My boyfriend thinks that I should help him gather money for a car, as well as help pay for tickets and fines to get his license unsuspended. I have my own car that we both use to commute back & forth and we live in an apartment together that I pay majority of the rent for. He feels that I should help him more and I feel that he should help me with the bills more as well. I am overwhelmed with paying rent, car note, insurance, and miscellaneous bills by myself. He ends up having more disposable income than me once all the bills are paid.
I will add that when we first met, he had a car & I did not. His car ended up getting repoed & we agreed that whoever got a car next, we would split the car note + insurance since we would both use it to get around. When I put the money down, he gave me 1/4 of my down payment & we split the car note & insurance. After about 6 months, we began to have problems about how we would split up our time with the car. He then told me he would rather start saving up to get his own car so we stopped splitting and I had no problem with that. We both still used the car, even though his license got suspended, he guilt tripped me into still letting him use it since it was more convenient for our schedules. Now, he feels that I should help him pay the fines to get his license out of suspension and help for a new car. It has been two years since we stopped splitting the car note + insurance on my car, and he has not saved a penny. I am on my second car now, that he did not help me get. We have broken up a couple of times over this situation because he says I am hindering him from saving his money. Yet, when we get back together, he still doesn’t have any money saved.
I have explained to him that I do not have the means to help him since I pay majority of the bills for us to survive right now. Am I wrong for not helping him out even though he helped me with my first down payment?
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My boyfriend thinks that I should help him gather money for a car, as well as help pay for tickets and fines to get his license unsuspended. I have my own car that we both use to commute back & forth and we live in an apartment together that I pay majority of the rent for. He feels that I should help him more and I feel that he should help me with the bills more as well. I am overwhelmed with paying rent, car note, insurance, and miscellaneous bills by myself. He ends up having more disposable income than me once all the bills are paid.
I will add that when we first met, he had a car & I did not. His car ended up getting repoed & we agreed that whoever got a car next, we would split the car note + insurance since we would both use it to get around. When I put the money down, he gave me 1/4 of my down payment & we split the car note & insurance. After about 6 months, we began to have problems about how we would split up our time with the car. He then told me he would rather start saving up to get his own car so we stopped splitting and I had no problem with that. We both still used the car, even though his license got suspended, he guilt tripped me into still letting him use it since it was more convenient for our schedules. Now, he feels that I should help him pay the fines to get his license out of suspension and help for a new car. It has been two years since we stopped splitting the car note + insurance on my car, and he has not saved a penny. I am on my second car now, that he did not help me get. We have broken up a couple of times over this situation because he says I am hindering him from saving his money. Yet, when we get back together, he still doesn’t have any money saved.
I have explained to him that I do not have the means to help him since I pay majority of the bills for us to survive right now. Am I wrong for not helping him out even though he helped me with my first down payment?
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> I feel that I am the asshole because I do not want to help my partner get themself a car after they helped me get mine.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Personally, I think you should reconsider the whole relationship with this freeloader.
NTA. He’s a waste of space and is using you. Tell him it’s his suspension and his problem. He’s costing you enough without expecting even more from you. Better still, get rid. You are worth more than this.
Why are you letting the loser with the suspended license drive your car at all?
ESH. You suck for letting him drive your car with a suspended licence. That voids your insurance and could leave you in debt for your lifetime if he is responsible for an accident. You also suck for staying with such a leech. He sucks because he is a leech and has no redeeming qualities that you have written about.
He “ends up having more disposable income” because you’re paying his bills for him. He’s not acting like your boyfriend. He’s acting like your son.
Mommy, I spent all my money on candy! Pay these fines for me.
Mommy, I want to go play outside! You do all the chores I agreed to.
OP, I want to save money up for a car! You pay for driving, rent, utilities and everything else! Oh, and I will spent the money on something else, so I won’t really save anything.
You’re his mommy, his sugar momma, or his ATM. If this is the life you want going forward, so be it.
From the sounds of it, when the lease it up, I wouldn’t be renewing.
YTA
What is wrong with you? He doesn’t contribute to paying for the car yet gets to use it. He doesn’t have a license! He doesn’t help out as much with rent as you need. You struggle to pay the bills and he’s over there with disposable income yet can’t manage to save a penny and this man thinks that YOU should help him?
This guy is a loser. Why are you with him? Why are you valuing yourself so low that you are dumping all kinds of money into a man whose worth is basically 0? You’re going to keep doing it all, never having any safety net of money, and that idiot is going to pick up and leave and you’ll be the one buried in debt.
You aren’t TA for not helping him buy a car, you are TA for enabling this loser and staying with him. Know your value and get someone who sees you as more than a piggy bank
Huh?
He stopped splitting the car bills because he intends to buy a new car, he doesn’t have the new car, so he keeps using yours for free, and he STILL feels like you don’t support him enough?!
And what’s up with him having a suspended license and unpaid fines? That sounds like a HIM problem!
