Girls can’t just be happy on their own and expects you to do things to make them happy or keep them happy. Not my job. It’s easier to just lease them at this point. No need to date.
For whatever reason, the last few women I dated, seemed to assume that we were going to get married. And they were seriously pissed off when I told them that was not going to happen.
Mind you, I made it clear when we met that marriage was not on the menu. At all. Ever.
Too much women who burned down men. Dating a woman, asking how her past relationship was. No comment = affirming she’s toxic. Just greener grass dating. And that’s a nope for me. Never going to date any woman who is BPD, avoidant, narcissistic. I’ve unlocked all.
Working so hard on myself to be in shape, having money and having my house only to fuck a bunch of mid girls who acts so entitled wasn’t a good experience.
I find it so exhausting to make such an effort to get to know someone just to either get ghosted or you go on 1 or 2 dates then never see them again.
Not to mention the countless talking stages that never make it to a date. I’m a very homely guy, I don’t venture out often outside of work and when I do it’s with friends. So im essentially stuck to relying on dating apps which are absolutely abysmal for anyone that isn’t top 10% looks wise
Went on a date with a girl and started asking the normal questions like “ where were you born? What’s your favorite color? How many brothers and sisters do you have? Etc etc.” and in the middle of asking one of them I just remember thinking to myself. I can’t keep doing this mundane dance
Lack of effort from women and the amount of work I must put in for an initial message or to entertain them. I say I got a high match rate, but usually they don’t respond even with a well crafted message based off their profile.
I personally didn’t give up on dating. I just gave up on relationships. I’ve always been chill, respectful, and open about myself and my feelings. But after being constantly manipulated, let down, and “played with”, I decided to “play the game” right back.
I feel like a piece of shit when I’m leading somebody on. But if I have to choose, I will always protect myself before anything else.
Got to the age where dates felt more like job interviews. Like I was being considered for a position rather than as a person. I’m fine with dating, I’m just less actively looking and more on generally socializing.
When I was single at one point I just felt I always got the: you have to yopu have to. and I am sittign there like, we are two in this date. But I also met a girl that took advantage of me in a very bad way |
Forcing myself to go on dates with girls I’m not that excited about, just to “put myself out there”. From now on I won’t chase anything and I won’t ask anyone for a date if I’m not genuinely excited or curious about that person.
My ex was a lot to deal with and it’s actually kind of peaceful now, something I hadn’t experienced since I was 20. I am enjoying the lack of drama, and I don’t want a relationship with another needy person who seems to think my whole function in life is to make sure she is happy and taken care of. I live with my children and we rarely have issues, fights, or things that need to be seriously addressed.
I have a little fun occasionally with a few women that I have met who understand how I feel about it. I don’t see myself getting into another relationship until the kids move out.
Online dating has become a thing of me trying really hard to “say the right thing to get her attention”, and them just writing back 3 word responses.
It’s like…don’t bother to match with me if you aren’t going to engage. Even if my opening liner is not the best thing you’ve read, it shouldn’t change the fact that you want to talk.
I had an LTR from age 23-25. Ended poorly. Took a year off to work on my problems (therapy, new job with higher pay, getting in great shape).
Came back to the dating pool excited to get back out there. While my personal work had served me well in terms of having options (I can get on an app and have a date with someone moderately attractive at least by tomorrow), I’ve been on about 50 dates in two years. Had a few STRs in there (one 3 months and one 6 months). The whole time I just focused on being a good partner and being myself. And they’ve all ended because the girl says they “don’t feel it”, whatever “it” is.
I’m just burnt out at this point. I don’t see a lot of purpose in dating intentionally anymore—the same dance of interview-type questions on dates 1 & 2, paying $150-$200 a date for a nice dinner or fun activity, just to get shut out. I’m not saying I saw a future personally in all these dates, but I was open to seeing where things went.
I think in summary I’m just not sure what women want anymore. Apparently not me. But I’m not the type to settle and would rather die alone. I’ve leaned out of the apps for now and am just seeing if someone randomly falls in love with me, because at this point I’m pretty burnt out of the apps scene.
