I feel like I communicate clearly to my partner on my wants and needs for different situations. There have been several instances of her acknowledging that she heard what I was communicating to her, however she did not follow through or listen and then I get upset, she gets upset over my reaction and it blows up into huge argument. It has gotten to the point where I have to record conversations now because she tells me things happened a certain way or was said that I know are incorrect or exaggerated. After listening back to the arguments, there is some clear gas lighting happening compared to her words and texts. The arguments are getting worse and worse and I don’t want this to be my future.
I have had my issues in the past, and she has been there for me and gave me second chances and I feel like it would only be fair to do the same. She slightly acknowledged her behavior, went to her first therapy session, and we have had a few more fights since and I just want it to be over. I know 1 session isn’t going to do anything, but she is going back to denying her behavior and all that and I just am so done.
Over the last 10 years, she hasn’t contributed anything to our growth or goals. She has been stagnant in her career, no raises or promotions at all and has barely tried until recently. Her family can be toxic and she does nothing about it, her dad has said the N word at dinner and no one did a thing about it. I am also ashamed I did nothing; I have in the past with my own family but I didn’t think it was my place to do so. We have had discussions about saving money and budgeting, yet she keeps planning back to back trips and vacations with her family and not trying really.
I have too many flaws and issues of my own to list like anyone else. But I have been working on growth and improvement. I am very ambitious and driven, I have goals to be financially set for future, I want a family, house and all that good stuff. She says she wants those things too, but does nothing to contribute to those goals. I communicated my expectations and set boundaries, she disregards them and provides some sort of excuse or explanation. I do get upset and not react great, then the whole argument turns into focusing on how I react and not what caused it. I am so sick of this cycle, I am ready to just leave and call it quits. I just am torn on throwing away a 10 year relationship without giving her a chance. I love her, if she does work on things I could see a future, but I don’t know if she actually will. If anyone has any experience, insight or any advice at all I would appreciate it.
TL;DR – after 10 years, I have realized this isn’t the life I want with my partner, and not sure if she’s willing to try.