As a bisexual man, I’ve had difficulties expressing my attraction without receiving disdain from others. Although I’ve had relationships with girls, people still assume my attraction to women is fake and I’m just a closeted gay man. a good number of straight women find the thought of dating a bi man as unappealing while their male counterparts see bi women as a plus.
male loving male intimacy is seen as something gross, while girl on girl action is “really hot” to most people. Bi girls can get away with being “straight passing”, but if a man even hints that he likes guys then he will (apparently) always pick them over girls. I wonder why that is.
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This question is just one of those people can’t answer truthfully on Reddit. You risk your account if you do.
Because homophobia is directed more at men’s than it is at women. Most men don’t find it sexually repulsive the thought of two women being sexual but we do for men. I’m not homophobic but I wouldn’t want to watch gay porn if that makes sense
“Lesbians are hawt” says the knuckle dragging brain
Double standards. Hate to be that guy but they’re alive and well in the world.
Culture plays a large part in that, so you will probably end up with more unhelpful answers than not.
In my part of the world it is generally accepted with little difficulties from those that ive talked to.
I’ve thought the same thing. As a man who was previously married to a woman, I have found a great man and married him and he’s a great husband. Do I still have sexual interest in women? Absolutely! But I have found a really great partner and companion with my husband
In my limited experience the STD risk was a big thing. I had quite a few women say they wouldn’t take the chance with a bi man because they might catch something.
There’s also the assumption you’re on your way to being gay and will leave them for a man (interestingly, bi women report similar fears from lesbians).
And that was the end of my bi-curious phase.
I have heard the ‘hot’ thing is actually kind of unpleasant for them as men think they will be open for threesomes.
Women hooking up with women doesn’t make them more masculine (in the eyes of people that care about their partners being bisexual). Whereas men hooking up with men is often seen as more feminine. Most women aren’t attracted to feminine men, they’re attracted to masculinity. So for those women who see men hooking up with men as feminine, it makes those men less attractive.
I feel like this is a no brainer –
Straight man like woman. What is better than a woman for a straight man? 2 Womans. Whats better than that? 2 womans with straight man.
Straight man dont like man on man.
I feel like I did a pretty good job with the caveman dialect.
Because when a woman is bisexual, it’s a straight male fantasy.
When a man is bisexual, it is not a straight male fantasy.
It’s really that simple.
Idk, for whatever reason women just unanimously find it gross and disgusting, I’m sure there are exceptions but 9/10 times be seen as an issue, had a friend who was bi, but you wouldn’t be able to tell unless he talked about it, I’m pretty sure him being bi led to the end of each of his relationships or prospects. Sad tbh.
Fellow bi-guy here. I 1000% agree with your sentiment.
General homophobia and also the same reason a lot of men get jealous about sex toys. The idea that your partner has desires that include something you can’t provide is a breeding ground for insecurity.
It’s probably the same reason why lesbians are/were more acceptable than gay men.
Lesbians are not only typically over-sexualized but also they are non-threatening to what the mainstream defines as traditional masculinity. People who follow rigid gender roles are more threatened by male homosexuality because it threatens the traditional male gender role.
Isn’t it the implication of anal?
Not that lesbians or straight couples don’t, but it’s not as forefront.
I know it’s a “wrong” answer, but it’s much more attractive to see two women kiss than two men. Even putting aside the sexual component, it’s cute to see two women pawing at each other like playful kittens, and there’s a sort of inherent non-threateningness to it. It feels very natural.
Homophobia, thats why. Men sleeping with men was seen as a taboo in the western world for a long time, and to many homophobes it still is. Women werent even thought of as being capable of sleeping with each other until well after the victorian age, so bi woman are just kinda seen as straight women who are willing to have threesomes , whereas bi men are still seen much like gay men were snd are. Its not based in logic but in fear and hate stemming from centuries of cultural oppression.
It fits more within the straight male fantasy.
Not fair obviously but the world remains a hypocrite.
Women are always judged more nuanced than men, where it’s a lot more black and white.
Same reason why you have plenty of average good looking women, but only ugly or hot men and nothing in between.
But why exactly that phenomenon exist, I can’t tell you.
Because it’s hot. Let’s be honest, when most of us see women kissing, we’re turned on.
