I’m by no means overweight nor am I underweight, I’ve got a fairly thin, lean physique but I’ve been trying to put on muscle and bulk up.
I feel like men’s beauty standards are super high nowadays and being at least somewhat muscular is like the bare minimum considering how almost every gen z man goes to the gym.
I know we always say “girls don’t care about muscles” but idk, pretty much every guy I know who has a gf works out.
I guess I’m just wondering how much of a difference gaining muscle makes when it comes to attracting women?
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It helps a lot, however other things are far more important.
Edit: Just to give one example. I was raised very conservative, my parents are shy and not very confident yet capable and good looking people. I was mistreated by women pretty badly. I was convinced I was ugly, uninteresting and so on. Turns out a lot of the time I was mistreated because I was, well it’s a combination of things from low self esteem to other things but one of the key things was, I was fancied too much. I recently discovered girls have crushes on me, I have a nickname in my uni and quite a few stalk me. I am apparently “dreamy” to some women. Turns out a lot of them think I’m a fuckboy and actually give me attitude, I just thought I was generally disliked. It’s hilarious because I’m 25 nd a virgin. It’s surreal. I gained some confidence and ended up talking to like 5 different women in a single month. Most of them initiated the contact but this time I had the confidence to recognise the signals and initiate something more. I’m far from fit but I’m lean. The thing is I thought I was skinny and weak. I’m still processing all of this, the amount of time spent on worrying and being scared of women. I still am to an extent. Anyway my point is confidence goes a long way. I am still very insecure but literally live in a different reality now, it’s hard to explain. ADDITIONALLY, I am genuinely nice (though I have a lot of issues), I’m interested in people I meet and am not up for shallow relationships. I noticed this really helps after you break the ice and you go on a few dates. Like a lot.
I am not typing this to brag. I hope you can find something useful in this. I too thought I’d have to spend at least a year in the gym to even consider dating. I am not giving any definite answers because I am still processing all of this and learning. Confidence and honesty, seeing the other person, that seems to go a long way apparently. Who would have thought, they want same things we do… The Internet had twisted my view of women for a long ass time apparently..
Sorry for over sharing, this is just all news to me and from what I can tell a lot of interesting, good looking and good men are single because they don’t put themselves out there because they believe noone will like them and I am starting to see it’s not true, I think at least.
I get more attention during my summer, cutting phase. Every time.
Muscle doesn’t matter I don’t think. I do the lifting for me.
The lean part does matter, though.
Big difference. It signals active life style and investment in self care.
VERY, VERRY IMPORTANT
I didn’t do too bad myself when I was skinny like an HSer (in terms of attraction).
But after putting on like 30-40 lbs of muscles (far from meat head) I can say, a LOT.
People who say girls aren’t attracted to it are full of shit.
Edit: I wanted to clarify, If you have “some muscles + leanness” that is what I find most women find attractive vs the meathead look. There is diminishing returns once you get to a certain point.
I think it will definitely help. It will also make you more confident.
The better your fitness, the more options you have. It’s that simple.
That depends a lot on the shape you’re in
Anyone who says women don’t care about muscles are huffing copium big time. Being in shape and generally looking like you take care of yourself matters a ton. Clean teeth, zero bad breath, fitting clean clothes, good facial skin care, athletic appearance all gud stuff.
Think about what you like in women, athletic appearance and cleanliness is what you will notice most of all when you think about it. Though thats not everyone ofc
Yes, it’s absolutely critical. It’s hard enough for the average man to get any attention from women. Ever since I got in shape, my dating life has improved significantly.
If my wife did not have an hot ass i wouldn’t even looked at her, end of the story.
Dont worry about what other guys are doing. Being muscular is not a requirement for having a gf. Confidence is more important.
Shouldn’t even be thinking about it in terms of dating, your life will objectively be better, the better shape that you are in.
It’ll make it easier to get your foot in the door with first dates and casual conversations, but your personality will have to take it from there.
