My husband and i both work pretty demanding jobs. He is an engineer and i am in the military. we have 2 toddlers boys and we both want more kids. I just have a hard time seeing logistically how to comfortably raise my kids how i want to with my career and lifestyle. I have been thinking about giving it all up and being a SAHM. I want a little farm/homestead and to just be a mom. We have chickens already and i want some goats and mini cows with a massive garden. I want to support my husband in his career aspirations. I just want to be the submissive nurturer to my husband and really really raise my kids… me leaving my career will be a hit to the household financially but i think we could make it work. My husband doesnt do well with change so he is hesitant to the idea. I want to ask men maybe who have experienced both, or maybe just have some perspective what do you think? Would u rather have the income/benefits? Or a SAHM for your kids and a housewife to you?
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Sahm
Sahm
I just want someone to love me
Sahm- not even close
If I had to pick one SAHM but my expectations of her would change if she was driven/high earning.
High earning wife. Then we can both retire early and enjoy life. Or I can be the SAHD. I am tired of working.
Follow your instincts, mom! My wife was a mechanical engineer with a skyrocketing career arc, and she left it all to be a SAHM for our two kids. We’re happier and more fulfilled than we could have ever imagined. You only get this chance once, and your kids deserve it.
SAHM
Definitely at home. You can go part time so it’s not that big of a dent financially. However, if you can focus on making his job that much easier, he will be a big fan of this decision. Explain to him how you being at home will make his life easier. Whatever you offer, STICK TO YOUR WORD. Otherwise he will grow to resent you.
Higher income wife. We could have nannies and cleaners to fill in the gaps if she earned enough.
I wouldn’t want to be a SAHD, though. Rather the primary parent.
Career focused wife. Mo’ money, passions fulfilled, etc…
Why not both, both change your careers and work part time taking turns working and parenting
SAHM
Submissive nurturer? Yuck.
Makes your husband submissive as well. A big ‘ol man baby.
Real men want partners who are their equals. THAT is what brings out the best in men, not having some submissive nurturer wiping their ass for them.
And then your kids grow up and model the behavior displayed by their parents.
Yuck.
Career driven, high earning wife.
My wife makes a nice, high, 6 figure salary + benefits/stocks/ etc and we think that we are raising our kids well with good values.
Of course it’s tricky sometimes with the agenda’s and i took a step back in my international travels (used to travel 80% of the time in several continents)
Grass looks greener on the other side.
Edit: you will have many many opinions about this. So yeah…
Good luck!!!
Definitely the former.
I think a SAHM is very beneficial to children, at least until they are around 11 or 12 years old. Then it’s not as important, but those early development years it’s important for a child to see their mother as much as possible. It’s important to see their father too, but not as much. I couldn’t do it now, but I hope someday to have a career that I could allow my wife to leave work and live the same way you just described
SAHM. No contest. And I say this as a 34 year old man in engineering, that’s also looking to buy land and make a homestead. My wife and I grow a huge garden in our suburban back yard, and keep chickens. But I want real land. I want a 1 acre garden. My wife wants to stay home and have children, raise them and tend to the homestead. And I want that for her, myself, and my future kids. More than I can express.
Doesn’t matter to me. Right now I’m the high earner and she’s the SAHM. If she were capable of a high earning career we could just flip the roles. Having someone to maintain the home and raise our child is important. We don’t really need a dual income situation.
Personally I prefer it the way it currently is because I’ve spent my career training to be an engineer, and she’s spent her life as a homemaker. It would be tough on both of us to completely regear our brains/habits.
I want a wife who is living a full, satisfying life that makes her happy. We couldn’t afford to live on one paycheck right now but if we ever can if she wants to stop working that would be fine by me.
Career driven high income, this ain’t the 50s anymore, maybe I could be the stay at home dad
I have experienced both. Life is definitely more hectic with the two of us now earning, but we have a lot more money to offset the stuff we need to do outside of work. Hiring a cleaner, food prep, etc…
On the contrary there was a lot more stress involved with being the sole provider for me personally.