Young women these days have high standards and only want men that are in the top 20%. The top 20% have charm, intelligence, money, good looks, etc. It’s called hypergamy. It’s real and it sucks.
I have a simple request: “If you ever want to break up, that’s fine. Just please give me closure and feedback so I can self improve.”
Ghosting leaves me wondering what it was for years.
I even get a promise or “I would never ghost you. I cant see you doing anything that would make me do that, promise.”
Then I get ghosted without explanation. Considering its from girls that say they value honesty, loyalty, and cant see why people would lie, it makes me think I have a corrupting effect that errodes morals.
Since I think I’m being very reasonable in my request to at least be given closure. So no explanation makes me think that they did what they knew would cause me the most harm.
At the same time, they probably felt hurt enough to feel the need to do that even if it meant breaking promises, knowing I wouldn’t.
So if I have that effect on people, I don’t want to potentially corrupt someone else I end up liking.
I have a childhood friend who’s now a model. Like “New York Fashion Week and luxury brand ads” model. He was in town so we caught up at my place and I saw him swiping on his Hinge account.
Dude showed me his matches and this guy had spent two days in town and could’ve fucked half the neighborhood if he had stayed another two, meanwhile I’ll get two or three matches a week – and maybe they’ll answer back on a good day. My IRL prospects aren’t much better either.
Seeing him put 10% of the effort I do into dating and being 1000% more successful was a bucket of ice water to the face, and it made me realize there’s room for improvement before I put myself back on the market.
A few years ago I had enough when the last three girls I went out with or spoke to had boyfriends/husbands and didn’t tell me.
By the third one I was so fed up I did a social media lookup within the first couple of days of talking just to find out for sure. Of course, social media pics kissing a boyfriend. Sick of it I confronted her and she claimed it’s an ex and hasn’t used the account in years. However the photo was uploaded 2 weeks prior.
Luckily I met someone awesome a year later and have been happy since!
My work schedule has always been hell and for a long time would change every other month or so. I worked random shifts starting at 2am or as late as 5pm. So the best way to try and meet someone was apps. After scrolling to the end of multiple apps and only getting like… 3 real people and a handful of bots… sorta gave up. Ill still open an app and swipe like 5-6 times before getting discouraged again.
Have only had 2 dates in about 10 years. And have had some talking to just get ghosted cause my schedule didnt let me really do things on weekends. Beyond that schedule probably won’t really change in that regard for another few years and I’ll be in my late 30s. Feels kinda late for anything real at that point…
Most women acting like they are the prize and the entitlement they have from all the attention they get on social media, apps, and when out at bars. I don’t even know how people get in relationships anymore because it seems like if you focus on one woman and give her too much attention, it’s a turn off, then at the same time if you don’t give them enough attention they move onto someone who will give them what they want. As a man you’re constantly walking on egg shells and competing with tons of other men.
Catfished 3 times in a row, and the last one was more interested in her phone and taking a picture of the food than eating and talking to get to know each other. It is much cheaper and less hassle to just go to some shadier subs like (your town’s name) gone wild, and just hookup and go home satisfied for a few weeks,
Corporate ownership and monetization of the social components of our lives. Corporations have been way too successful at convincing the populace that using their dating apps is not just “the best” but the only means to meet people. I hate it I’d rather be single than buy into a system that charges me money, forces more ads down my throat, and, most importantly, DOESN’T WORK. I abhor participating in any way.
I set my life up for a family, I really got serious about dating in my early 20s and the women that would even go out on a date with me had nothing to offer me, got fed up then. Stopped looking around 26-27, I’m 34 now and got back into the dating apps, same thing but now all the women have 2-5 kids. Wasn’t one that I even wanted to take out on a date.
The quality of ladies available to me is so low it’s not worth my time. Half of them are narcissists who can’t hold a conversation and expect life to be a Disney movie.
I’m a few more days away from saying fk it.