My (little) experience is:
Men when a woman likes men: Cool, maybe she likes me
Men when a woman likes men and women: Hehehe threeway babbyyyy
Women when a man likes women: Cool, maybe he likes me
Women when a man likes women and men: He is a gay man.
Gay men also are treated poorly compared to lesbians. Also, there are countries where being gay is illegal, but being lesbian isn’t.
Double standards and general homophobia
The Bible is a strong cultural source of homophobia and it only mentions (and forbids) gay sex between men.
same sex male engagement is less masculine than same sex female engagement detracts from femininity. Both men AND women seem to feel this way. No its not fair but it is what it is.
Men find the thought of 2 women having sex arousing. Women find the thought of 2 men having sex disgusting.
“Dick wins”
It’s called patriarchy-coded heterocentrism, which tends to define all forms of male sensuality or overall sensitivity as gross or corny. And yes, it sucks.
There is a bias in society that paints masculinity as “better” than femininity. A woman dating women is seen as emulating an aspect of masculinity, thus the woman is “uplifting” herself.
But being attracted to men is feminine, so a man dating men is “lowering” himself.
Woman having sex with a man = perceived as effeminate
Woman having sex with a woman = perceived as effeminate
Man having sex with a woman = perceived as masculine
Man having sex with a man = perceived as effeminate
As you can see, there is no perceived “gender mismatch” when women have sex with other women, but there is when a man has sex with another man. I don’t claim that this is right or wrong, fair or unfair, but it’s hard to get around the fact that men having sex with men is the “odd grouping out” here. It’s the only one that creates the perception of a gender mismatch.
A woman’s sexuality is not taken seriously by many due to prior societal standards influencing thoughts today. It’s why many men do not respect lesbian couples and assume it’s just a phase. Or many men may open a relationship and not feel insecure with their female partner sleeping with other women, but may feel more uncomfortable if she wants to sleep with another man.
As far as why bisexuality is more condemned in men, it’s for a variety of reasons. Men are stereotyped to be the dirtier gender. So the idea of two men having sex is not seen as sexually enticing especially when there is an involvement of anal play. Many also find anal play gross because of potential fecal matter and also unnecessary for sexual pleasure.
Additionally, anal sex is more risky sexually in terms of contracting STDs (namely HIV) so that is an additional stigma. Men are also stereotyped to be more sexually promiscuous and reckless sexually if given the opportunity. So that leads to an assumption that all bisexual men engage in risky (unprotected) anal sex with a multitude of one night stand sexual partners. Also, many bisexual men due to the wider amount of options, will be assumed to struggle with the concept of monogamy (or respecting boundaries in poly or open relationships) due to a stereotyped insatiable male sexual drive.
Another stigma is that many men who proclaim to be bisexual realize that they are gay, resulting in many believing it’s a step to coming out and not a fully realized sexuality. Additionally, even though most bisexual men end up in a heterosexual relationship, they tend to be quieter about their sexuality and lived experiences. So often, many individuals’ exposure to bisexual men is limited and influenced by stereotypes and negative media portrayals.
Because patriarchy. Women having fun with other women does not endanger the power structure. Men having fun with other men means their access to sex cannot be controlled by keeping the women inaccessible, hence they are not subject to exploitation the same way.
I dunno the real reason but I can think of some explanations
Whilst it’s something I haven’t seen too often, I have seen this in people. When I have seen it in people, it’s usually more directed at bottoms, or guys who at least are into receiving. I’ve never heard any judgment of bi guys I know who are tops.
Interestingly, the same judgemental guys had similar views on straight men who were into pegging; they couldn’t understand how a guy could be into it without being at least bi.
I think bi women have the inverse problem where they call themselves bi and people assume they mean straight but will kiss girls sometimes for male attention. Bisexuality in general isn’t as acceptable to people probably because it’s easier to compartmentalize people into either gay or straight. There’s no solution besides just like, living openly and proudly as a bi person
Because it’s a lot more common…
Bisexual male as well here, and it’s the same with lesbian/gay social norms, but those have been improving. Just like with trans people, Bi’s are just easier to hate and erase. People always seem to need to hate someone and targets shift.
