Just looking for support.
I (33F) have recently started seeing a man (35M) that I’m very attracted to; we were talking about what we’re into sexually and he told me he’s into anal. I am as well and told him I’d be down but need lots of time to warm up and lots of lube for it to be enjoyable.
I was out of town for 3 weeks and very excited to see him when I got home again. He unexpectedly invited me over to hang out with him and a few friends and we ended up getting drunk and high, and I decided to stay the night after his friends left. We start having sex and midway through sex he starts trying to put his dick in my ass so I ask him where the lube is… He says he doesn’t have any so I tell him we can’t do anal. A few minutes later he tells me something along the lines of “baby I wanna cum in your ass so bad” and I decide to let him try again, no lube.
Getting it in was a struggle, then he starts fucking my ass and it was painful but bearable. In retrospect probably would have been much more painful if I was sober. I want to please this man so badly that I just decide to bear it.
As you might expect this didn’t end well. He came and immediately fell asleep on top of me, no after care, no cuddles, no “babe can I get you off too?”. My ass was throbbing and I felt so used and sad, so disappointed in myself for letting this happen. He wasn’t even pushy, I just let him walk all over me for no good reason. The next day I wake up to a grape sized hemorrhoid on my asshole and I have no one to blame but myself.
I’m on day 3 now and I’ve been doing all the over the counter treatments but I’m in so much pain I can barely drive or sit at my desk at work. I just feel so stupid and lonely and angry at myself. I don’t even know what I’m asking for here but if you made it this far, thank you for listening.
Comments
I’m so sorry hun 🙁 It wasn’t your fault, a good sexual partner would have been more considerate towards what you wanted and took a no as a no the first time you said so, instead of pushing
Him begging after you said no the first time was him pushing the boundary you set previously that he should’ve respected.
Should you have been more assertive when he did that? Yes, but his actions were very selfish.
I’m so so sorry. Please don’t beat yourself up. You are Everywoman.
Every single one of us has let a man casually abuse us for the only reason that “𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘯!” (in the voice of Olive Oyl, Popeye’s sometime girlfriend – which seems to be a model for us all at some point). I wince at some of the awfulness I allowed and am still embarrassed decades later. I can offer understanding and sympathy.
As for Mr. Recently Started Seeing? You should not see him again unless it’s to pick up stuff you left at his place. Don’t get into a discussion about why – you can tell him that you’re cutting it off because he doesn’t respect your boundaries but don’t discuss because he’ll try to convince you that you’re overreacting. Or you can just ghost him which might be safer. He clearly deserves no courtesy from you. His entitlement is disgusting and it’s clear he sees you as a sex toy and not a human.
I want you to consider that this man sexually assaulted you. You said no, he should not have kept asking. You’re not really to blame, you said no, he didn’t care.
You telling this story is going to help some woman who will be put in this exact situation and she will remember what she read here and remember your pain, it’ll save her from this experience and she will be lucky to avoid it thanks to you. I hope you recover soon and please cut this rapist of a man out of your life.
It already happened, being mad doesn’t help at all. Go look for a doctor and look for professional help.