Doing anything for a ‘woman’s attraction’ is misguided. Do whatever it is u want for urself and urself only. Side note: having money/prospects and a reasonably sized cock helps out as well.
I’d say more than women will admit to. This is because women don’t often know just how much hard work it takes to look good for most guys.
I’ve heard people say Henry Cavill’s body as Superman is a dad bod. Yes. Fucking Superman has a dad bod, apparently.
So when they say they like a guy with a bit of fat, they’re actually saying they like a fucking jacked guy with 15% body fat.
After a certain point I get a lot more attention from dudes than women.
It helps looking good obviously, but most women would be happy with a bit of muscle and abs they don’t need you to be Chris Bumsted or Jeff Seid or even Henry Cavil.
When it comes to dating and doing a good first impression how you look is all that matters.
I wouldn’t say “men’s beauty standards are super high nowadays.” It’s just common sense: the better you look, the more people you will attract. I know everybody’s got their own tastes and blah blah blah, but the majority of the population is attracted to people in good shape.
I wouldn’t say “men’s beauty standards are super high” so much as I say they’re higher than the ridiculously low bar they used to be, and still light years behind beauty standards for women.
Again – I’m attracted to women who are in shape. I imagine many women feel the same way about men. It’s just common sense.
Think about it like this:
Get on Zillow and look for a house. There are some great “fixer-uppers” on there that are in a good area and, with a little work, could be a great little home. And some people can see the vision and appreciate those older, less attractive houses. But the house that’s move-in ready with updated appliances and a modern look is just generally more appealing to most people. That’s why houses get staged: to look their most appealing. Dating is kinda like that.
I think in order of important things, being in shape is in the middle. Things like having a good personality, and decent job are more important.
A bit. I’ve been slowly losing weight in the last few years and ive been seeing more interest from women to me.
In fact, there is one woman who I’ve been friendly aqautinces for years now, even point out my weight loss progress. Telling me I’m looking good and she’s seems to have become quite flirty with me since I’ve lost weight. Last time I bumped into her. She was very touchy when talking to me and saying stuff like “oooo there he is” in a flirty tone of voice. Thinking i might shoot my shot with her next time I see her.
If you are a man wanting to know how important it is for women that the man is in shape, it will be better to check r/askwomennocensor. This question is surely done there. So, you will get your answer without waiting for people to comment anew.
Also, do not do it for just being in the dating game. Do it because your body needs it and you have only the one body.
Anecdotal, but…
Ive been a gym rat, on and off, my whole life. I typically have 5 or 6 years of consistency where I get in really good physical shape. Then, something happens in life and I get sidetracked and skip 4 or 5 years. When that happens I get very out of shape and fat.
When im in shape women hit on me.
When I get out of shape, they stop.
It definitely makes a difference in 1st impressions.
In my personal experience, it’s not so much about the muscles as it is the effort. Women can easily tell when someone takes care of themselves, and I personally believe that is what a lot of them care about most. If a man is willing to take time to take care of his body, it’s a sign of dedication and focus. They are qualities that women, who are searching for long term commitment, are looking for.
You’re asking men this question?
Anyways, I would say it’s more important to have good hygiene, well kept clothes and don’t have stink breathe.
As for being in shape, I think not being overweight is more important. Stay below a certain bmi target. And don’t forget to remain active.
No woman wants a guy who’s weak and if you’re not bulky strong better be fast or lean or something.
Be anything other than “Skinny-Normal”
When I was dating I found that it matters, but not as much as we are led to believe. I found that weight matters far more than muscle. Too skinny or too fat and your options are greatly reduced.
I know because I started off heavy and lost weight (a bit too much), then gained a little back. I have personally experienced how much the dating pools grows and shrinks as a result. There seems to be a sweet spot weight wise.
Muscle was a very mixed bag. I started adding that on after getting to a good weight and found it didn’t make much difference.