Tell a woman you as a man had a homosexual experience. Lol
In a male driven society, it’s usually something dumb like, “two chicks is hot!” And for a man it’s, “you can bed a thousand women, but if you touch one dick, you’re a f**.” It’s preposterous, largely because insecure straight men don’t want to sexualize man on man intimacy, but it’s cool to obsess with woman on woman. There’s probably a lot of insecurity involved with it.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
deep-rooted homophobia and rigid gender roles. acceptance hinges more on male fantasies and patriarchal views than actual understanding.
Because men, unfortunately
Because men love to see two women “do it”.
Because liking men is typically associated as a feminine quality and women don’t like feminine men, neither do other men (I’m generalizing.)
Whereas liking women is typically seen as masculine. Women don’t care if other women are masculine and men just see a masculine woman as one of the bros or as a “challenge.”
Because men are much more likely to be homophobic than women are.
Women have been seen as more flighty, emotional and childish. They can do a lot of things that men can’t do.
This would be better in AskWomen ? Personally I only date bi women, no exceptions. Not sure why women don’t do the same.
For example women find bissexual men less masculine
Because one of society values place on woman is to be sexualized. Men get it too but never the severity we let it, so it’s more acceptable.
I think it is becoming more accepted, just at a slower pace.
But I know what you’re saying about the straight women. I think they love gay men because they see them as women, in a way. Bi men are still men to them.
Maybe that’s oversimplifying it a bit, but I don’t feel it’s too far off.
I don’t know if this is true anymore, but back in the day, a lot of gay men believed that bisexual men were rarely actually bisexual, and instead believed that most bi men were actually gay men who couldn’t yet accept that they were gay, and we’re trying to keep one toe in the straight pool.
Maybe that particular stigma has gone away over the years, I dunno, but that was definitely a thing in the 80’s/90’s.
To be clear, not my opinion, but I think there was very much a feeling amongst a lot of straight guys that…
Bi guys are just gay guys pretending to be a bit straight. Bad.
Bi women are straight women who’re willing to do sex stuff with other women. Awesome.
Stigma. A bi guy is often seen as gay. Even by other women. Like he’s tainted. Or secretly in the closet.
Tbf actual gay guys can also have problems with the bi man. Slme see it as practice relationships, so there’s backlash, like he hasn’t figured it out yet.
Honestly, homophobia is still very rampant.
‘Sassy men’ trend on social media? That stuff adds up.
I would imagine also women supporting other women more.
Some men tend to be a bit weird about it. Like it makes a person less masculine.
Dumb tired clichés or stereotypes, basically.
Because the idea of other men’s bodies is generally more disgusting to people than the idea of other women’s bodies.
Because (generally) straight men are turned ON watching 2 women kissing and straight women are turned OFF watching 2 men kissing.
Sexism, homophobia, fear of women or being perceived as feminine, women and feminine things being seen as lesser, take your pick.
A woman who bangs men and women is a woman.
A man who bangs men and women obviously also gets banged by men. That’s a woman. You don’t want to be a woman, do you?
Some straight women don’t want to fuck a feminine guy like that. Some gay dudes think the guy’s just lying to himself for appearances or something.
A whole lot of “I find women attractive and don’t find men attractive so it makes sense women would too” from straight dudes.
Straight guys watch lesbian / threesome more than women watch gay / bi male porn
Because homophobia towards gay males is more common than other forms of homophobia
Male on male penetration spreads STDs like wildfire. Women have enough risk being with a heterosexual man, let alone a man who has doubled the playing field, and therefore doubling the risk. As a woman, this is the only thing that really terrifies me about the whole situation.
It’s a man’s world.
Caveman explanation of how gender roles often lead to homophobia:
Man strong
Woman weak
If man do what woman do, man weak
If man sleep with man, man like woman
If man like woman, man weak
It can be a little bit more nuanced than that but that’s the gist of it.
This one is super easy. If a bi woman has to choose who is easier to deal with and date then a man wins everytime. Women simply aren’t as threatening. Now if a guy can choose to be with a woman or a man then they also choose the man because he is easier to deal with and date. You think straight women want to have to compete with men in term of who is less drama to be around? I’m not bi but if I was I couldn’t imagine dealing with women when men are always and option.