I think both situations have the pros and cons. Only you guys can decide what’s best for you both.
I think it depends on finances. In my case we have the money that either of us could be stay at home if we wanted.
If finances were tight then I think we would both have to pitch in.
My wife somewhat recently left the corporate world to work for a charity/volunteer part time. While we had to make a few adjustments financially, it’s the happiest i’ve ever seen her. Also to be honest, it makes me pretty proud to know that i was able to “retire” her so to speak.
The biggest mistake people make when considering this decision is underestimating the financial impact of losing the wife’s income. You should sit down and look at the numbers and be sure you can afford it. List the money you have coming in from your husband’s (take home) salary on one side of the paper, and list all your expenses on the other side of the paper. Don’t leave out retirement planning, saving for college, and setting aside money for emergencies and car replacement. If you’re going to move, consider the mortgage on the new place and factor in today’s interest rates versus when you bought your current home. Don’t trim all the numbers and hope for the best. Be realistic.
Secondly, I speak as someone who has been a part-time rancher for the last 15 years or more. Farming does not make money. It costs money. If you really work hard and find a way to sell baby chickens, goats and cows, you might break even from time to time. But usually not. Fences, gates, feed, equipment, water, power, tools all cost money are not cheap any more. It also seems easy and idyllic, but it’s usually a lot of work all the time. You will probably get sick of it after a while, especially after your kids are grown. By the way, I have a ranch for sale if you’re interested.
Lastly, I’ll say something positive. Being a SAHM is a wonderful blessing to your children and will help you feel closer to them. I hope I haven’t been too pessimistic and you can work this out.
I am extremely against the idea of “stay at home moms”.
SAHM every day. If she earns real well I’ll be the SAHD instead.
> submissive nurturer
I hope you’re not raising the kids with this sort of brain rot lingo and ideas. No person should be submissive to another person outside the armed forces or kinky sex.
I personally am not interested in such a relationship, some men are. Imo it compromises the long term security of the family, should your husband have an accident or any of you have an expensive or long term debilitating illness, how would you support yourself and find a job after many years of being out of the workforce? Two incomes means capacity for savings but also a reliable source of income in case of accidents, and ability to weather unpredictable things like job loss.
Also on a personal level I could not respect a woman that willingly puts herself beneath me. I come from a culture and upbringing where women are strong willed, and relationships are a partnership, not a dictatorship. Yeah, traditional roles are prevalent, women tend to work less hours and take care of the kids and the house more, men tend to work more and be a bit absent. But only until the kids go to school, then both share responsibilities around kids and both work.
SAHM
Probably high earning because it means having an easier, more secure life. But in truth, it’s whatever kind of life she prefers.
My wife quit working when she got pregnant. She raised the kids (three girls) and homeschooled them. I’m a CPA and was/am the provider. It worked perfectly for us. The children avoided the drugs/sex/other problems that we faced in public high schools. They all have college degrees. Two are married and we have one grandchild so far. Wife and I are best friends.
I work from home and don’t have the biggest place. Have a stay at home spouse while doing wfh would be a weird vibe for me.
Personally, I far more enjoy a woman that has lofty goals and is passionate about her career. I got to be honest, I’ve always viewed SAHM’s as having accepted mediocre lives.
SAHM… my wife is what you describe. Nurturer, stays at home with the kid, helps me see thru to my goals. It works for us.
I want a woman can do what she prefers. If she wants to be a SAHM, I hope I can make enough to allow her to do it.
Whatever works best.
High earner – more money, less time.
SAHM – more time, less money.
The most important thing is making time for one another. Of course, it irks me at times that my wife has to work and do the school runs, clubs etc. while I’m often at work; but knowing she can “escape” and have her own identity outside of the family life is important.
We can’t know the dynamics of your relationship, but everything comes at a cost.
Neither of my parents worked when I was a kid and it was horrible.
Half of the stuff that went on probably wouldn’t have because there’d have been more money and you can’t be up arguing every night until 3-4am when you’ve got to get up to get to work.