The things that made a bigger difference than weight: being emotionally available, knowing what I want and need and not settling (which also causes you to have a more confident and established energy, which women pick up on), having a healthy and caring relationship with myself and my emotions, knowing how to be vulnerable, having good boundaries, being able to have mature conversations around disagreements and conflict, holding space for difficult feelings and even confrontation without getting defensive or otherwise letting me ego run the show, knowing how to repair after rupture, knowing when someone isn’t right for you and moving on quickly, etc.
Believe me, that work can be more difficult than hitting the gym, but the rewards are more than worth it.
It will definitely give a lot more attention from women but you won’t get a girlfriend out of it, some one night stands maybe
You can’t outlift a boring personality. I learned that one from experience.
It enables good dating life 5 years earlier
Of course all women will fall on a spectrum. That said, IMO the women I’ve observed in my life (in general) care less about a guy being “jacked” than other important traits like confidence level, life goals, health, cleanliness, how you treat them, financial security etc. Noting that “health” is not exactly synonymous with muscles.
It will improve your chances…it will at least get you some elevated success on the front end…but every man and his brother are in shape so that alone isn’t gonna be enough. I remember a couple years back a woman I managed set up her dating profile and I was scrolling through her likes…it was an eye opener, like Jesus is every guy in the gym
Personality and social skills are more important. I have been on both ends skinny AF and fat AF. It was never an issue. I’m a bit overweight and in a relationship so yeah personality does a lot of the heavy lifting.
Honestly it matters significantly. While I have been out of the dating world for a few years now, I remember distinctly when I was thinner it was easy for me to get numbers and go on first dates. When I was overweight, forget it. Now that I am in good shape (but not the best compared to my early 20s) I notice women paying more attention to me, compared to when I was overweight a few years ago.
when women say they don’t like muscles, they probably have a mental image of arnold Schwarzenegger during his show-muscle days.
athletic muscles, however, are incredibly desired. Think chiseled swimmer build. this is what they mean when they say “average” or “lean”. who know why.
avoid aiming for the bulky for-show muscles, as most don’t like those huge muscles.
Obviously it’s going to help.
But also it depends on who you are trying to attract. I’m not a gym person. I’m active and take care of myself mostly by hobbies and that’s who I’m looking to attract. I want an active person who wants to kayak, hike, bike etc. So I think if you are looking for a SO who looks like they love the gym then that’s most likely what they expect. Of course there’s exceptions but I feel like in my experience this is the rule.
How important is having nice clothes? A nice personality?
Are you going to work out just to attract a date, no other reason?
The people who want bodies like that, what else do you think they value they may misalign with what you feel you want?
It matters and it irritates me when I see people say it doesn’t. I speak to plenty of women and homo men and there’s usually a common thread in who they find attractive. I’ve seen men whose faces are pretty average but they have physiques that boost their attractiveness. Yes, personality and intelligence matter a lot, but looks will give you an easier chance at even getting in the door.
I personally work out for myself and don’t go hard on aesthetics bc I just don’t care lol.
Critical. Being in shape can override so many other things. Forget what Reddit or internet tells you: money is #1. Attractiveness is #2. Being fit is part of that one.
But money is the overwhelming, shamefully, quality in another person that makes one dateable. Wish it wasn’t that way, but it’s known. It’s not new, it’s just super-charged the last few years as materialism has now taken over all else.
Be fit. Don’t be not fit. But, if that fails, be rich. If that also fails, end.
If you do mind exclusively getting dates with beached whales or trolls best suited for a life under a bridge, then yes, it’s very important.
If I just described your dream lass, you’ve got nothing to worry about.
Pretty important if you’re gonna date hots.
It varies a lot. However I will say that you need to keep in at least a baseline of good shape if you want to keep your libido up and can last a long time in certain positions.
It also keeps your brain healthier which has a lot of other relationship benefits.
I will say the most important thing is work with what you have and stop comparing yourself to others. There will always be someone stronger and more handsome, and chasing trends is never good either. If you let any of that destroy your confidence and effort, that’s when your attractiveness tanks.
Women do not like to admit it but it matters a lot. My physique has changed a lot in the last 3 Months and it is night and day.
Lean is in. The muscles, not gonna lie, are for my well being. Love the 💪 pump.