I’m 3.5-4 years away from paying off my house, I’m partial owner of a vacation property so I’m like now would be a good time to have a kid or two if I find the right lady, I’ll have plenty of income, won’t even need hers, have a bunch of fun stuff to do. But it’s just never worked out.
Guess I’ll end up being the rich uncle the nieces and nephews get a big check from when I pass away.
It takes 30 seconds to send a “thanks but I’m not feeling it. Best of luck” text after a 1st or 2nd date. If people are aggressive or weird then block them.
It’s just not worth it. My last girlfriend was my LAST girlfriend. After 7 years, she bailed on me with a text message.
So you may now ask, did I cheat? No. Was I abusive or mean to her? Never once. I must have not planned dates, brought flowers, paid for dates? Wrong again. I did everything I know how to make her happy. To make her know I valued her and keep the romance alive. I did everything I knew how to make her feel supported and loved and cared for in every way I could.
So what did happen? My dad broke his hip. For a few months, I had to focus my attention on caring for my family. Suddenly, I didn’t have the same amount of money and time to spend on her because my family needed me to help them. Those few months were enough to throw away 7 years together. And she was a nurse, so I figured she’d understand the need to care for family you love. At least that’s what I’d hoped for. And it’s not like I ignored her, I just took on some responsibilities to help the family while dad healed.
So yeah, you just cannot do enough to keep a woman happy. You can do everything they ask, even think of some extra stuff to do for her, and she still may just bail on you despite everything.
And, just for the sake of putting it out there, this wasn’t some rando I met at a bar. We were from the same town. The same graduating class. Part of the same friend group even. We liked each other in high school but never got together for one reason or another. Reconnected in our 40’s and hit it off. Went to dinner to catch up, started seeing each other, and built a relationship. I held her when her dad died. I would go wait at her apartment for deliveries so she didn’t have to miss work, took her out nearly every weekend, held doors, planned dates, opened the car door every date night. I did everything I knew how to do to make her happy, and I still lost.
If you can’t win the game with the deck stacked that well, you can’t win at all. So I’ll never try again. The juice, as they say, just isn’t worth the squeeze. And, for whatever it’s worth, since we split up I’ve been pretty happy after a reasonable mourning period. I was certainly blue for a while after we split up. I missed her, as one does. But I’ve rebuilt myself and am doing pretty well alone. I’m Gen-X, as such I’ve been self sufficient since age 12. Further, I was an only child. So I know how to keep myself entertained without others around. It’s a pretty nice life, all things considered. Being alone doesn’t equal being lonely. Good friends, an adult kid, hobbies I enjoy and a job I like is all I need. And I have those things now.
Just nonstop rejection, especially the ones I never saw coming at all, and the sheer amount of novelty I have to inject into dating.
A relationship is a choice but I feel surrounded by women who view it as a reward for their own accomplishments and self-assigned social status. I will work on my relationship, but I will never accept it’s a job – I already have one of those.
I (49M) can’t identify THE thing that did me in, but I can provide some key factors:
Women in my age range who claim to be single, but are actually married. Add to that the number of women who support this. It makes me wonder why bother dating? If I did find someone single and potentially marriage worthy, what are the chances they would do this to me?
Women in my age range who follow trends set by girls on TikTok. No one had a clue at that age; there’s no reason to lean on them for guidance.
Recently divorced. I don’t feel like dealing with other people and doing all the work that goes with it. If someone were to just “fell into my lap”, maybe, but otherwise, I’m fine by myself for now. I don’t think I have it in me to care at the moment.
A couple years back, the woman I thought was a great catch told me that she’d been a sugar baby for awhile. Kinda don’t care anymore. I’d still like a wife n kids, but im about aged out of having the energy to be a good active dad.
Found out this girl, who I was really into at the time, had a whole bf while we were talking 💀. My already bad trust issues got way worse. After that whole ordeal I just decided to focus on my self and not even concern myself with dating lol.