SAHM, which I have. I don’t see the value in the household working even more hours for the man, having even more of our labor exploited for their profit. But if my wife was driven and ambitious and all that I could totally see us tackling a lot of projects, starting a business, having an impact in the community or something.
My wife is a SAHM and was a successful, well regarded teacher in her career previously. When she became pregnant she said she wanted to stay at home with it cos because that’s what she wanted and thought it best. I supported her and continue to support her. She’s doing a great job with the kids and I’m just about making enough that money isn’t too much of an issue. It wouldn’t be my place to tell her what to do but I certainly had a place at the table and it was a decision she wanted my input in.
SAHM unless you’re bringing in a very solid 6 figure income.
Kinda a win-win and a lucky problem to have.
You have to weigh the options financially. Does the cost of childcare outweigh your income? That’s an easy choice. If you make significantly more money, then it becomes harder. What happens once the kids are past the toddler stage and in school? Will you go back to work then and send the kids to after school care?
My wife and I decided to have her stay home because her earning potential made since; ie her income was the cost of childcare. They boys are now both in school so she went back to work about 3 years ago. After a couple of well deserved promotions, she makes as much as me and will most likely surpass me in the next couple of years when you factor in my yearly bonus.
While she was taking on the SAHM role, she was super active with the kids. Going to different parks, science museums, story book readings, etc. she always had a home cooked meal ready and kept the house clean too. Just my two cents, but it’s a full time job and arguably harder than say an office role.
If we were independently wealthy, ok. If not, it’s financially irresponsible, and I would not be pleased with somebody who was willing to take that kind of risk with their family.
Woman here, previous SAHM who ruined her financial life because of it… I ran my homestead, raised and homeschooled my five children. But when the marriage didn’t work out, my degrees were no longer relevant, I had been out of the workforce for so long I couldn’t go back into the field, and was left seriously struggling. I’m finally getting myself back on track after six years. I just want to say that if you go this route, make certain that you also have a savings and retirement account. Possibly consider doing occasional gigs to keep your work experience relevant. Best of luck. It truly is amazing as a lifestyle, as long as your partner has your back. Typos edited.
High earning wife with big tits pls and ty mr genie
My wife was a SAHM when our kids were young. Then when the kids were school age, she found a job that coincided with their schedules so that we could make them a priority. Now that they are grown (18+) she works a good job, making good money from the comfort of home. This worked excellent for us.
I think the whole concept, particularly in today’s economy, of a discussion around this, where only two options are on the table, is overtly reductive and of low value. It’s pointless to frame it just like this at a time when the vast majority of potential and actual parents living together, do so from monthly check to monthly check. We need as men and women to start talking about how we can support young couples and young families as much as possible, in terms of a social movement and government policy.
It don’t matter what she does as long as she a freak in the sheets at least 3 times a week.
Career driven and high earning for sure. So much more flexibility and freedom with life. I’d never want to be chained to a single income if we can avoid it.
Honestly, I’d take a SAHM or I’d become a SAHD if we could afford it but alas. If you’re raising animals and growing vegetables, that would offset your expenses somewhat. Also the savings on the childcare and the comfort of a neat home and home cooked meals will lead to less stress for both of you.
At the end of the day, it comes down to “can you afford it?”.
If you can and he is hesitant, maybe give it a shot for 1-2 years and go from there. He’ll be able to decide for himself after experiencing it instead of relying on the input of internet strangers.
When I was married I wanted a partner, I married twice gainfully employed better educated than I women who seemed to have their professional lives together
Both decided that they wanted to be the domestic partner, and just stay home, including my second post vasectomy wife.
Having to rebuild my life twice and permanently lost all trust for women and I am in a better place now.
Before you get too attached to the SAHM and mini farm lifestyle you need to check and make certain that you can accomplish those things as a single parent because your husband might be more flexible than I was, he could easily see you abandoning your career to be June Cleaver as a betrayal.
Have you even spoken with him about this?