The actual answer is this: if a girl doesn’t like you to begin with, she’s not going to suddenly start liking you if you have muscles. However; if she already likes you, she will in fact like you more if you were fit/in shape.
They won’t admit this, it’s not socially acceptable for women to admit they like sex or bodies apparently.
Loosing weigh, adding muscle, being fit is almost never ever a bad thing and you have absolutely nothing to loose by doing it but much to gain if you do.
Helps with making the sex good her end. Since sex is a defining moment for most people dating I’d say it helps when “sealing the deal”.
Aesthetically speaking, Ive gotten attention for my abs. But that only allowed me to “pick” a girl I thought was dateable. Most girls that are into muscles seem to be less of the comment type.
Get fit for you, your confidence will do the rest.
Everything helps, and muscles are part of the equation. It makes a bigger difference the older you get. It doesn’t have to be anything extreme, but if it’s obvious you work out and you wear clothes that accentuate that, you will receive positive feedback. Of course, you still need to put in the legwork for it to be maximally effective.
We don’t say girls don’t care about muscles in real life. Any dude that’s ever built them knows this is false. It’s just that you can’t build them, then sit back and expect them to do all the work for you. Only an extremely attractive face makes things that easy.
Different strokes for different folks.
I think physical fitness is underrated. You ever hear about how most women find 80% of men unattractive? Guess what the percentage is of men who would be considered “overweight” by BAH in the US.
Looks opens doors, but personality keeps you in the room.
It sucks, but being at least reasonably fit is a big thing. It’s a lot harder to open the door without being at least a little attractive by some standard.
Being in shape makes sex 300% more enjoyable for everyone involved. Not even about physical appearance- Imagine getting tuckered after only 5 minutes, or just a few pumps, ladies and gents both.
That whole ‘women don’t like muscles’ thing is mainly propaganda trying to make men more effeminate. It’s total bullshit.
The reason some women are intimidated by men that are in good shape physically is because it makes them more insecure if they aren’t. It’s a fact.
Women tend to evaluate the bigger picture with men than what men do towards women.
This usually means less emphasis on physical appearance alone.
Women will consider things like kindness, humour, safety, height, how good a provider you are etc.
Not being in perfect shape can be offset if you are higher in these other areas.
Nothing beats self confidence, empathy, and courage.
More plates more dates…. Always been true always will be
Looks get you in the door, personality keeps you there.
Being in shape definitely doesn’t hurt, but it’s not going to make a hottie fall into your lap either
You have to think of evolution and genetics, a woman wants a man who is a suitable partner, a protector, and can provide children for her.
They want someone naturally and are attracted to men with wider shoulders, bigger forearms, and are confident in themselves.
I’m 5’11 and 225lbs, no six pack but I’m way above average in terms of lifting and fitness. Every woman I’ve been with has always said things like “Oh my gosh you’re so much bigger than me and make me feel so protected” or they put their hand or arm next to mine to compare size.
As a female, I’ll tell you what catches the eye every time. Enough musculature on a man’s back that he has, I call it, a dip in his back between the muscles. And a six pack or at the very least a flat belly.
But seeing a strong back on a man just sets orf the lust… Feeling that “dip” in his back, the musculature during a hug. Oh baby!
Yes minimal musculature which is fairly easy to gain at home or in a gym for men. I’m a female and can gain enough muscle in a few days of lifting that I can tell the difference between lifting/carrying something after just a few sessions.
I’m not talking being over bulked, steroided up – most women find that eww – I’m talking we can tell a guy takes care of his body, hits the gym or lifts at home. Does some situps. Arm definition.
Unless you’re a total slob, decent looks/bod and a great sense of humor will get you laid. BTDT.
I went to the mall the other day and saw so many out of shape men with average faces with absolute babes that are 9’s and 10’s.
