubts on marriage to her (not doubts on marriage as a concept) then you wait until those doubts play out.
Marriage is definitely tough it’s hard
Looking into the reality of legal marriage benefits vs the cost of no fault divorce convinces smart, self sufficient men not to get married. It’s fairly to be the worst financial decision of a man’s life.
The lopsidedness of the contract (practically speaking) creates perverse incentives for bad actors, reduces agency for the abused victims, and reduces consequences for abusers.
its such a bad idea I can’t believe men still fall for this shit lmao
I don’t beileve in marriage, so don’t care about it. You wanna go do it, grand have fun with that. Not for me or my woman.
This vague advice based solely on their own bad marriages is terrible.
Here’s my advice: Never get married.
All I know is that I was a child in a man’s body before my wife came along, and now I’m finally a man in a man’s body. Marriage grows you up into better people if you let it.
There’s no benefit to being married, there are a thousand problems if you get divorced.
When you marry someone, you have to hope that your relationship to them doesn’t change for your whole life. How many relationships are that stable across so many life stages?
These days, women are encouraged to divorce as soon as they are dissatisfied in their marriage for any reason, and then they have all the cards in divorce court.
It’s a huge gamble to take, getting married, without any potential for anything positive that you wouldn’t already have anyway. Unless you have strong religious beliefs, of course, but that’s extremely rare these days, too.
I think they meant “don’t marry the wrong person”. The thing, if you actually meet someone you want to be with forever and have been together for many years already it won’t make much difference to either one of you. So if you want to make it “official ” you’ll approach it emotionally as well as logically and take proper precautions “just in case”
It’s nothing new, I was told the same thing when I was young in the 80’s and 90’s
Only get married if you genuinely want that person as your next of kin for the rest of your life. If you want to automatically share property and children with them, if you want them to be the person making your decisions if you can’t make them for yourself, if you honestly want to be there to take care of them if they can’t take care of themselves, if you can’t imagine anyone else being who would be the first person called in case of accident, then you should get married. The truth is that couples can live life together just as well without being married when things are easy, but if you want guaranteed access to them and to share the burden when things get hard, then legal marriage is the best way to cement that
The people offering their advice are somewhat projecting their issues onto you and somewhat giving you good information.
The reality is that getting married doesn’t really offer any benefit to men anymore. Maybe it did once upon a time. But not anymore. These days, it’s pretty much nothing but liability and risk. There’s just no upside to getting married.
I saw enough men have their lives completely ruined by divorce to know it wasn’t worth it to me. There’s a reason so many men are telling you not to get married. It is not a good idea. Staying single and childless has worked out very well for me. Im 46. I date casually most of the time. Im retired and living a very good life.
Nearly every man I know my age that got married and had kids is miserable and will be working until 3 weeks after their funeral. The ones that got divorced are even worse off. The ones still living anyway.
I wouldn’t do it again, it doesn’t mean I’m not relatively happy, it just means that imho men don’t really change over time, but women change, hormones, have the kids, have the home, have the life …. Don’t need to keep “dating” keep “trying” , whereas men are told that unless they are literally perfect they won’t get any in the bedroom.
When you do cost analysis of marriage(as a man), you realize everything is against you and you have dang near everything to lose and nothing to gain (get rid of any mental gymnastics men do to convince themselves “they’re happy”). If it’s anything I’ve noticed, any genuine happy man in a marriage is the exception, not the norm and even they aren’t immune to divorce.
Ex: I have a house, three paid off vehicles, a retirement account, savings account, stocks account, peace at home, peace when I leave the house, and peace when I return home. Give up all that because a woman convinced me to sign a legal document that gives me nothing in return yet I lose 15+ years of my hard work that no one helped me obtain but myself. Hard pass.
a lot of women want a big shiny thing and a party. i would say to your partner “can i buy you a big shiny thing and throw you a $Xk party where your mates can all celebrate us “getting married” but leave the government out of our relationship? have ernie and bert marry us kinda thing? face certificate? then like 70% of women would probably be on board. most women want the spectacle not the legal commitment. i got married, its been fine… do i recommend it to everyone? hmm maybe not everyone but its kind of like buying property. its probably not a problem when you’re 20 – 50 to be cruising rental listings but noone wants to be hiring a uhaul at 70 being like “ow gotta move cause my landlord wants to give this house to his kids” if you find a house you like and you have enough capital to be able to invest in that place and keep it forever, you wont be a sad bitch when you’re 65 being like “oh i never found somone”
If those men are in a happy, healthy relationships they are pulling the piss and shit stirring you. If they aren’t in a good relationship or divorced, they are most likely giving you sound advice from their perspective, but the least likely scenario is that your woman is no good, and they are warning you off. I’ve had all 3
Marriage is hard work but 100% worth it. It’s the same with being a father.