Lingering trust issues post divorce. Working through that in therapy. I like to go out for fun with women, but at this moment in my life, I’m actively refusing to let it go anywhere more than casual meals and friend-type dates. I make sure to communicate that openly. It’s amazing to see the reaction. One woman takes it for what it is, and we enjoy those little friend dates. Every other woman immediately goes into pursuit mode. They think they’re sneaky and hiding it, but it’s so obvious. I don’t say anything about it, it’s just instincts at work, but I get quite a chuckle over it.
I’m burnt out on having good women in my life leave at some point. I like dating and meeting new women, but it’s getting harder to care about investing in them when it seems like they have no loyalty, and men are treated as replaceable, or they are doing you a favor. If you’re a shitty person I understand them leaving, but when you’re not it just makes you grow colder to even caring.
I think a fair example is if you look at tinder’s stats on swipes. Women swipe mostly on the top 10% of men (or some similarly low number) whereas men swipe on like half of the options they’re given.
Basically the 5 hot guys are drawing all the women away from the 95 normal guys.
It’s the fact that the girls I’m attracted to show me no interest but whenever I’m not really feeling a vibe, the girl is always into it. I’m not sure if there is something fundamentally wrong with the way that I think but I’ve been on a lot of first dates from dating apps, and the ones where I have a strong attraction to the woman never work out, but the ones where I’m feeling pretty meh are always where the girl is interested.
To echo what many have already mentioned, countless talking stages that don’t amount to anything is probably the most prevalent occurrence for most of us on dating apps. But even then it takes SO much effort to get a match.
Thought I hit the jackpot when I starting talking to someone, went on multiple dates, connected intellectually, etc. only for me to realize on my birthday that I was getting ghosted. So yeah, I’m pretty fractured and just tired. I deleted fucking everything. Not just the apps but all my profiles. It’s not worth it.
Comments
Marrying my wife
Too much work just to get a date that probably won’t even work out.
My entire life women have treated me with open hostility, was pretty easy to give up.
Last relationship was so mentally draining.
Girls can’t just be happy on their own and expects you to do things to make them happy or keep them happy. Not my job. It’s easier to just lease them at this point. No need to date.
Spend hundreds of dollars on first dates and failed talking stages with people who arent even interested in learning about you will do that.
I didn’t get burned out on it, I simply met someone and didn’t screw it up. We’re married now.
I enjoy(ed) dating though – it’s fun to meet new people, talk, go places, try things, etc.
The assumptions.
For whatever reason, the last few women I dated, seemed to assume that we were going to get married. And they were seriously pissed off when I told them that was not going to happen.
Mind you, I made it clear when we met that marriage was not on the menu. At all. Ever.
And yet….. they still went there.
Too much women who burned down men. Dating a woman, asking how her past relationship was. No comment = affirming she’s toxic. Just greener grass dating. And that’s a nope for me. Never going to date any woman who is BPD, avoidant, narcissistic. I’ve unlocked all.
Working so hard on myself to be in shape, having money and having my house only to fuck a bunch of mid girls who acts so entitled wasn’t a good experience.
Female entitlement in general.
I find it so exhausting to make such an effort to get to know someone just to either get ghosted or you go on 1 or 2 dates then never see them again.
Not to mention the countless talking stages that never make it to a date. I’m a very homely guy, I don’t venture out often outside of work and when I do it’s with friends. So im essentially stuck to relying on dating apps which are absolutely abysmal for anyone that isn’t top 10% looks wise
Went on a date with a girl and started asking the normal questions like “ where were you born? What’s your favorite color? How many brothers and sisters do you have? Etc etc.” and in the middle of asking one of them I just remember thinking to myself. I can’t keep doing this mundane dance
Too many breeders.
I stoped after 5 years of active dating.
And immediately after i found my wife 😍😎
Lack of effort from women and the amount of work I must put in for an initial message or to entertain them. I say I got a high match rate, but usually they don’t respond even with a well crafted message based off their profile.
The acting like they have it together, but they are really hanging on by a thread. Also, the mental health epidemic amongst women now.
I personally didn’t give up on dating. I just gave up on relationships. I’ve always been chill, respectful, and open about myself and my feelings. But after being constantly manipulated, let down, and “played with”, I decided to “play the game” right back.