I am a lady. I know this is ask men. But I think I have valuable input. What women do care about is that you love yourself and are secure with yourself. I think being fit is a great way physically signal self love. For me discipline is the most sincere form of that. You show up every day for yourself so to me that shows you’re capable of showing up for someone else. You’re not someone who gives up easily. I cannot speak for all women, but for me and a lot of the women I know that’s what it’s about. So it’s not really about the aesthetics of the big muscles necessarily. Although I do think about sinking my teeth into a juicy delt from time to time.
I’m fat now and I can tell you I got 100x more attention when I was a healthy weight and in shape. Married now so not an issue but yea it’s very important.
I’m not saying be a fat slob and it’ll all work out, but every happily married guy I know in his 30s and 40s is some shade of average, not ripped.
More than women admit, less that gym men would like.
Massive. BUT if you’re out of shape and find someone, chances are higher (IME) that they stick around through the harder times.
It helps- we’re going to notice you more if you’re in shape. Taking care of yourself is important. When we say that we don’t care about muscles- it’s that you don’t need to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime. I want my man to be able to lift me up/toss me around in the bedroom. But if you have a shit personality and no confidence- you’re not going to keep a woman around for long.
It’s a playing field.
You want to be better than your fellow man.
You do what it takes to be better than your fellow man.
Use all your tools.
I watched a Dr. Mike video that goes over some studies done on attraction. The bald Dr Mike. Turns out women like men that weigh more than them and that have a v shaped body structure. Basically if your upper body is wider than you hips. Women don’t really know what they are subconsciously attracted to so they just look at the muscles themselves and not what the muscles does to your frame. So yes studies clearly show having big upper body muscles is important to being attractive. It doesn’t necessarily have to be anything crazy which is why I think some women think they don’t care. They clearly care if you have little muscle but you don’t need to be a body builder. Also having some layer of fat probably won’t hurt too much but if it’s alot then yeah not attractive.
A lot of times the gym type bod just feels good to ourselves thus guys develop self-confidence. Some women are attracted to athletic types. Most will admit they’re attracted to funny or confident guys. Get the gym bod and gain self-confidence. If you still have a hard time talking to women, take an improv course or dance class. The dancing will have women asking you to dance. The improv course will just teach you how to break down your own barriers regarding talking in general. These are cheat codes for the non 10s. 10s really don’t need much help.
Look at couples. Guys with the best looking women aren’t necessarily in the best shape. What they do have in common is confidence
If gaining muscle is your means to have more confidence, then perfect. (But, it’s not the muscles, it’s the confidence that’s attractive.)
A guy with a dad bod and tons of confidence will do much better with women than a sad sack with muscles.
Step 1) be attractive
Step 2) don’t be unattractive
So if you aren’t all that attractive, you better be in shape
You are you and you should seek a person who wants to date who you are as you are. Yes gaining muscle would expand your dating pool, but I don’t think the expansion would include good women. A woman who doesn’t like you but does the 10lbs of muscle you add is superficial and likely not a good long term partner. If you are just looking for increased hook ups for the short term then its fine.
I 23m have never once been to a gym. That being said I keep a healthy physique. Almost no visible body fat. Eat healthy. It’s not all about how you look. It’s the look that lets people know that you have a strong discipline and that your on top of your game. Don’t stress it too much just don’t expect to be 250 IBS and pulling dimes.
You never need to listen to what people say- people lie, even to themselves. Watch what they do.
Get off IG. I see plenty of rail thin or slightly chubby dudes dating very attractive women.
If you have a lean think physique then you are in shape.
Some girls are more attracted to bulkier, more muscular guys.
Plenty of girls are more attracted to a leaner build.
It’s exactly the same way as it is for guys.
Some guys like a curvy body on a woman, some like thin, some like muscular. All of these are healthy and in shape and that’s the important thing really. A healthy body looks good whether its bulky or not.
Woman here 👋 Just as it is with men’s preferences for women’s bodies, I think it depends woman to woman, and maybe also on where you live. I genuinely am not interested in bulky Henry Cavill type men who train for vanity. I also think many women are well aware that this is a very unrealistic and unhealthy beauty standard. It’s like expecting girls to have a tiny flat tummy but a huge ass. It just doesn’t work like that, especially if you have a life. Who can (or wants to) spend 10 hours a day in the gym?