I pity them. Because i know they are the problem and i know that with the right partner, marriage is awesome.
I think most marriages start with good intentions. But everyone changes throughout their lives. Sometimes it’s no one’s fault people change. I’m often glad I didn’t get the tattoo I wanted at 20 years old because it would be stupid on me now. It is when you get past the honeymoon period is when you find those idiosyncrasies people have is when you know if you are compatible.
What’s generally meant is marry well and at the correct stage in life.
People have had bad experiences being married.
You also have to realize, as well, that most of us happily married guys aren’t on here talking about it. Those who go through really bad deals will be more vocal.
In other words, it seems like more men hate marriages.
50% of marriages fail. That means half of marriages don’t end in separation. Now, the other 50% is actually a smaller number of men because among those you hand people who get married multiple times and divorced.
Only marry, if you’re one hundred percent sure. The negative repercussions are extremely heavy if you make a poor decision. But if you find that right person, it’s very much worth it. Always have a prenup.
It’s projection mate. And passive self-victimisation. Projection since apparently these men in your surroundings have bad marriages, and so think all marriage is bad – and passive self-victimisation because they’re whining about their marriages which they themselves are a part of. For in marriage, as is is most relationships, you get what you give. If you give little, you’ll get little. These men probably give little.
That, or it’s just male nonsense talk. A few of my friends used to say this too. So much that I grew exceptionally tired of them and started asking real questions to find out if they meant it or not. I told them if marriage is so bad, did they regret getting married? Was it really such a bad choice? Are their wifes really so bad? Why would they say such things if they themselves are part of their marriage, so if it’s so bad why don’t they change it? Etc, you get the gist.
These friends retraced their words quickly when I started asking me, assuring me that they surely do love their wife and they regret nothing, and that their anti-marriage talk is ‘just a way to release some relational frustration in the safe environment of our friendship.’ I told them I got it but they need to stop whining cuz it makes them seem like little ungrateful bitches. They made their choice, and they love their wife still, so they need to stfu and talk good about her, and most importantly, don’t fkn confuse and hurt me by telling me being single is the best when I personally HATE it and would love having a wife.
Luckily they heard me, and I seldomly hear them saying shit like this no more.
Historically, marriage was born from arrangements centred on practical needs like ensuring lineage, protecting property and securing alliances. Religion then popularised it, as another way to strike fear into people and control them. The pressure was on to get married, then have kids as early as possible. Its place in modern day society is (slowly) dwindling.
The whole vows thing of “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part” just seems so backwards to me. If you truly feel like that towards someone, why do you have to make it legally binding before god/state with witnesses? Why not just act upon it yourself? If you truly love someone, you will do it regardless of marriage or not – therefore marriage becomes meaningless.
A lot of women (and a good amount of men) love the whole planning, white dress, celebration aspect of it. I find it borderline narcissistic, and I’ll get downvoted for saying that but it’s how I see it. I don’t need to prove to anyone that I love someone. Only the person I love. Every single day.
All of this is not to say I want all marriage banned. Everyone is different and I apricate my views on the subject are a lot more extreme than others. But I do believe the vast majority of people rush into marriage waaayyy too quickly, and that’s why over 40% of marriages end in divorce.
Maybe they know what they are talking about?
yeah, i aint listening to those guys.
‘i hate my wife’ type boomer shit, if you’re not planning to marry your partner you’re with the wrong person.
Check the divorce rates and see if you’re a gambling man
Put it this way.
If marriage was sky diving and the parachute only opened less 50% of the time, would you jump?
Don’t do it bro. Trust me.