Whatever it takes for her to happiest and most present in our marriage
Career driven and high earning for sure. So much more flexibility and freedom with life. I’d never want to be chained to a single income if we can avoid it.
Neither of us has or wants kids. Both do pretty good. Very happy, we each joke that the other needs a second job so we can stay home. Honestly, though, we both love and enjoy working.
my wife is an acupuncturist. She’s great at what she does and I respect her career, so I’m very appreciative that she’s put her business on hold for a few years while being a SAHM to our young children.
Having someone to take care of the kids that isn’t a paid stranger makes sense. Ironically, you have to work more to pay for the childcare so you can work.
I don’t need a SAHW/M for me. I’m pretty self-sufficient. Most of the women in my family have worked so that isn’t a thing for me.
The hobby farm thing you are taking about sounds like hell to me so I can’t relate.
All that matters is the math. Can you make the money work if you are a SAHM? Will the loss of income be made up in savings elsewhere? If not, then no.
My wife made more than I did, she was miserable at her job, and I liked mine. We paid off the mortgage and the rest of our debt from savings, and she quit to be a stay at home mom. Financially, it was like a pay raise – lower taxes and hardly any outflow. We put the rest into savings.
My wife got to be a SAHM from elementary through high school, which made her happy. We continued saving and we got to retire early and built a house on a nice hunk of land.
20 years later, it was one of the best decisions we ever made. Knowing we can live comfortably with the life we want is so much better than a career.
I would say SAHM. But Im also not the type to care about luxuries so the extra money means nothing to me.
My wife was a SAHM. She is a great mom and etc etc etc but neither of us are the kind of people who are just naturally enthusiastic parents. We don’t regret the kids, I love them more than anything, taking care of the two small children is far more draining than work and that is also true for my wife.
It made sense for her to be a SAHM, but she got a job offer with a much better salary than what she had previously earned. For us, full time daycare (at really good daycares that we love and that are enriching for the kids) and two working parents and more money is a better lifestyle. She was drained, I was watching kids as soon as I got home from work, it was tight even on my good income, the kids had worn out stressed caretakers. It’s better now.
I want her to be able to fulfill her goals and needs. Whether that is as a SAHM or as a career. I would live to earn enough that my wife didn’t have to work. Although she has told me, even if I did, she would still want to have a job, just a job she enjoyed rather than chasing the dollar. I just want her to be happy with our life and family, and she wants the same for me. That is all that matters.
My ideal situation is a wife that has a high-earning remote job and I have a high-earning remote job, so we can be flexible with our childcare, earn a lot, and not need to deal with a commute! But I recognize that is not everyone’s reality, so then I think SAHM for the first few years and then pivot back to the workforce
It’s not a binary decision.
My wife went to work for herself. Works about 25 hours a week, makes full time money, can flex her schedule to be there when the kids need her. I basically keep a job with the healthcare benefits.
If SAHM is the best way to help the family AND give them fulfillment okay. Some women want other things.
All this stay-at-home stuff is great until divorce hits you.
Id rather have 2.5 kids a dog and tonnes of disposable income than 6 kids.
I’m only taking a sahw if it comes with all the other benefits of patriarchy like on demand blowjobs and no chores.
why does it have to be either or? There are plenty of degrees in the middle that work for people
I personally prefer someone who has passion and ambition. That might be for low wage work, it might be for high wage work. It might be focused on family or something else.
I want someone who loves me. Someone who will sacrifice for our family in their own way, but with just as much love and dedication as I do.
Personally, while money doesn’t solve all problems, it certainly can help avoid a great number of them. I would rather someone who can earn more money, and ideally we both look to retire younger than not. Chores suck. Earn more to have a housekeeper if needed and possible and still have money left over.
OP – one thing I would ask, are you running away from the stress and pressures of work? Or are you running towards the job of managing a household? The second one is fine, the first one is not.
I’ve had both. My wife used to have a high paying, high demand career, but a few years after our kids were born, she decided to quit and take a different job teaching (for a fraction of the pay) that better aligned with raising our kids. On the outside, I was very supportive of her decision, but I was freaking out inside a little bit, wondering how we were going to pay for things and maintain our lifestyle.
