Hi guys , i am new to this community and there is something that has been troubling me for so long.
I am from india and i am 19F . I struggled so much thinking about this. i desperately need your help.
sooo there is a guy that i had a crush on from 4th grade. then the feelings i had for him grew even stronger from eighth grade onwards till now. It entirely became unrequited by 12th grade. i tried avoiding him but i wasn’t able to . he came to school by his bicycle and i would often get the chance to see him cycling, and god he is soo handsome doing that. he is tall, pale, wears glasses, has beautiful black eyes, his eyebrows are bushy .he has long , beautiful fingers and great hair too.
whenever classes end i would always look for him in the subtle ways. he was shy and he maintained a low profile at school. not really active on social media either. BUT
he never looked at me the way i looked at him . he looked away whenever he noticed that i saw him cycling his way home. gave me mixed signs. never ever talked to me and i didn’t either. i last saw him at my high school graduation . i did not look back at him.
our school was very conservative and so are our parents. girls aren’t supposed to talk with boys alone at all .the reason i ask for the internet to help is simply that MY parents don’t like that.
the minute they know that i have feelings for a boy they will kill me. it is not really comfortable to talk about that either to them at all. my mom told me that these feelings are normal but you will have to avoid them at all costs. it is hard to talk to indian parents about love. they hate it when kids go against their rules regarding love or marriage. well in my family love marriage is a one way ticket to heaven. parents will disown you for life. I am talking about strict parents like mine here. i really wish there was someone to talk about this.
i realized that it was limerence. i still have thoughts, dreams about him quite often. it hurts my feelings that he didn’t realize my feelings. it hurts that he may have looked down on me. it hurts that he ignored me and that i felt insecure with him.
even though i have feelings for him, i want to move on and heal . i want to unlove him . idek what to do anymore. i feel like crying. i feel as if it is unhealthy for me to obsess over someone who didn’t even care about my existence. i really want to let go of him , to actually let go of this guy whom i was not with physically or mentally.
the question is: is it the right thing to let him go? will i ever meet someone who will love me back? will I be able to love someone even more than my crush?
thx for reading stay safe out there loves bye
tl;dr: this is all about my unrequited love that needs help.