NTA unless i’m missing something here.
Huh?
He stopped splitting the car bills because he intends to buy a new car, he doesn’t have the new car, so he keeps using yours for free, and he STILL feels like you don’t support him enough?!
And what’s up with him having a suspended license and unpaid fines? That sounds like a HIM problem!
NTA unless i’m missing something here.
ESH. He’s a leech and you’re an enabler who lets someone with a suspended license drive their car, which will deservedly cause problems for you when he inevitably gets caught.
Nta. He has all this disposable income, and still can’t be bothered to pay for his fines to get his license unsuspended?? His problem, not yours. Dump him for good and move on.
NTA … how long do you intend to drag hi through life?
Drop that loser. Run while you can.
So you’re letting him drive your car with a suspended license and cleaning up all his messes? Yeah I’d hang on to your money for when he inevitably wrecks your car and it’s not covered by insurance because of his suspension.
DON’T DO IT!!! Demand a 50/50 split with all the apartment expenses (rent, utilities, food)! He is using you. I bet you do all the cleaning, too. This would be a deal breaker for me. Stop getting back together with this guy and move on to someone who is responsible.
NTA
This is a horrible relationship. Ask yourself what has He done for you lately?How many bill has he paid in the household in both your names? HE is using you for your money, car apartment and Food….He is taking and giving you Nothing in return…..Why Are you in a relationship with a guy like this? HE shouldn’t be driving your car if he has no license to drive…I am sorry but you gave me a headache before 10:00 in the morning….You deserve a relationship that isn’t one sided. He is paying 20 percent you are paying for Everything…You should value yourself more than to be treating him like your spoiled child…..Think about it… He will leave when ge finds a woman who has more money a d a better house situation…
DO NOT LET HIM DRIVE THE CAR WITH A SUSPENDED LICENCE!
You’re not responsible for him losing his license, or his car being repossessed, but damn, you are partly responsible for any fresh damage he does while driving your car on a suspended license – you’ll have zero chance of avoiding legal liability. Because he WILL eff up again.
If he’s got more disposable income than you, he can pay his own damn fines and save some of it for a beater when he’s got a license again. Then he can drive and it’s on his dime.
You have me torn on judgement, overall; for the question you actually asked, NTA. (But letting him drive while suspended… ugh.)
NTA
Run, don’t walk- away from him. He’s going to expect you to pay every thing for him.
If he gets pulled over in your car, they’ll impound it. He’ll likely get arrested, and who will pay for the impound and bail?
Start getting distance from him. Don’t pay for anything else of his, and don’t let him use your car. He won’t change, and you’ll carry the both of you until you stop it.
NTA. Your boyfriend did put money towards the purchase of your car. It would only be fair that you help him. However if the dummy has his license suspended, he brought it on himself. Paying for that rewards stupidity.
Are you an AH or just a massive sucker? I vote YTA and a massive sucker. Walk away from this demanding loser now. Although, truthfully, I have serious doubts that anyone dumb enough to let somebody without a valid license drive their vehicle has the intelligence to walk away from this mess.
NTA – this guy is a leech tbh. he barely contributes financially – what else does he bring to the table?
NTA. Helping with a down payment isn’t a lifetime subscription to your wallet. If he can’t save in two years but still has more disposable income than you, his real issue isn’t money—it’s priorities.
Full stop, he has a SUSPENDED LICENSE and your still letting him drive your car? Your going to have it impounded the next time he gets pulled over AND if he’s in an accident I’m willing to bet the insurance will drop you as a customer at best and will refuse to pay at worst.
If he doesn’t have a license, your insurance doesn’t cover him in the case there is an event. Stop doing this!
and please take it from someone who used to live with a leach. Stop letting him bleed you dry. It only gets worse not better.
NTA
This man sounds like a future-faking hobosexual that is full out taking advantage of you.
Don’t enable this loser. There are so many better, responsible men out there. You can do so much better.
NTA. The government has decided this dude needs to not be on the road. They’re not always right, but I’m with them on this one.
You are letting an uninsured, suspended drivers license DRIVE YOUR CAR
YTA
nta for the ? but you are to yourself. Why are you still with this person?
Esh you’re the AH to yourself. Stop letting him drive your car when he doesn’t have a license. It’s illegal and you could also get in serious trouble.
He’s the AH for everything else. Leave and find someone better than him.
You’re letting him use your car while his license is suspended???? You realise you can lose your car because you’re allowing him to drive on a suspended license? Not a bright move. You’re being used, and you’re an AH for allowing him to get away with it.
Seriously, why are you with this absolute anchor?
You’d only be the asshole if you continue to fund this siphon.
Tell him that you need to start sharing ALL expenses and he is responsible for his own tickets and fines,, etc…otherwise it may be time to kick him to the curb—he sounds like he’s more interested in what he can get from you than being a partner!
He’s a loser