Hi,I just really need to rant. I feel like the biggest idiot. We started to date a few months ago. Now when I look back it feels like lovebombing,but i sounded great then. I didnt date much and he was my first. I know,really late but life happend. He was pushing a lot of things. Talking of our future and living together. Texting all the time and calling. He was a bit flaky or late when we set up a date but he was working 2 jobs.
Two weeks ago he started to reply later and later and he changed. He told me he has a tumor on his brain. I didnt eat for days and i just cried because i kept thinking he is going to die.But right at the start he gave me his code for phone. I never did that to anyone but one night i went throu his phone. Found out he is married. And not sick. And I am an idiot.
I met his friends and they knew what he was doing. I made him a small birthday celebration and a cake and presents. He met my family. And with my mom he spoke about our plans. I found texts with his friends about me and i just hate myself. Because i did all of the thing that i did with open heart and really good intentions. But i guess im just nor really worthy of anything normal. Im just really tired of life. Any advice is welcome. Thank you
Comments
A mix of complexity and unpredictability
Update your vetting process. Learn from this. Not all men are like this. Look at the left hand ring finger for a farmers tan line.
Don’t beat yourself up. I am sorry you got swindled.
Well, he’s married, and you didn’t know. It’s not your fault. Confront him and get out of there. Even if he’s going to divorce his wife to be with you in the future, he can do the same to you later with someone else. Even if he’s in an open relationship, you are not his side piece unless that’s ok with you.
It sucks for you, and shit happens, but all you can do is leave, take a break, take it as an experience, and think about how you may do things differently next time like tell the other person to stay away from you if they’re not single.
Don’t take this as a comment on you or your worthiness. Sometimes people are just horrible to us for no good reason. With humility we realise that it’s nothing to do with us. It’s all to do with who they are. We just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
There’s no need to victimise ourselves further by attacking our own character. Other people do that enough. In these times you need to remind yourself what’s good about you and don’t give up even if that seems hard.