I feel like a piece of shit when I’m leading somebody on. But if I have to choose, I will always protect myself before anything else.
Got to the age where dates felt more like job interviews. Like I was being considered for a position rather than as a person. I’m fine with dating, I’m just less actively looking and more on generally socializing.
When I was single at one point I just felt I always got the: you have to yopu have to. and I am sittign there like, we are two in this date. But I also met a girl that took advantage of me in a very bad way |
Forcing myself to go on dates with girls I’m not that excited about, just to “put myself out there”. From now on I won’t chase anything and I won’t ask anyone for a date if I’m not genuinely excited or curious about that person.
My ex was a lot to deal with and it’s actually kind of peaceful now, something I hadn’t experienced since I was 20. I am enjoying the lack of drama, and I don’t want a relationship with another needy person who seems to think my whole function in life is to make sure she is happy and taken care of. I live with my children and we rarely have issues, fights, or things that need to be seriously addressed.
I have a little fun occasionally with a few women that I have met who understand how I feel about it. I don’t see myself getting into another relationship until the kids move out.
Death by a thousand cuts.
(37M) Nothing in particular, nothing major. Just rejection after rejection, ghosting here, friend zoning there…for years on end. I’m tired boss…
Online dating has become a thing of me trying really hard to “say the right thing to get her attention”, and them just writing back 3 word responses.
It’s like…don’t bother to match with me if you aren’t going to engage. Even if my opening liner is not the best thing you’ve read, it shouldn’t change the fact that you want to talk.
Talking for days, sudden ghost for absolutely no reason.
Prostitutes are cheaper and more willing to pretend they like me for an hour.
I had an LTR from age 23-25. Ended poorly. Took a year off to work on my problems (therapy, new job with higher pay, getting in great shape).
Came back to the dating pool excited to get back out there. While my personal work had served me well in terms of having options (I can get on an app and have a date with someone moderately attractive at least by tomorrow), I’ve been on about 50 dates in two years. Had a few STRs in there (one 3 months and one 6 months). The whole time I just focused on being a good partner and being myself. And they’ve all ended because the girl says they “don’t feel it”, whatever “it” is.
I’m just burnt out at this point. I don’t see a lot of purpose in dating intentionally anymore—the same dance of interview-type questions on dates 1 & 2, paying $150-$200 a date for a nice dinner or fun activity, just to get shut out. I’m not saying I saw a future personally in all these dates, but I was open to seeing where things went.
I think in summary I’m just not sure what women want anymore. Apparently not me. But I’m not the type to settle and would rather die alone. I’ve leaned out of the apps for now and am just seeing if someone randomly falls in love with me, because at this point I’m pretty burnt out of the apps scene.
Young women these days have high standards and only want men that are in the top 20%. The top 20% have charm, intelligence, money, good looks, etc. It’s called hypergamy. It’s real and it sucks.
I have a simple request: “If you ever want to break up, that’s fine. Just please give me closure and feedback so I can self improve.”
Ghosting leaves me wondering what it was for years.
I even get a promise or “I would never ghost you. I cant see you doing anything that would make me do that, promise.”
Then I get ghosted without explanation. Considering its from girls that say they value honesty, loyalty, and cant see why people would lie, it makes me think I have a corrupting effect that errodes morals.
Since I think I’m being very reasonable in my request to at least be given closure. So no explanation makes me think that they did what they knew would cause me the most harm.
At the same time, they probably felt hurt enough to feel the need to do that even if it meant breaking promises, knowing I wouldn’t.
So if I have that effect on people, I don’t want to potentially corrupt someone else I end up liking.
There needs to be a term for Women-children. Like Baby Huey or Man child. Immature bitch isnt PC but its the best i have so far.
Women need to grow the fuck up.
I have a childhood friend who’s now a model. Like “New York Fashion Week and luxury brand ads” model. He was in town so we caught up at my place and I saw him swiping on his Hinge account.