It turned out just fine. We made some adjustments, and I was able to move up in my career and make more money. The flexibility that we gained with her career change allowed me to make more money.
A few years after she started teaching, she had a car accident and took a break while she recovered. That break turned into being a SAHM full time. Once again, we made some adjustments but it all worked out in the end.
I can tell you that it’s been an absolute blessing for our kids to have a mom that’s very present and devoted. We both could tell a big difference in their development, confidence, and relationship with us once my wife was able to be home with them. Up until then, we’d relied on babysitters and nannies to fill the gaps in child care.
Now that the kids are becoming teenagers, my wife is considering returning to work, and I fully support her decision. Best of luck with yours.
I’ve had both. My wife used to have a high paying, high demand career, but a few years after our kids were born, she decided to quit and take a different job teaching (for a fraction of the pay) that better aligned with raising our kids. On the outside, I was very supportive of her decision, but I was freaking out inside a little bit, wondering how we were going to pay for things and maintain our lifestyle.
It turned out just fine. We made some adjustments, and I was able to move up in my career. The flexibility that we gained with her career change allowed me to earn a considerably higher income. I started making more money by myself than what we had been making combined. Our finances and lifestyle didn’t take a hit.
A few years after she started teaching, she had a car accident and took a break while she recovered. That break turned into being a SAHM full time. Once again, we made some adjustments but it all worked out in the end.
I can tell you that it’s been an absolute blessing for our kids to have a mom that’s very present and devoted. We both could tell a big difference in their development, confidence, and relationship with us once my wife was able to be home with them. Up until then, we’d relied on babysitters and nannies to fill the gaps in child care.
Now that the kids are becoming teenagers, my wife is considering returning to work, and I fully support her decision. Best of luck with yours.
Is it too much to ask for both?
Obviously not at once. If we have kids, stay at home mom till our youngest is 3ish. Then back to work. So we can retire early together.
I have passion projects I’d like to work on too, why would I be the only one supporting us?
To be honest, it doesn’t matter What I like or prefer. Everyone situation is unique, and you have to do what works for your family.
You should discuss with your husband is concerns are of how you can work through them. Maybe he’s scared of being the sole provider and having that pressure
I want my wife to have a career and social life outside our family. Otherwise, it becomes hell later in life. There will be despair, regret, a lack of purpose, not to mention a much smaller household financially.
This happened to my mom. She was SAH for years and had to go back to work because my dad lost job after job during the recession. My dad then died and my mom’s only social life involves living vicariously through me and my sister. She has no hobbies and very few friends.
I am the breadwinner in a VHCOL area. For the first three years, my wife was a SAHM. This year, she’s returned to teaching, and our son attends her school. I would love it if she could be the breadwinner and I could be a SAHD and just take part time or side gigs, but teaching can’t pay the mortgage. However, her income does cover tuition, and it enabled me to prioritize work-life balance more than I could as the sole earner. She enjoys not being the “primary” parent and not being 100% focused on our son’s needs. It’s better for both of us.
Id love to be able to afford for my wife to be a SAHM. I’d also love my wife to earn enough for me to be a SAHD. Neither are the case.
>My husband doesnt do well with change so he is hesitant to the idea.
What are his stated reasons for being hesitant? Surely he did not just say “I don’t like change”.
For me, I totally prefer my wife having a job. It would probably be a little easier if she stayed at home, but the extra income is necessary. But really this should be a choice between you and your husband. All of these situations are personal and it may be better to have a SAHP if you have multiple kids.
Best advice I can give is to think hard about:
-Are you prepared to limit your spending to account for lower income?
SAHM.
Whenever my wife takes some time off of work it’s a blessing. She’s very career driven and while it’s nice income wise, we see each other about 18hrs/week collectively. I work a lot as well but I’m more flexible in my hours so I’m doubling up working, rushing home to take the kids to school, picking them up, running around doing house work then rinsing and repeating every day. I work overnights mostly while doubling up going home at 7, taking the kids to school, working some more and repeating the cycle.