My theory is around penetration. Men penetrating other men is seen as being worse than women (being born without the means to naturally penetrate) having sex.
I don’t have, nor am I offering an opinion on the matter, but that’s why I think it’s looked upon differently.
Because society is sexist. A woman who turns towards women ruffles no feathers because people care for women, so it seems natural. A man who turns towards men is nothing but a selfish hedonist because he turns away from his social responsibility to look after women. Also, women’s sexuality is desired while men’s is reviled. Combine two desires and you only get more desire. What’s does two revulsions combine into?
It seems like every millennial woman is bisexual now so I think a lot of men don’t believe it. I know several who say they are but haven’t had any experiences with women.
The patriarchy likes lesbians*
*attractive porn lesbians, not Subaru sales event lesbians
Virtually every girl I have been with experimented with other girls as a teen. It was safe – no chance of pregnancy and penetration wasn’t involved in most cases so they felt like it was less intimidating. At that point in their life the idea of a boy cumming inside them, of his body being inside theirs, of him leaving his sperm inside them was scary-icky for almost all of them by their accounts.
So being with a woman felt safer, gentler, more romantic.
In contrast they all were universally turned off by the idea of boy on boy sex for exactly the same reasons. Penetration.
They all liked girl on girl porn, boy-girl porn next and none of them liked boy-boy porn. A couple described boys bodies in porn ugly and girl’s bodies as beautiful, explaining that as why they preferred lesbian porn. A couple also noted that they saw more violence in heterosexual porn, more gentleness in lesbian porn.
Some of them were into threesomes but only with two women and a man. Again the same reasoning was given – penetration and violence.
Talking with them it seems to come down to the penetration and the deposition of sperm inside another’s body. Plus the violence.
Several were surprised they said that as adults real sex with real guys was not violent.
As adults all but two of them love heterosexual sex, penis-vaginal, oral with swallowing, a couple deep throat, two anal. Interestingly none of them like condoms. As adults a few of them are still bi but most of them switched to just men after age 21.
Sample set size: 13 (not a statistically sized sample set)
Because a couple (hot, they need to be hot) chicks kissing and groping is hot, a couple guys kissing and groping is gay. That’s the way the world works right now
As a bi guy, I’m working on just not caring anymore. No matter what demographic you find yourself in, there will be people hating you for it. It’s all too easy to see the bad over the good. Be upfront about your sexuality and your desires and it will act as a filter to get all those shitty people out. Yes, there will be some heartbreaking moments in there, but they will help you find your people. Good luck!
As a bisexual man, I’ve experienced similar. Frankly, when a woman is bisexual, she’s a male fantasy, but when a man is bisexual he’s a fag (to straight men) or denying his sexuality/trying to be “different” (to gay men).
I think a lot of significance is placed on a women’s physical appearance and their ability to capitalize on it so a man that isn’t interested in it or a man that has more options is a threat.
Simply put society doesn’t collapse when women don’t adhere to their gender norms.
Society DOES collapse when men as a majority don’t adhere to theirs.
Cold hard truth. Its monkey brain tribal thinking that doesn’t fully pan out in the modern world but there IS some truth to it. Gay men (bi men too bc they are viewed as gay) on average aren’t viewed as masculine. Ooga booga toxic masculinity clubs other toxic masculine tribe trying to get us. Sissy boy tribe no club back we take their fire. Its why men AND women get repulsed by it.
Some reddit dork is gonna comment “bro i know a uber dark hole belt bjj kickboxing expert that could twist you into a pretzel and he would wear skirts and sip mai tais >:((((“
They just aren’t viewed as capable.
A lot of this originates with Christianity / Judaism and centuries old perceptions of what it means to be a man or a woman. I’d actually like to point you to a phenomenal podcast by a guy by the name of Dr. Dan McClellan. He’s a scholar of the Bible and religion and he very specifically approaches the text of the Bible from a non-dogmatic view. His podcast is called “Data Over Dogma” and the goal is to explain concepts from the Bible from the perspective of the history and the plain reading of the original languages to the best of the scholarly consensus without the Evangelical or proselytizing overtones.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gW6w-AOiKNM
He states that based on the cultures present in the time, the problem was less to do with the concept of homosexual attraction and more to do with the sexual norms of the time as concerns control and property. In the BCE world, women were seen more as property than anything else, and women were the people to whom penetration was done. So to be a man receiving penetration from another man was to take the same sub-human role as a woman and that was considered debasing and humiliating. It had little to do with feeling romantic feelings toward other men and more to do with being the receiver of the sexual act that was designed to subordinate.