Dude showed me his matches and this guy had spent two days in town and could’ve fucked half the neighborhood if he had stayed another two, meanwhile I’ll get two or three matches a week – and maybe they’ll answer back on a good day. My IRL prospects aren’t much better either.
Seeing him put 10% of the effort I do into dating and being 1000% more successful was a bucket of ice water to the face, and it made me realize there’s room for improvement before I put myself back on the market.
Women
A few years ago I had enough when the last three girls I went out with or spoke to had boyfriends/husbands and didn’t tell me.
By the third one I was so fed up I did a social media lookup within the first couple of days of talking just to find out for sure. Of course, social media pics kissing a boyfriend. Sick of it I confronted her and she claimed it’s an ex and hasn’t used the account in years. However the photo was uploaded 2 weeks prior.
Luckily I met someone awesome a year later and have been happy since!
I’m too lazy and too old. Now let me lay down
My work schedule has always been hell and for a long time would change every other month or so. I worked random shifts starting at 2am or as late as 5pm. So the best way to try and meet someone was apps. After scrolling to the end of multiple apps and only getting like… 3 real people and a handful of bots… sorta gave up. Ill still open an app and swipe like 5-6 times before getting discouraged again.
Have only had 2 dates in about 10 years. And have had some talking to just get ghosted cause my schedule didnt let me really do things on weekends. Beyond that schedule probably won’t really change in that regard for another few years and I’ll be in my late 30s. Feels kinda late for anything real at that point…
I’m not done with casual dating, but I am done with relationships that won’t be marriages.
Most women acting like they are the prize and the entitlement they have from all the attention they get on social media, apps, and when out at bars. I don’t even know how people get in relationships anymore because it seems like if you focus on one woman and give her too much attention, it’s a turn off, then at the same time if you don’t give them enough attention they move onto someone who will give them what they want. As a man you’re constantly walking on egg shells and competing with tons of other men.
Catfished 3 times in a row, and the last one was more interested in her phone and taking a picture of the food than eating and talking to get to know each other. It is much cheaper and less hassle to just go to some shadier subs like (your town’s name) gone wild, and just hookup and go home satisfied for a few weeks,
Just the sheer lack of any interaction, I don’t get likes or matches using all the premium features
Being nothing and coming to understanding the true nature of women.
Their affection is conditional and I can’t provide the conditions to warrant it. I’m not a low value male, I’m a no value male.
Corporate ownership and monetization of the social components of our lives. Corporations have been way too successful at convincing the populace that using their dating apps is not just “the best” but the only means to meet people. I hate it I’d rather be single than buy into a system that charges me money, forces more ads down my throat, and, most importantly, DOESN’T WORK. I abhor participating in any way.
I set my life up for a family, I really got serious about dating in my early 20s and the women that would even go out on a date with me had nothing to offer me, got fed up then. Stopped looking around 26-27, I’m 34 now and got back into the dating apps, same thing but now all the women have 2-5 kids. Wasn’t one that I even wanted to take out on a date.
The quality of ladies available to me is so low it’s not worth my time. Half of them are narcissists who can’t hold a conversation and expect life to be a Disney movie.
I’m a few more days away from saying fk it.
I’m 3.5-4 years away from paying off my house, I’m partial owner of a vacation property so I’m like now would be a good time to have a kid or two if I find the right lady, I’ll have plenty of income, won’t even need hers, have a bunch of fun stuff to do. But it’s just never worked out.
Guess I’ll end up being the rich uncle the nieces and nephews get a big check from when I pass away.
The lack of respect is discouraging
It takes 30 seconds to send a “thanks but I’m not feeling it. Best of luck” text after a 1st or 2nd date. If people are aggressive or weird then block them.
It’s just not worth it. My last girlfriend was my LAST girlfriend. After 7 years, she bailed on me with a text message.
So you may now ask, did I cheat? No. Was I abusive or mean to her? Never once. I must have not planned dates, brought flowers, paid for dates? Wrong again. I did everything I know how to make her happy. To make her know I valued her and keep the romance alive. I did everything I knew how to make her feel supported and loved and cared for in every way I could.
