Hi everyone,
I’m currently pregnant with my third baby, and I’m seriously considering saying no visitors at all during this entire pregnancy. I’d love to know if anyone else has done this — not just limiting visitors after delivery, but during pregnancy too.
Here’s why:
In my last pregnancy and postpartum, I was treated really badly by my in-laws — and it started before I even gave birth:
They told me I “needed to learn how to cook” while I was pregnant and exhausted.
They said my husband was doing everything and implied I wasn’t “pulling my weight,” even though I was literally growing a baby and later recovering from a major tear.
They told me to hire someone to clean my house — without offering to help or pay for it.
They reorganized my entire kitchen without asking, and I still can’t find anything.
They broke things in my house and never offered to pay or take responsibility.
And through it all, there was no emotional support — just criticism and control.
That experience was traumatizing. Now, in this pregnancy, my body is literally spotting and bleeding in response to stress. It’s happened more than once, always after an emotional argument or being pushed about seeing my in-laws. Once I rest and disconnect, the spotting goes away. My OB says it’s likely uterine sensitivity from stress, not cervical issues.
I’ve already said no to birthday parties or events — but I’m now feeling like I want to say no visitors at all until after the baby is born. No drop-ins, no visits from in-laws, no exceptions.
This boundary feels essential for my health and peace. But I still feel guilty because it’s not what people expect, especially when you’re “supposed to include family.”
Has anyone else gone visitor-free during pregnancy?
Did it help your emotional and physical health?
How did you explain this to your partner or family?
Thank you so much if you’ve read this far. I feel sad, lonely, and wish this wasn’t the situation.
Comments
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I’m sorry you’re looking for permission to put your health and mental wellbeing first. It sounds like your husband has failed to support you and is choosing to placate his family of origin instead of showing up as a husband and father.
Its entirely OK to avoid people who cause you physical and emotional symptoms of stress and anxiety. If you’re not familiar on boundaries or how to set them, I would highly recommend getting a book or doing some research on the topic.
I went NC with my MIL when my son was 13 months. My MIL caused me so much stress and anxiety during my pregnancy and my husband just let me deal with it. He did ask her to stop essentially harassing me with furniture we had said no to continually, but she only listened for a month. There were no consequences.
My MIL didn’t attack my character or dare act like my health wasn’t important, but she didn’t consider our needs and feelings as new parents either. I had to be the one to set boundaries with her and she retaliated. My husband supported me but didn’t think it was his job to get involved. And since that was his stance, I told her off, gave her 6 months, and then when she doubled down on her behavior, I cut her off from me and my son.
I was pregnant with our second when I cut he off and I truly think the stress and anxiety she caused contributed to my miscarriage. It’s been almost a full year of NC and I’m 19w pregnant!
Going NC was completely essential and necessary for my health and healing. I realized that my never saying no or feeling comfortable making other people angry with me was part of the problem. I prioritized everyone else before myself and wondered why no one cared about me. Closed mouths dont get fed.
I’ve made my hill to die on my husband involving his mom into our lives without a sincere apology, accountability, and change behavior. The relationship will remain distant after she does apologize until she can show changed behavior and rebuild trust. That’s not asking for too much, it’s asking ME for too much to rug sweep her behavior and continue giving her what she wants at the expense of me, our children, and our family lives.
It took my husband until a blow up fight on mothers day and a few counseling sessions to understand his mother IS abusive emotionally. He had to learn the hard way that his mom’s relationship with our family depends on him being able to establish boundaries, enforce them with consequences, and not just let his mom behave how she does because of his fear, obligation, and guilt.
My pregnancy has been way more peaceful this time without anyone trying to steal my joy, force interaction, guilt trip or manipulate, or triangulate my husband and I.
You don’t need validation and permission. You need to put your health first and accept that every choice has a consequence.
You can tell your husband exactly what you need from his family and him in order to feel safe and secure in their presence. If they’re unwilling because they feel entitled and aren’t capable of respect, what purpose do you actually have to being around them? You don’t enjoy it, so it’s just FOG – fear, obligation, and guilt. I would hope your husband cares more about your health and unborn child than adult feelings.
They made their beds, time to lay in them.
But they’re going to blame you, call you sensitive, try to find a way around your boundaries, put a lot of pressure on your husband to get you back into line. That’s hard to deal with, but in the long run when you keep consistent boundaries, they tire themselves out and have no choice but to accept it.
If your husband pushes, tell him you’re not willing to see them until you both get couples counseling and work to ensure your physical and emotional safety around his parents. Hopefully he’ll realize the damage is as severe as it is and be up to take action.
Either way, shine your spine and focus on your health. Your deserve it.
You, and your baby’s health is the most important thing. If they cause stress, send DuH to them rather than having them anywhere near you. Is he really so unconcerned about both mother and child that he still wants to force their awful behaviour on you? Shame. Shame on him.