We can make it comfortably on my income but she’s finally at a point where all of her hard work is paying off so I’m in no position to ask her to stop working, especially since she’s worked hard over the years to get to where she is.
I joke around a lot about being a SAHD and if I didn’t work overnight I could do it easily, but being sleep deprived really takes me to a dark place where I feel like I don’t even need my wife here. However, when I’m well rested and she’s home I feel the opposite.
I never want a stay at home partner.
SAHM no contest
Career driven. Not only does 2 incomes make things a lot easier in the difficult modern economy, but neither of us are anywhere near as at risk of finding ourselves in a terrible financial state in middle age.
If one person sacrifices their career, not only will that family have a much lower rate of savings, but the lion’s share of that will (not necessarily unjustly) be awarded to the stay at home spouse in a separation. So one party starts from few assets, the other has limited earning potential. Neither are ideal at 50. I hope to be retiring around 50, not starting over again.
If a SAHP became a requirement/desirable, I’d hope to each go to 2 or 3 days.
SAHM? In this economy??
I’d rather earn enough that my wife could stay home if she wanted to (she wanted to when our kids were little, but we couldn’t afford it). If she’d rather work, that’s fine. I wouldn’t care if she made more than me.
High earning wife.
I still work, we live on her salary investing what we can of what is left and we invest all of mine. This way we quickly amass a lot of money. We both retire young as a result.
Winning.
The latter is better, IF you can handle it. If you aren’t making enough then you have to make some tough decisions. I make 6 figures and highly value my woman at home taking care of the kids. It sets them up for success and love and happiness. Life is not all about money you know. What’s the point of being richer if it means sacrificing your children’s wellbeing? It could come back to bite you one day. And my girl would prefer SAHM too.
I think a plague on America (as with some other countries like Japan) is that we prize career success over everything. Both men and women, everyone is doing the same thing. And SAHDs often get ridiculed or are seen as lesser or can’t “wear the pants” anymore. We aren’t very good at balance, equality, companionship. We may be too selfish, ambitious/competitive or obsessed with power.
It’s going to be a TON more work for you as a SAHM, and you may find it is difficult to return to the workforce. I imagine part of your decision is based on a pending transition out of the military.
Also, you should be aware (probably already know) that three or more kids is way way way more work than going from 1 kid to 2.
Had them both with the same woman. SAHM version is definitely better, as long as you can comfortably afford it.
Different strokes for different folks. I can see the benefits of both. My wife and I could comfortably live on my salary alone with our 3 kids but we also want to make sure we have enough saved to retire when we want to and put the kids through college. I’m okay either way as long as my family is taken care of.
SAHM with gardens and livestock is a full time job unto itself. I’ve been a SAHD and I highly advise you check the going rate for each of the tasks you’d prefer as a single mom (so much for house clean, so much for cooking, so much for transport, etc) for your local area and factor that into your decision making. This really clarified for us how much cash value the SAHP brings to the table.
I wouldn’t care which one I had as long as that’s the choice my wife made. I want to pursue my career goals and I want her support for me to do that. I think in turn I should do the same. Additionally a wife who’s unhappy with her position in the family will lead to a wife who is unhappy in her marriage. As long as the kids are taken care of and both me and my wife are dividing up that work in a way that makes both of us happy I’m okay with either option.
High earning spouse makes a huge difference. Raising your kids vs a nanny also makes a huge difference. It just depends on what path of sacrifice you’re willing to take.
Neither.
Just a normal woman with a job that has normal hours just like I have normal hours.
I’m no fan of stay at home moms/wifes/gf whatsoever, I know from experience that you have nothing to do most of the time and I’m not someone who is willing to support a adult financially who doesn’t provide anything back that’s worth mentioning.
There’s no right answer. My wife is currently a SAHM. And I love that. But we barely make ends meet. I do mean barely, as in sometimes we’re dipping into savings to cover costs. Basically, I NEED to have overtime opportunities to make this work.
