For those who get irritable on your period – how do you make sure not to take it out on people around you? What are ways you were able to self-soothe?
For those who get irritable on your period – how do you make sure not to take it out on people around you? What are ways you were able to self-soothe?
r/AskWomen
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I will often look at my tracker and say to someone out loud that I’m PMS-y. It helps me to put it out into the world that it’s going on. And I remind myself that although the cramps are about to start, I won’t hate everything quite so much.
I acknowledge that the emotions are likely the result of or amplified by hormones. If I’m feeling really emotional, I’ll try to get some alone time or let the person I’m with know that I’m emotional due to my period and it doesn’t reflect on them.
Bold of you to assume I don’t take it out on others.
Asking myself questions as if I were a small child having a meltdown:
-What’s wrong?
(If something specific has me bummed-out to that extent, I can probably do something to fix it. “Nothing” means it’s almost definitely hormonal.)
-What would make me feel better?
(“Nothing. Fuck off, me.” – okay, I need to avoid people for the next few hours.)
-If I were to [get an ice cream / go for a walk in the woods / have a bath / take a nap], would that help?
(If yes, go do the thing, or things. If no, keep making suggestions until there’s a yes.)
Practicing self-awareness helps. Look at yourself like a psychologist or therapist might. Asking yourself “why did I just do/say that?” Thinking through what could possibly be influencing your behavior. (Half the time it’s because I haven’t eaten.)
I self-soothe by indulging in my hobbies. Reading and playing games mostly. Eating something for taste – like not worrying about nutritional value but rather how it makes me feel. Sometimes that means a Magnum ice cream bar, sometimes that means a few slices of turkey sandwich meat, and sometimes it’s canned beets (I LOVE canned beats).
Another part of my self soothing is just not talking. Talking to people, even those close to me, takes energy and a lot of thought, so if I’m not feeling great emotionally I’ll just kind of retreat from the world mentally. I’ll still spend time with people like sitting together in the living room, but I won’t have anything to say and I won’t start conversations. Talking just genuinely is hard sometimes, so why force it, especially around people who don’t expect me to talk anyway?
I usually take out my irritation on inanimate objects, sometimes a good cry can help me be less irritable also. Otherwise I just do my best to warn the people who know me and go about my day.
I sometimes take it out on my husband and then I realize that it’s my hormones doing this so I explain it to whoever im irritated with and just try to be alone.
Self isolation works best for me, but noise canceling headphones paired with relaxing music are a good combo when I have yo be at work. Headphones are like hanging a “do not disturb” sign around your neck.
I also found a chocolate reward for good behavior highly motivating for situations where peopling is required. I am not a big fan of chocolate most of the time, but when I’m having my period I absolutely crave it. So a small piece of chocolate for holding my tongue in annoying situations was positive reinforcement for positive behavior.
i always take a minute to respond especially when im on to avoid any conflict
✨isolation✨
It wasn’t until the day that I hissed at my husband, like an angry cat, that I realized I probably needed a warning label. Now he knows, when I ask for chocolate, (which, normally, I can take or leave) it’s best to treat me like unstable explosives – throw the chocolate, slam the door shut, take cover, and if the door stays on its hinges, it’s safe.
Well, that’s how it USED to be. Menopause is a fickle mistress.
In all seriousness, if my husband asked if I needed a hug, I knew I was lashng out and would pull back to reevaluate and do like some of the other commenters.
I like to be alone, in bed and in darkness. I’m super cranky in the morning so I try to stay hidden under I have to interact with people. Today I did laundry all day, cleaned the whole bottom level of the house (vacuumed, dusted, bleached, and washed). Kept myself busy to ignore the cramps.
It’s only really noticeable when I’m super hangry.
Have I eaten?
Am I de-hydrated?
Have I slept enough?
If it’s something else, I usually like to be solitary. But tbh I don’t really like to do a whole lot on my period.
Firstly I recognise that I’m pissed off because of my hormones. I’m not invalidating my own experience- sometimes I’m just cranky because of my unfortunate condition of being a woman.
Have a cup of tea and a snack. Can be a herbal tea.
If I’m in a lot of pain, a bath.
If I’m in a lot of pain and too nauseas to move, a lemon and ginger tea and a hot water bottle.
If I’m just extremely cranky and not in pain/nauseas I go on a walk and listen to some music. Finding some nature helps. Listening to the birds and looking for my favourite plants. I know it’s a bit cringe but finding the beauty and joy in nature really helps.
Generally if I’m really cranky because of my period I just tell my boyfriend so he understands I’m not avoiding him because of anything he’s done. Then he usually runs me a bath and finds some snacks. And then I cry because it was so kind of him.
I turn into business mode where I only speak about tasks and don’t speak about how I’m feeling
Sure it can probably be kinda off putting but I figure as long as I just do that it’ll be fine
I’m aware (from tracking) that it’s going to be happening soon or already in the worst of it. I warn my SO. Then I try to keep calm in situations that might be triggering.