What does affect whether I’m attracted to a guy is a minimal amount of self care. Someone who never works out, and who only eats trash probably wouldn’t turn me on. It’s nice when a guy can pick me up effortlessly, and it’s nice when they know how to prepare a decent meal, you know?
Honestly, I’d say: don’t worry about it. Those girls who desperately want you to look like Superman are a bullet dodged.
sigh… sorry I’m a woman and I shouldn’t be commenting here but it’s at least nice to know that we’re all truly living the same life… on paper I’m a catch but I don’t actively date because I feel like I need to look like an only fans girl or get fillers and surgery and be skinny not curvy. (Not fishing for compliments just giving a vulnerable example to you OP)
I just really hate what beauty standards do to all of us including men too. And we all do it to each other too, sometimes it’s subtle in our daily lives (upholding beauty standards.)
I don’t know what to say to you OP because this is a man’s sub and everyone else here can give you better advice than I can. Hang in there 🩷
For me personally, of course attraction is important but I don’t look a muscles, I look at someone’s heart, their character and how they treat themselves. I’m also 36 LOL so I’m in a different stage in life I guess. I notice muscles in the “oh cool, he has a hobby and likes to take care of himself/have a routine” sort of way, or “he had discipline.”
Way more important than most people want to admit.
I’m not fat or thin. Haven’t date for 6 years. Like I don’t exist for women. Maybe in US women look at phisicue but I’ve hear only men like muscular men lol
Quite important.
>I feel like men’s beauty standards are super high nowadays and being at least somewhat muscular is like the bare minimum considering how almost every gen z man goes to the gym.
You are entirely correct. The gym craze that started in the late 00s caused major inflation when it comes to body standards. Nowadays being a normal weight man is already considered subpar (“skinnyfat”) by most. Not going to the gym (and having at least some results) is a huge competitive disadvantage.
One thing to realize is that gaining muscle is one of the very few men to noticably increase their attractiveness because almost all other aspects of male beauty are genetic, e.g. height, hair, jawline, voice pitch, penis size and so on. There’s a reason “the gym” has become a religion for men in the last 10 to 15 years, even affecting teenage boys. Not to mention rampant steroid usage. Also, it’s no coincidence that the gym craze correlates almost perfectly with the popularity of social media and dating apps.
>I know we always say “girls don’t care about muscles” but idk, pretty much every guy I know who has a gf works out. I guess I’m just wondering how much of a difference gaining muscle makes when it comes to attracting women?
It does make an impact and most women who “don’t like muscle” are lying/virtue signalling because they they like to paint themselves as the non-shallow gender. Also, most women who say this refer to extremely veiny, dry and/or bulky men who are like 0,001% of the population and heavily (ab)use steroids. Lean, natural muscle? Virtually all women like it.
Extremely important
From hearing my Gen Z nieces talk about guys they find cute, muscle definitely doesn’t hurt with that demographic. Depends on the right amount though, the definition, and of course the woman herself. One swoons over abs and cut guys. The other finds abs repulsive but still wants a fit guy with a moderate amount of definition.
Overall though, it seems to help more with the initial impression and less over time. Personality matters more.
It’s important to not be out of shape.
It’s important to be strong, to have endurance. To not be depressed, have brain fog and be lethargic.
It’s not important to be muscular- some girls are into that and only that, but you don’t have to worry about them. More girls will be intimidated and apprehensive when they meet you, than the percentage that don’t date anyone without a 6-pack. (Especially once you’re an adult.
Another note on men whose personality is being fit – just today I found out women think that’s goofy and feminine. Self obsession is an inside joke and even women that appreciate a good thirst trap see it as more feminine than a regular dude that’s chill and is more laid back.
Now – big note: dating and “attracting women” are different things. Most gen z kids that optimise for attraction are actually doing it to avoid being proactive, to mitigate women’s, especially young women’s anxiety. They do it to not have to make the first move and to not be left hanging. If that’s you, yes it helps, but honestly it doesn’t change the fact that you will need to be the one that initiates, pursues, does backward flips to reassure the anxiousness of young women.