But logistically, we have no clue how we’d make it work if she went back to work. Between my schedule, and getting the kids to school, and soccer practices and grocery shopping and house stuff, and random doctor visits… A stay at home parent feels not like a luxury, but a necessity.
Having another income would help tremendously. But it also would create a wealth of other problems, for which the solution would be, “having one of us stay home would help tremendously.”
Ideally; stay at home, home-maker. Aka Mother.
I couldn’t afford such a luxury. so I had to change my career to a more lucrative path that I’m not as passionate about, as I prioritized having a HOME built by a loving Wife/Mother. That’s the least I can do for our family! Anything else and I would have failed our kids.
Granted, If I wasn’t making enough money to support all our needs, I would prefer if she works. Equally, if my wife prioritized her career over the kids it would be her decision to work too.
Ps; in my opinion; what you’re considering is precious and a proof that you’re the best possible person for your husband and kids. Good on you for being awesome! If more women prioritized their families and more dads chose having a home than more material possessions we’d be a much better society
When our third child came along, it made financial sense for my wife to stay home. Three kids in daycare was quite a financial bite. In fact, we realized that my wife’s income basically paid for daycare with about $1000 left over each month.
So, it made sense for her to be a SAHM. We tightened our belts a little and made it work. And our lives were pretty easygoing as a result. The house was clean, the laundry was done, and we had dinner every night.
But my wife has a degree in finance and her CPA. She found being a SAHM was fun for a while, but it got really boring for her. So when our last child could enter preschool, she entered the workforce again, with my absolute support.
At almost the same time, I took a work-from-home slot. So suddenly, I was the one getting the kids out the door, doing the shopping and chores, and taking the kids to their zillion activities. I might get up early to get work done, resume once the kids made it to school, then finish up after the kids went to bed. Again, we made it work.
Today, she’s the CFO of a sizeable company and enjoys fulfillment in her job. The money is fantastic, too. She now outearns me by a good $30-$40K a year, even more in those years when her company pays a bonus. And I think that’s fantastic.
I guess what I’m saying is this. As someone whose marriage has been in both worlds, there’s nothing wrong with either if you can make the money work or you don’t sacrifice the quality of life in the family.
I want to stay home.
Every time, stay home.
You are master at home & slave at work.
With pre-college kids, SAHM. You cannot buy that time back with them for any amount of money.
In America with marriage laws like they are neither
As someone who doesn’t want kids, I’d say work unless we have pets.
If and I mean if I was to be a parent (just thinking about this makes me cringe), I’d prefer one of us to stay at home until the kids are old enough for school. Here’s why:
We can plan for one to work day and one at night if available
If there’s an emergency someone is at least home
If only one parent is able to work, the one who makes the most can work while the other takes care of the house. This would promote the idea of balance in the house instead of man goes out and woman stays home.
If I was to stay home, I’d try to find what I can do from the house for money. Like PC repair, or some sort of homestead to be self sufficient in some cases.
If pets are involved, we can give them a space they can run around in and have sufficient food and water until someone is home.
SAHM.
All things being equal (assuming I can afford it) a SAHM.
I’m just a big family person and it would be my primary reason for marriage. I’ve dated the career driven woman before (I consider it different from a woman that just has her desired career.), and there’s nothing intrinsically appealing about them being such.
Both have pros and cons. My wife is SAH right j now and has been for a few years, but extra money for college savings and vacations was nice when it was there. And SAHM will clearly stop making sense when we’re empty nesters, so it’s hardly a life-long plan for the average family. My mom was a SAHM, but my parents had 7 kids over nearly 20 years. So she wasn’t an empty nester until she was 60, and by then was very involved with grandchildren (like, free daycare 5 days a week level of involvement).
The biggest red flag I see in your post is the “small farm/homestead.” Cause what you’re saying is you want to be a SAHM, in a multimillion dollar house with extremely high maintenance costs. You want to slash your household income AND increase your household expenses. Not practical for anyone.