Minor vent but it’s something I have to get off my chest. I sometimes see videos on social media (first mistake, I know) of mothers showing their post-partum bodies and how it changed them, for realism and transparency. The comments of these videos are overwhelmingly filled with other young women, and girls, saying things like “I’d demand a tummy tuck” or “I would never ruin my body like that” and things of that nature. All I can think of is, how does this make you better than a man?
Look, I get it. Pregnancy is absolutely brutal for women, and it is good that we are now better informed and warned about the risks and downsides. It has a huge impact on your health and sexual faculties, those are truths. But I think we need to use some nuance and empathy when discussing, especially, strictly cosmetic consequences.
We shouldn’t expect, or hold other women to this impossible ideal that bodies are supposed to “bounce back” after pregnancy. Your body is not “supposed” to look the same after pregnancy in the same way it will look different when you’re 40 as opposed to 20.
You can have saggy breasts, stretchmarks, and a belly, even without ever kids. I have two of the above as a childless woman. If you ever went through extreme weight loss, you understand. We must please stop perpetuating these insecurities by projecting them onto others. Your body is the least interesting thing about you.
I also saw a comment saying that their husband agreed to paying their tummy tuck if they were ever to have children. Why would you want your husband to pay for a tummy tuck? You should never need to “want” a tummy tuck for someone to love you. In fact, your husband should kiss the very ground you walk on if you ever decide to have children together. If your partner won’t accept you exactly the way you are after giving birth, please never have kids with him.
Comments
If I could upvote this post 100 times, I would! So beautifully put. 👌🏻
For me its ‘the list’ comments. Like ok, I understand that the list was created to share the more scary parts of pregnancy and its mostly a become a meme at this point, but holy shit. I HATE seeing “where’s the girl with the list???” on very normal shit. Like if a woman shows her post partum belly or stretch marks, and a bunch of shitty assholes come down to tell her that she is disgusting and they are personally using her as an example of why not to have kids. Because thats a very real woman’s very real body you are commenting on?
>Your body is the least interesting thing about you.
It should be, but for a huge number of women, it isn’t. Even if they say it is, their body checking behaviours show that it isn’t. Many women base their entire self-worth on their appearance, to the point where they don’t develop any other aspects of themselves. These tend to be the ones who are very judgmental of others, because to them, appearance is all there is.
As you stated, a woman can have the ‘hallmarks’ of a post-partum body without ever having children, but that’s not something that society accepts. With the intensity of filter use across social media, it’s no wonder there has been a resurgence of fatphobia, and a rejection of anything less than perfect. We’ve really taken a huge step backward in the last few years.
Thank you! I was so hopeful some years ago with the body positivity movement, now young people are growing ever more hateful about our bodies. Why?
For myself, I have made peace with my body, after anorexia and recovery (and severe surgery due to after-anorexia-complications, and recovery). But young girls see my body as a failure, now, at a healthy BMI, warm, stronger than ever. And I don’t think there is a way to make males think of women and their bodies as human anymore.
So I’ll go ahead and tell everyone they are beautiful (if they’re not shitheads)
I think in reality, women are harsher than men about their own bodies. Men talk a lot of shit online, but in reality, they don’t nitpick as much, IMO. For example, in my personal life, It’s always been my female relatives who have a comment to say about my weight and looks. It’s sad, really.
These young and critical women have no idea what’s coming. I bet they barely do much to maintain their fit bodies rn and they’re so proud of it. I mean, they can do as much as they want to avoid any changes, but after menopause it’s a different story. I say this as someone who is slim as well, I’ve barely had to try to be the shape that i am. But even I know that this won’t last. At least I accept that. Imaging not accepting it and watching the inevitable ageing of your body. Imagine avoiding having kids or spending so much money and energy or fixing your body only to watch it age, eventually. Wouldn’t that be sad.
You expressed it perfectly.
I am 1 year PP and I am really struggling with my body. It’s so ill-fitting and I am trying to internalise the ideas that I had two children back-to-back and my body grew and nurtured two babies. I have so many stretch marks, including a very fun root-like one that goes above my belly button. It’s all wibbly and squishy, and I know it’s normal but I hate seeing my body. I am trying to be neutral about it, but all I want to do is tear it off and throw it away. I’ve never had a great body, even when I was super active.
I hate that I have internalised this shit discourse, but I can’t seem to escape it. I think about the fact that should my daughter chose to have children and she had these thoughts, I would be heartbroken for her. I’m trying, I really am. I’m so tired and sad.
I’m sorry for venting.
Why are women “forced” to like dadbods but men can hate on the body of the woman that carried his children 💀
Agree. If people want to change their bodies they can go ahead but let’s re think the way we look at aging bodies. If your skin is starting to sag you can count yourself lucky that you’ve lived long enough for that to happen. It would be better if we understood it for the badge of honor it could be.
I’ll admit sometimes I don’t feel that satisfied with the loose skin of my stomach after childbirth, or the fact that my breasts don’t feel as ‘full’ as they did before breastfeeding, but these are both signs of the incredible feat that my body accomplished in making and pushing out a whole new human being. I’m a creator of life, and my body shows those signs. What’s wrong with that?
I totally understand what you’re saying OP. The reality is these young women are interested in attracting men, and men want the most pristine bodies possible. They know that, they aren’t stupid. When you’re younger, you care a ton about looking good for a man. Despite how feminism dictates that you should be accepting of all bodies and everyone is beautiful. And don’t forget how brutal social conditioning is on teenagers and young women regarding appearance. Remember how savage the peer pressure was from other girls?
Not saying it’s okay, but I get why those women are saying what they are. It’s fear. The fear of being unloved, unacceptable, and getting older