Ever since we had our first baby 13 months ago, my wife has become extremely controlling and jealous of my time (family/friends or even just gardening). I try hard to be a good husband (but I try hard in all of my roles etc son, brother, friend, worker etc) but it just seems like it’s never enough and she’s becoming out of control.
Has couples counseling/therapy helped anyone here?
I want to talk to her about us going to therapy or like counseling, but I think it’s just going to piss her off even more and I’m not sure how to approach her.
Has anyone else had luck in this sort of situation?
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Yeah, I’ve been in a similar place. My ex would spiral whenever I made time for anything outside of her—even something like mowing the yard. It started after our kid was born too. Looking back, I think she felt overwhelmed and like she was losing control, so she clamped down harder on whatever she could control—me.
What helped me was starting the therapy myself. No announcements, no debate. Just booked it. After a few sessions, the counselor gave me better tools to bring things up without it sounding like an attack. And when I shared that I was going to therapy, it lowered her defenses a little. She eventually came to a few sessions, but I had to stop hoping she’d be eager about it.
You might not convince her right away. But if you go first, you’re not just sitting in limbo, and she might come around once she sees it’s not some punishment—it’s you trying to fix what’s breaking.
Also—don’t gaslight yourself into thinking you’re the problem just because you’re trying in all your roles and she’s still lashing out. Her being overwhelmed doesn’t give her a free pass to make you walk on eggshells. Therapy or not, it’s okay to want some air.
Mmmm interesting, maybe she doesn’t feel attractive anymore (after the birth)
Therapy should work, going together and separately
Good luck OP, and congratulations on becoming a father
Suggest counselling but pick a time when both of you aren’t slammed with new parent stuff, don’t just drop it on her out the blue.
Women’s moods can be altered by post-partum hormones that can be all over the place for quite a while, throw in the exhaustion of a new born/toddler and things get messy but that said – there has to be a balance in a relationship and both sides have to feel it is balanced, left on its own this might self correct but might not, patterns of behaviour self re-enforce and down that path not good things lie.
She could simply be feeling overrun and trying to express control over the things she feels she can control, make sure you are actually prioritising her and your baby, friends can naturally take a back seat at this stage, so can family, they’ll understand (or they won’t but that’s their problem).
It’s a joint relationship you both have the right to be heard and sometimes that does mean having the hard conversations early.
Ooof sorry to hear this. I think the next time she goes off the deep end, you should bring up that she is getting a bit too comfortable disrespecting you. You should ask her when was the last time that you acted that way towards her. There needs to be a balance and she’s overstepping.
You shouldn’t be afraid to bring up something that may help revive your connection. If she gets mad, then calmly ask her suggestion.
Sounds like she may have a chemical imbalance and you being the closest to her, are catching the fire.
Sorry again. You deserve to be happy and you need to protect that happiness.
Big mistake to have a baby with a person like that. Her behaviour is incredibly controlling and toxic.
This may not be the case in your situation but if a spouse all the sudden becomes jealous and controlling sometimes it’s because they did something wrong and they’re reflecting it onto you