Hence the prohibitions on it in the Bible. Do those prohibitions apply to modern life? Of course not. These were the perspectives of bronze age goat farmers who didn’t know why seasons happened. But modern religion only has a 2000 year old goat farming manual to follow and everything they do is an interpretation or negotiation with the text to make it fit a culture it absolutely does not belong in.
So because misogyny and toxic masculinity have never fallen out of favor, they conveniently ignore the parts about shellfish and mixed fabrics and loving your neighbor and instead, they hate the gays like the three or four verses written on parchment and papyrus a thousand years before the Black Death tell them to. Being gay is worse than being a woman which is pretty bad according to them.
As a straight man I absolutely understand being attracted to women. So women being attracted to women is also easy to understand. I do not understand being attracted to men. Men being attracted to men does not make sense to me. Women being attracted to men also doesn’t make sense to me but I need it to exist otherwise no woman.
You know why.
God, I’m kinda surprised that’s still a thing. I remember experiencing that shit in high school but since then I’ve kinda curated my social circle to avoid that bullshit.
As to why, there’s a pervasive notion that same-sex attraction among men is “depraved” and “gross” while same-sex attraction among women is “innocent” or even “sexy”. This has to do with how straight men and women present their sexuality in our culture, with men being accepted as more crass and forward (often to the point of horndog stereotypes) and women being expected to be more “chaste” and reserved lest they be known as a slut… even though those same guys secretly love sluts. Then people look at same-sex attraction through that same lens and reduce it to Bambi lesbians and glory hole gays, for former being “just gals having fun” and the later reminding people of the AIDS epidemic.
But that’s just my bisexual two cents on the matter.
Women. Many (not all) straight men don’t mind in the least if their female partner is bisexual and has had same sex partners in the past. Many (not all) straight women DO mind if their male partner has had same sex partners in the past.
I am totally non-homophobic but I have my views on this. I’m well aware of the Kinsey Report, but I have a feeling bisexual men lean more on the homosexual side. In other words they’re more turned on by a man than they are a woman. I may be wrong and forgive me if I am.
One Theory I have is that men have to have an erection to perform but women don’t. You could just stick some lube in the vagina. Another theory I have is that women give birth to both genders, where men don’t. Males and females suck on women’s breasts and they both came out of her vagina. Women are more comfortable being physical with both genders.
Also, males naturally are turned on by femininity. The female genitals are designed to receive the male genitals. Men don’t have a place to receive a male other than the anus. I understand that males who are turned on by males are born that way and that’s just who they are. It’s not uncommon for bi males who have experience with women, to come out as gay later on. It’s a confusing subject and I guess there are no real answers. Only you know how you react to each gender. Homophobia is often a person’s attempt to cover up the fact that they might have homosexual tendencies. There was a study done where they put a sensor on the penis and showed male porn and the guys who swore that they had no reaction actually were detected as having a reaction. Most straight men aren’t turned on by men.
I remember when I was a young adolescent and my friends would whip out their dicks and masturbate in front of each other. For me it was a shock and a turn off. I don’t consider myself homophobic at all. I worked as a hair stylist for 30 years and have been straight my whole life. But I totally accept homosexuality and I’m not being judgmental
Bi guy here and I find that most guys these days don’t really care. For a lot of guys, a bro is a bro regardless of his sexual orientation.
I do agree with some people who say that a lot of straight women don’t care for bi guys. They often find it gross and a turn-off.
It is what it is.
If you treat hotness as voltage (as Electric Six argued you could), then women are wired in series, and men are wired in parallel.
It should be noted that bi girls get the same kind of phobic comments from lesbian women, that they’re secretly straight, etc. Overall it’s women that are less tolerant to bi people. Bi men get more flack from straight women than from gay men, and bi women get more flack from lesbian women than from straight men.