Hey guys,
My wife is really abusive and controlling and at this point I really don’t know how to deal with it.
We have been together for 3 years and married for a few months, she always has been like this but I just hoped it would get better. She tries controlling everything, calls me a piece of sht for every mistake, like not folding the towel well, gets angry fast and what’s maybe the worst, sometimes she beats the sht out of me when she loses control and since he is almost 1.5x my size, I can only try defending myself, but I am full of bruises.
When she is not like this, she is really nice and good wife.
I know the best solution would be just to respect myself, get divorce and get the f out, but as I live abroad and have nobody else than her, I have no chance.
Comments
Dude, you got no kids, get a divorce.
Leave her NOW!!!!
Don’t wait. It will just fuck you over more later.
Sack up get the fuck out.
You will be happier for it in the future.
Document your injuries then use it for the divorce.
Get out before she traps you with kids. Dude, this is easy.
It’s fine, just wait until she stabs you or permanently maims you, then you can leave!
I’m sure this violent behaviour won’t increase!
You know what you need to do. Every day you prevaricate you make your life harder on the other side of her. Being OS doesnt change anything about the required action.
I think what could help is you – finding yourself out a bit. Abuse is wrong and I know you that obviously you feel the negative impact but you can’t allow yourself to go through this. I don’t know if you are not saying something about this situation that is entire truthful but regardless no one deserves to be abused by their partner. If you have family allow them to encourage you. You are 29 and I’m sure being married or the idea the start was beautiful but now it isn’t. You can’t be afraid to be alone. It’s just a feeling that you can fix later. You’ll end up hurting yourself so bad emotionally you’ll only expect this and you’ll become an abuser I swear it happens all the time. Even with yelling arguments people end up always expecting a fight and yell bc they are scared and unsure if the other person is willing to listen because they are so damaged.
You ask for advice but in the same post you say that the obvious and only realistic solution (getting a divorce) is not possible. So it’s a little “eh” ..
Because, the only solution is getting a divorce. She won’t change. And even if she does (which is very unlikely), it will be a progress that takes quite some time. What are you going to do in this time? Suffer through it?
Ask yourself what is the “better” alternative: Staying in this relationship and continue to get treated like shit. Or get a divorce including all the inconveniences this might bring along. Yes, it will suck for a couple of weeks or even months.
But I don’t know.. still sounds like the better of two evils, if you aks me. Don’t underestimate what this situation right now does to you psychologically. The longer you stay in this, the deeper the mental scars will be you have to fix afterwards.
100% keep any and all evidence of any abuse.
Then report to the police and get a restraining order. Then divorce.
Leave. Now. Get up, walk out, go somewhere, don’t tell her where you went.
Sounds like bullshit bait.
Bait used to be believable
If she is open to therapy, there might be a super small chance this behavior goes away. My experience with abusive people as that they are not open to therapy.
Collect proof, make photos, and visit the ER when warranted. Save abusive texts and notes. Record fights. Find a good lawyer who will help you make the exit as swift and pleasant as possible.
Go to the consulate/embassy off your country and ask for help.
I am sure she has her reasons. But yes you should not stay somewhere where you feel abused.
Sometimes people make mistakes in choosing a partner. The being is that she chose you which she is not happy about and behaves like this.
Try to see what problems she has , there is always a more in depth reason.
And behave like a man and ignore her nonsense about abusing you. Unless she takes up a knife or gun . Then you install her in a mental hospital.