Never had an issue dating. I’m not a small guy by any stretch.
However, I’m funny and can hold a conversation.
It’s not entirely necessary. Some like dad bods, some want dudes that are jacked. If you’re looking to put on muscles definitely work on your arms and legs. But a six-pack isn’t a requirement or necessary unless you just want to have one.
It depends on who you are trying to attract. Any woman who spends time working on her body is going to expect the same out of her partner. If you’re a frumpy looking dude then you’re mostly limited to frumpy looking women. If you want a girl with a fit perfect bod then you’re gonna need to build one yourself. There needs to be mutual dynamics such as this for the relationship to work and be equal.
All I’ll say is I’ve had a lot better time since I gained 20lbs of muscle
It definitely will open a lot more doors for you. Think of it this way, if you put a T-shirt on, which part of your body sticks out more? Is it your chest or your stomach? Subconsciously girls will gravitate towards the former.
Get in shape for you, so you are a much more fun and less achey 40 year old.
Play the long game.
It’s been a while since I was in the dating scene, but as someone who is generally pretty shy/quiet, being in good shape in my 20s made it extremely easy to meet women. I worked out 7 days a week religiously, maintained a strict diet at the time and had the type of body you’d see in magazine. Almost all of the women I met approached me first. It also helped my confidence enough that I was able to approach a woman on rare occasions myself. Big caveat to this is I was in my mid 20s and going out to a lot of bars/clubs/etc. – places where a lot of single women would be.
Actually been thinking very seriously about getting back into shape for that reason. Got out of a 12 year relationship and have been single for three years now. Haven’t casually dated in a good 15 years and need all the help I can get. I’d imagine it’ll still require a good deal of effort though as I don’t hang out in those types of scenes anymore and women my age are looking for more serious things than six pack abs and ripped muscles.
That aside, it’d help with my overall energy levels and my confidence, both of which can go a long way in meeting somebody. I’ve lost most of the muscle mass and am on the thin side now, but I’m always tired generally like to spend my evenings alone, relaxing. I’ll probably resign myself to dying alone if I don’t change up my lifestyle soon.
In my experience (and that’s all it is) women have cared that you put some effort into your appearance tangentially because it shows you you have your act together and can stick to a course.
Did I get more interest from women at 185 than 260 – yep, no denying the reality on that one.
It’s why I put the effort into getting back to 185.
Do I prefer women who put the same effort into their appearance, also yep – it’s not a double standard if it goes both ways.
No woman has ever commented on my muscles directly though, they have liked that I look decent in a suit (including my missus).
I’m not overtly muscular, 185 at 6’1 and a cyclist means I’m lean not big.
This belief that you have to have a physique like Thor needs to die, I’m sure some women actively seek that but again in my experience most don’t – they really just want a partner who gets them, isnt going to hurt them and can make them laugh/happy.
It’s extremely important in my opinion.
In my 20’s I worked out everyday and people thought I was on steroids (never), I always had attention from women.
Now I’m 35 and I’m skinny and soft from not working out in like 8 years, dating is much harder, like zero matches in weeks on apps and not much for looks in person. Working on turning it around.
Basically women are attracted by everything that is superficial.
Askwomennocensor is pretty clear on this. Almost none of the comments on there say they want a bulked up guy. Even the ones who say they like guys who are in shape say they like swimmer or runner type bodies instead of body builder bodies. Nobody wants a fat slob but most of them say dad bods are what they like. Even then, like 98% say they think that is only a small part of what they are looking for and you can tell by the tone of the responses that they get tired of answering the same question.
Confidence without cockiness, empathy, emotional intelligence, an intelligent sense of humor and a certain amount of focus on the future are all more important for most women.
My anecdotal experience is its far more important than most people online pretend it is. Especially women. Women will tell you it isnt that important, but it is.