Mostly I keep to myself and my saltiness. I have several audiobooks ready to go.
I use an electric heating pad for cramps and have sweets on hand.
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I would tell my husband that I’m PMSing and I’m irritable.
Yes, that baldly.
I’d spend time listening to music if I could.
When I’m irritable it’s okay to just not be around people just say you’re feeling off. If I’m around people I’m just bound to get moody and they will point it out
I work with children. And I am just super honest with my team. I have pcos/pmdd/ endo and some of my side effects are gnarly. So if I just tell them that my body is trying to kill me. So they know if I’m quiet I’m not mad I’m just in pain. If I have to talk to others not in my group I usually have candy in my mouth. Chocolate relaxes me and if I eat it in pieces it gives me something to do and I try not to talk when I chew. With my partner he knows how I get so if I am in bad mood I just tell him I need a bit of space. If I wake up and I am just like fuming mad and I can’t calm myself down then I stay home. If I don’t want to deal with myself then no one else should have to either
I never felt rage until 37 and I’m scared it’s that pre menopause stuff I hear about. I want to just rage so bad some days. I pull a cillian Murphy and shut my mouth. Then I go home and rage vent to my husband, journal or exercise. Exercising in the morning is like preventative for me. It makes me so tired after doing an hour long class I usually don’t have the energy to rage. Have a snack. That sometimes helps. I feel like an old lady because another top thing that helps is popping in airpods and playing around in the garden. I called it my depression garden and it grew and grew as I needed it more. I have teens and it was a crazy time. It’s trimmed back to a manageable size but just going out there and poking around helps my soul. If exercise is preventative then gardening is my medicine.
I just tell my partner when it starts because it helps them feel less anxious about my wellbeing. I just say something like “Sorry if I cry randomly or am a bitch to you. Shark week.” For everyone else, avoid, avoid, avoid!! I’m a pretty private person irl so it usually works to just stay away from people.
Self-isolation is the only thing that does the trick. No, I’m not joking. I get irritable before it starts, and since it does always start when I expect it, I just end up messing things up with someone close because I act reckless.
I “take to my bed” with my hot water bottle and a good British mystery series a huge glass of water and if my husband notices he brings me a hot tea. I genuinely try to not be irritable but when I feel it building I just remove myself.
Nothing like a hot water bottle/heating pad, bed, snuggles from my dogs to make me less irritable.
If I don’t have the time and space to do so, I take ibuprofen, some caffeine, and a glass of water and try to count to ten before I reply to anyone.
But thus far the hot water bottle and calling it a day has worked best for me.
I take it out on a treadmill.
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I started taking 2000 IU of Vitamin D daily and this significantly improved my luteal phase symptoms, specifically irritability. Make sure you’re not vitamin D deficient ladies. It’s been life changing for me.
I take a deep breath and normally just walk away from the people pissing me off lol
I have Pmdd so it can be bad.
I ask to be left alone, do a lot of ignoring, make snarky comments in my head lol.
But I honestly recognize when I’m a few days away from my period & under my luteal phase isn’t for the weak & try to make better decisions based on this realization. Lol
I think there’s a lot to be said for giving yourself grace to just be neutral. As women there are a lot different expectations of the mood you exude vs the mood you have. To appear neutral, we have to be smiling. To appear happy, we have to be excited. And it works the opposite way. When we act neutral, we appear aloof.
So I let myself be neutral. I don’t need to be rude but I don’t have to pretend to be happy-go-lucky either. And that already takes a lot of the emotional toll off that I can focus my energy on self-regulating.
Ask again when I’m not PMSing bc atm I’m a danger to my community
I asked my psychologist about depression and mood swings that some women experience during their periods and she said: “hormones are messengers, they don’t create anger or sadness, these mood swings are the result of unaddressed emotions that come out at times when your hormones are less likely to be regulating them.”
If your period seriously hinders your ability to function either socially, mentally or physically it’s time to talk to your doctor.
I try not to be around too many people during that time because sometimes it’s just too much. I warn the people close to me what’s going on as soon as I realize, and try not to take myself too seriously. When I do fuck up and do take it out on someone, I apologize as soon as I realize.
I’ve learned to give myself space and quiet when I feel it coming on. I’ll go for a walk, put on music, journal, or just zone out with a comfort show. If I feel snappy, I try to say something like, “I’m just feeling off today, it’s not you.” It doesn’t fix everything, but it helps me not hurt people I care about when I’m in a mood I can’t fully control.
I’m pretty good at stuffing down irritation; I’ve had lots of practice with my ex. So when I notice myself doing that, I tell my husband, “I think I’m luteal, and I’m getting irritable. Please be patient with me…”
Sometimes just acknowledging that’s what’s going on helps me to combat it.
Sleep is 100% the most important thing for me in maintaining my emotional regulation, and sometimes I don’t sleep as well before my period. So I prioritize napping when I’m tired and going to bed at a reasonable time. Also like, therapy and antidepressants when needed.