35F unexpectedly pregnant. We dated earlier in the year for a couple months, broke up and got together for one night a few weeks back…
I had an abortion about 10 years ago and it was traumatic
I’ve always wanted to be a mom.
Im financially secure , and he is too. Except now he is claiming the baby will ruin his life. He’s 38…
I’m super conflicted – the timing isn’t right to be a single mom. But what if this is my only chance? Do I give up this baby in hopes I meet a man who wants to marry me / have kids with me in the future?
I really don’t want the abortion, but he calls me every night crying telling me he’s broken from the news.
I’m just scared regardless of the path I take … just looking for some comfort I guess
Comments
I’m not sure anyone here can give you an answer. It’s a tough decision. And it’s your decision.
My only question might be if you have the financial capacity, why (for you) is it a bad time to be a single Mum?
It won’t be your only chance. Maybe you’re better off having a termination and finding someone who wants to be a parent with you. You have a few more years left of fertility so don’t think this is your one and only opportunity to be a mum.
Baby daddy doesn’t want in and it will put you and baby in a situation where you don’t know if he will ever want to be in any way shape or form involved. Kids ideally should be wanted by both parents. You could be a single mum but this guy will always be in the picture as a reluctant parent.
If you’re very early stage pregnancy you could have a medical abortion if it’s available in your country.
You’re 35, not 45. This is very unlikely to be your only chance.
If you want to be a single Mum later you can get a sperm donor after this. But the guy said he doesn’t want the kid. Do you want a child growing up in that environment? Even men who wanted kids can do a 180 because they claim it is too hard. Only do this if you are ready to do it solo. Maybe get an IUD in the meantime?
He’s 38…if having a kid is going to ruin his life, then he should have gotten a vasectomy.
Take his crying out of the picture. Just because he wants to manipulate you into an easy out for him doesn’t mean you have to listen. Stop talking to him for a week. Tell him you need space and if he doesn’t give it, then block him temporarily.Take him out of the picture completely and focus on yourself.
Decide whether YOU want to be a single mom at this time. Do some meditation. Talk to a trusted friend or family member who won’t try to sway you, but just let you talk about the pros and cons. Journal it. Take walks in nature, or just whatever you personally do to connect with your heart or a higher power if you believe in that. Shut out his noise so you can hear yourself.
> he calls me every night crying telling me he’s broken from the news.
Stop answering. It’s not his decision. If he didn’t want to accidentally become a father, he should’ve got a vasectomy. Your body is the one dealing with this pregnancy, so it’s your decision and yours alone. Tell him you need space to decide, then block him until you’re ready.
If you’re prepared to be a single mother, go for it. Prepared means financially and emotionally. This man sounds like a deadbeat in the making. And there’s a possibility he’s already married and that’s why he claims this baby is going to ruin his life.
That being said, 35 is hardly old in reproductive terms. The chances are high that you’ll be able to get pregnant again later and carry to term.l
Maybe work through this? Don’t let him make the decision for you if you can do it without him. Either way it’s your choice. Good luck https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5fd543bf605f16050e94ab23/t/5fed146a0db4f45ccb4d312b/1609372782775/pregnancy-options-english.pdf
Do you really want to be tied to the father for the rest of your life? He sounds immature and selfish.
Do you want to bring a child into the world who may grow up knowing they were unwanted by one of their parents?
People who contemplate having children often frame the choice in terms of themselves; Will I regret having this baby? Will I regret not having this baby? But what about the person the child will become? Will they be best positioned for a happy life?
People raise children joyfully on very little, so I’m not suggesting any one set of attributes is required. What I am saying is that life can be immensely difficult under the best of circumstances, and you do have an opportunity to stack the cards in favor of the life you are ushering into this world. Do you feel that this situation is that?
Sounds like this guy is trying to manipulate you into becoming dependent on him, and he said it will ruin his life meaning he might hold it against you in the near future.
I wouldn’t factor his emotions into this,
You’re fertile enough to get pregnant from one night.
You’re financially secure.
Egg freezing seems like a good idea. It’s extremely hard to date with a child under 5 so bear that in mind on top of having to deal with a reluctant father.
Your choices are
keep the pregnancy, deal with baby daddy drama, and significantly reduce your likelihood of finding a long-term partner
Abort and freeze your eggs. Either you find a new man, or you can get a sperm donor at 40ish