I got way more attention from women when I was going to the gym and building muscle. There definitely is diminishing returns at a certain point, but most men will never get enough muscle to make that point matter.
Most men would benefit (read: attract more women) if they go to the gym a couple times a week. Just enough lean muscle to be noticeable will go a long way. No need for steroids or a million dollar gym program. Just eat relatively healthy, get your proteins, and lift heavy things a couple times a week.
Some people say its just confidence, but its definitely the body too. The confidence the body gives you is a bonus, but a lean, fit, body definitely does wonders in attracting female attention.
Do some cardio. It was a little embarrassing that I was breathing like I ran a 10k after 5 minutes of fuckin. She didn’t say anything but she had to notice lol
For men, unless you’re a 10/10 god, it really only gets you in the door. Then who you are carries the weight in how the relationship progresses.
Its also geographical and cultural. When I was in the south, more dudes could get away with being chubby and musck3 was proffered. Now in the NE, the focus is on lean men, where muscle is nice but definitely not being fat is way more important.
Just regularly work out w/ cardio and weight training 5 days a week. People can tell, and it makes a difference in how you look naked.
You never need to be bulky, you just need those first two years of growth. After that, being lean will reap more rewards.
In my experience, having a healthy and fit physique can boost confidence, but its not a make-or-break factor in attracting women.
Depends on the girls, much like guys we like different body types,
For me myself, overly muscular dudes are kinda gross to me and creep me out, to many veins, one paper cut and he goneee,
It’s just not for me,
Besides that I like most body types,
I do prefer a little in shape since I do a lot of stuff
I’ve always been overweight, but never obese. Never seemed to stop me, had plenty of fun in my young-mid 20s and now dating an amazing girl who I’m gonna marry
Depends on who you’re trying to date I guess
I think style is more important. You can have whatever body and still rock complimenting clothes. You can be jacked af and dress like insert a memory of the last complete jackass you have met
For me it’s equally as important as having a good personality
If you go to the gym you’ll feel more confident around women, whether it changes your physique or not.
Well if your not gay you’re lucky because majority of women don’t like to muscular and to masculine. But yes the opposite is also bad. Especially with other mixed feminine traits.
Have you seen the average man?
(I’m also talking about gen z lol)
Being thin (maybe not sickly thin) or half in shape definitely gives you an advantage.
Generally being in shape is just a great thing lol.
Muscles don’t matter at all, as long as you have them
It shows you take care of yourself…and have higher standards.
There is a notion that there is “someone for everyone” I get the sentiment but I don’t subscribe to that belief.
I will say that while there might be someone for everyone that doesn’t mean your chances don’t increase or decrease depending on your fitness level
Tldr: it’s important not only for dating but for your general health
Girls don’t care about the 6 pack showing if you have a little padding, but they want to feel a strong man. Someone who can pick them up with little effort, someone who can handle groceries and heavy duty chores.
They want to feel protected in your big arm.
Don’t try to be He man, but be in shape enough you don’t have a belly is a big step up in the dating scene.
Maybe 2/10 importance.
Dad bod, 5’7 and only making 60k but dating was easy af. After a h0e phase in 2024 I’ve been with my new girlfriend for 10 months now.
I went from 280 to 180 awhile ago. Lifted for years and during that weight loss so I was muscular.
This all happened at bars:
I could feel girls staring at me wanting me to talk to them. They bought ME drinks. I’m still at a net positive at that. They’d pull me in to make out.
Had a girl 5 years older damn near give me a otphj at the bar.
Had a 40 y/o walk away from her husband to pursue me.
They don’t care about big muscles. They love a good physique. They go feral for the right aesthetic.
Maybe when you’re 21. Once you hit 30, women just want to settle down with a teddy bear with a house and a car.
To me, it’s ridiculously important, but I’m also a personal trainer who has a full-time job as a soccer/football referee. I don’t care if people don’t train or not like friends and family that’s up to them but if I date that girl, I want her to enjoy going for hikes working out with me and that kind of stuff. I also know how good and healthy it is to work out so you know.