I’m a don’t touch me type girl,it’s how I was raised, I don’t think to scratch backs or give head rubs because my love language is quality time and his is physical touch, I cook,and I clean and I don’t really care that he plays video games for most of the day because he works hard for us, however he wants me to be more lovey and I need help finding ways to do so please help.
How are ways I can show my love without being touchy
r/AskMen
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My take is that you may need to think about if this is a long term relationship for you. Based upon that very limited information, it sounds like no. If you have to change to make a relationship work, it’s not the right relationship
You are uncomfortable scratching his back sometimes, or you just don’t want to? Doing small things for someone that is neutral for you is a pretty common way of showing love.
Since yours is quality time, how about you suggest a way to find a happy compromise? You’ll scratch his back if he gets off of the computer and watches a show with you or something. Or whatever you’d like to do together that constitutes quality time.
You shouldn’t need to scratch his back while he’s playing video games, if that’s what you’re asking. But there’s a lot of room for give and take here.
Why don’t you ask him? It pertains specifically to him. He would know best over internet strangers. If my girlfriend asked me this I would be happy to answer her. Maybe his form of being lovely is physical touch specifically. If that’s the case, maybe you have to adapt to that and try and be more touchy. If you can’t, then he will have to be okay with not receiving love in that manner.
You either talk and meet half way or you leave, if you care about him then you will compensate knowing what his love language is, if you hate him and want to leave because he feels love and compassion in a different way than leave him. You are only hurting each otherwise
Thinking about your situation, I think you would benefit a lot from marriage counseling. If you are LDS, Catholic, or other conservative similar, I recommend a non religious therapist. It may be expensive for you to think about what you would pay to have a fantastic marriage.
All these people saying to leave are fucking stupid.
Talk to him and find out what he likes or wants. Do it every now and then.
Communicate. It’s that easy. Don’t take the doom and gloom advice these dumb redditors are giving you and ruin your life over something so easily fixed
He also has to understand where you’re coming from. He’s with you and he continues to be so that means something. Still, he has to compromise a bit because he knows your personality.
My wife is similar and I’m similar to your man. I’ve adapted and know she loves me and shows it in her own way and she does sweet things in her own way that I have grown to recognize. It’s easy.
Make him Nachos regularly
To be fair, you’re already showing him that you love him by doing the chores around the house and cooking for him. And honestly, he should appreciate that already. (Speaking as a man)
What I would suggest is using your voice as another way to express your love like giving him compliments about his accomplishments, personality, or just reminding him how much you love and appreciate him through real, heartfelt words. We men really do appreciate it when a woman tells us those things! It wouldn’t hurt to say “I love you,” followed by a kiss (if that counts as touching for you then dont kiss, I’m not sure where your boundary is there).
Another thing I’d suggest is active listening. A lot of us guys don’t feel super comfortable talking about certain stuff, but when we do, it really means a lot if you stop what you’re doing and just listen. Even if he just needs to vent after work, give him your full attention, eye contact, no distractions, and show that you’re genuinely interested in what he’s saying.
Also, giving him personalised or meaningful gifts can go a long way in showing your love. For example, if someone went out of their way to find me a buildable Tirpitz (a WWII warship), I’d honestly feel so seen and appreciated. It’s not about how big or expensive the gift is. It’s the thought behind it that counts.
What you can do is stop being selfish and honor your guy by loving him im the language he is receptive to just as Im sure he does for you… smh Get uncomfortable.
Take a couple 400 Level courses in Trad Wife Responsibilities.
Talk to him and explain that that’s how you appreciate him. He values touch, and when you don’t do it, he may think you don’t like him.
He wants to be loved, more than being loved in one specific way.