I’m so tired of men only wanting casual when it comes to dating. The worst is when they act like they want something more and string you along the whole time while giving you emotional crumbs in the process. I was dating this guy recently for a month and things ended today so I’m still reeling over it and the thing is why the fuck wouldn’t he want casual? He agrees to exclusivity so he basically has a “girlfriend” who does all the emotional labor while he does what? Provide shreds of companionship when he feels like it?
The problem was when after a month I reminded him of my dating intentions and was wondering where he saw things going since this was something I talked about in the beginning. I personally was dating to see if things could get serious while it really felt like we were starting to drift on the opposite pages. It started with him blowing me off because he wanted a day to himself, making me drive an hour one way out in the heat while knowing I had no ac in my car to cut the date after an hour on the only day we had planned together for that week because he wanted a nap. Or anytime the conversations would become a bit emotional/ intimate he would deflect and avoid. Go out getting drunk with friends but leaving me on read and not telling me that was why he ignored me and not bothering to invite me, not wanting to spend 4th of July with me. Yet still breadcrumbing certain comments and things to keep me hanging and wondering if this was something more. But whenever he wanted me around or want company I was expected to be around.
When I finally confronted him about what was he actually looking for at this point he deflected for a whole two days and said he was still in the casual dating mindset, said he still wanted the same things as me. When I said I feel like it’s hard to see things becoming more if I’m just someone who he hits up when it’s convenient the truth came out. He didn’t want to prioritize anyone over his own hobbies and life and that he wasn’t ready to give me more but I could still keep hanging out with him if I wanted to because he liked that. Well of course he did. Why wouldn’t he like someone who makes him feel good when he’s bored and leaves him alone when he wants to shut off. There was no emotional investment on his end on my terms it was all on his. I’m just done.
Obviously casual can be okay for both parties if it’s pretty clear early on and that’s what both people want. I’m just sick and tired of men pretending otherwise until it starts to become too inconvenient for them.
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Next time, be done after this: “making me drive an hour one way out in the heat while knowing I had no ac in my car to cut the date after an hour on the only day we had planned together for that week because he wanted a nap. “
I am a woman who has had almost exclusively casual relationships for fifteen years now, because that’s what I want, and that’s what works best for my life. Can you explain what you mean by saying these relationships never benefit women and only benefit men?
It sounds as though you are angry, rightfully, that someone lied to you.
You’re a lot more patient than me. If a man shows you 2 signs of major disrespect in a row early in the relationship, it’s time to leave. Don’t tolerate selfishness and rudeness