No cards or congrats from inlaws at our wedding reception.

Hey y’all, just venting after our reception

Some background: my partner and I of almost 8 years eloped in Hawaii in the spring time this year. When we got engaged, FIL would call often and say “your mom is crying and crying, tell your fiance to call your mom more”. .. but no congratulations. My husband has had to remind her to say congrats 3 times before she ever did (to him, not to me unless we were on the phone together). Los of questioning ” are you sure” and telling us to “wait’. We said fuck it, let’s elope. We had been together 7 years at that point. I’ve been around, this isn’t new.

She tells me and my husband different things, so I two not to be alone with her. She will tell me one thing, and my husband the complete opposite as if we don’t talk. She is very different when my husband is not present. Every chat we have is monitored by my husband for this reason, whether she knows it or not. He will call her out later, but she often makes a dumb excuse of why she was not being straight forward. (One example is that she got a puppy, and told me since the beginning she was going to re-home it. At the same time she was telling my husband how much she loved the dog and is keeping it forever, up until she found it a new home).

Fast forward to this past weekend, we had a reception with family and a few close friends.

Preparing for the big day, she made it about herself. We had a “suggested dress code” because she kept sending photos of white dresses she wanted to wear. My husband reached out and said only the bride wears white at weddings.
Thankfully she listened. She sent me a photo of a dress the color we suggested and said “don’t tell your husband, I want to surprise him!” And I said (maybe a little too bold) “ooh maybe you could surprise your husband!”
She said “oh, it’s a girl thing. Just don’t show him” (I showed him.) He thought it was weird the mom was trying to surprise the groom on his day, with her outfit. No happy congrats or sharing in the celebration, just look at my cute fit.

It feels like she wants him to sweep her of her feet or some shit.
When she talks to my husband she gets all squeally and goes ” awwww really??” “Aewee soo sweet, you passed a building? what type of building did you just pass?” (Examples of the mundane she oohs and awws about. He’s her favorite) But for me she talks normally. Totally different.

She came to our wedding celebration and said she only came early because she thought we were taking pictures.. we didn’t even have a professional photographer. It was outdoors in grass and she walks up in super high heels. We asked her to come early to help set up. She came 30 mins early and sat in a chair. She was rude to me, but as soon as my mom came she said “how can I help?!” In a high pitched voice. My mom told her how she could possibly help, she made FIL do it.

I made a pair of earrings out of dried flowers for her, and other special people in my family. FIL got a button I made and wore it with pride. When she opened the earrings she said “I have nothing to wear with these” and tuned away while tossing them on the table. Later in the day, she was wearing the same earrings. She was talking to my family members that her son favors, about how creative I am. She was collecting my family members numbers for some reason, she got a bunch of my parents siblings numbers. She’s been calling the grandma I’m closest to, which makes me uncomfortable. Why is she being so sweet to everyone around me, while simultaneously icing me out?

When it came time for photos FIL and MIL said they wanted photos of ONLY their kids, first. They have always exclude me from photos, but at my own wedding reception? My husband said “no, we are doing COUPLES photos.” And “we can take the photo and include my wife”. I would have understood if it was later in the day or something, but first thing stung a lot.

She didn’t take any photos of us, but took several of her other kids. She wouldn’t look at our elopement photos, we had them displayed in a couple places and she kept saying “nope haven’t seen them”. She was asking my aunts to send her photos they had taken of us and being super sweet to them while being rude to me.

My parents set up the reception, it was outdoors in their yard. They not only helped pay and set it up, they also gave us a card. His parents arrived and asked where the cards go..

Today as husband and I were going through cards, he kept saying “I bet that one is my parents!” And we got to the bottom of the pile with nothing from them. No card, no note. Not even a simple acknowledgement. MIL didn’t say “congrats” or I’m happy for you”. In our guest book she wrote about it being a nice day outside and that’s it. I could tell this hurt my husband’s feelings. I’m trying to be supportive, but I’m really hurt, too.

His aunts and uncles all gave cards and gifts, which I’m so grateful for. I don’t want to sound like a rude bride but it just hurts his parents aren’t there for us.

We are moving close by to them in the same city. My husband has been good at seeing boundaries but she’s really bizarre. She’s sent photos of the outside of our apartment building, and wants the apartment number so she can look at the floor plan. She doesn’t work and has far too much time on her hands. I’m proud of my husband but this woman is A LOT.