So what did happen? My dad broke his hip. For a few months, I had to focus my attention on caring for my family. Suddenly, I didn’t have the same amount of money and time to spend on her because my family needed me to help them. Those few months were enough to throw away 7 years together. And she was a nurse, so I figured she’d understand the need to care for family you love. At least that’s what I’d hoped for. And it’s not like I ignored her, I just took on some responsibilities to help the family while dad healed.
So yeah, you just cannot do enough to keep a woman happy. You can do everything they ask, even think of some extra stuff to do for her, and she still may just bail on you despite everything.
And, just for the sake of putting it out there, this wasn’t some rando I met at a bar. We were from the same town. The same graduating class. Part of the same friend group even. We liked each other in high school but never got together for one reason or another. Reconnected in our 40’s and hit it off. Went to dinner to catch up, started seeing each other, and built a relationship. I held her when her dad died. I would go wait at her apartment for deliveries so she didn’t have to miss work, took her out nearly every weekend, held doors, planned dates, opened the car door every date night. I did everything I knew how to do to make her happy, and I still lost.
If you can’t win the game with the deck stacked that well, you can’t win at all. So I’ll never try again. The juice, as they say, just isn’t worth the squeeze. And, for whatever it’s worth, since we split up I’ve been pretty happy after a reasonable mourning period. I was certainly blue for a while after we split up. I missed her, as one does. But I’ve rebuilt myself and am doing pretty well alone. I’m Gen-X, as such I’ve been self sufficient since age 12. Further, I was an only child. So I know how to keep myself entertained without others around. It’s a pretty nice life, all things considered. Being alone doesn’t equal being lonely. Good friends, an adult kid, hobbies I enjoy and a job I like is all I need. And I have those things now.
Just nonstop rejection, especially the ones I never saw coming at all, and the sheer amount of novelty I have to inject into dating.
A relationship is a choice but I feel surrounded by women who view it as a reward for their own accomplishments and self-assigned social status. I will work on my relationship, but I will never accept it’s a job – I already have one of those.
I (49M) can’t identify THE thing that did me in, but I can provide some key factors:
Recently divorced. I don’t feel like dealing with other people and doing all the work that goes with it. If someone were to just “fell into my lap”, maybe, but otherwise, I’m fine by myself for now. I don’t think I have it in me to care at the moment.
A couple years back, the woman I thought was a great catch told me that she’d been a sugar baby for awhile. Kinda don’t care anymore. I’d still like a wife n kids, but im about aged out of having the energy to be a good active dad.
Found out this girl, who I was really into at the time, had a whole bf while we were talking 💀. My already bad trust issues got way worse. After that whole ordeal I just decided to focus on my self and not even concern myself with dating lol.
Lingering trust issues post divorce. Working through that in therapy. I like to go out for fun with women, but at this moment in my life, I’m actively refusing to let it go anywhere more than casual meals and friend-type dates. I make sure to communicate that openly. It’s amazing to see the reaction. One woman takes it for what it is, and we enjoy those little friend dates. Every other woman immediately goes into pursuit mode. They think they’re sneaky and hiding it, but it’s so obvious. I don’t say anything about it, it’s just instincts at work, but I get quite a chuckle over it.
I’m burnt out on having good women in my life leave at some point. I like dating and meeting new women, but it’s getting harder to care about investing in them when it seems like they have no loyalty, and men are treated as replaceable, or they are doing you a favor. If you’re a shitty person I understand them leaving, but when you’re not it just makes you grow colder to even caring.
I think a fair example is if you look at tinder’s stats on swipes. Women swipe mostly on the top 10% of men (or some similarly low number) whereas men swipe on like half of the options they’re given.
Basically the 5 hot guys are drawing all the women away from the 95 normal guys.
It’s the fact that the girls I’m attracted to show me no interest but whenever I’m not really feeling a vibe, the girl is always into it. I’m not sure if there is something fundamentally wrong with the way that I think but I’ve been on a lot of first dates from dating apps, and the ones where I have a strong attraction to the woman never work out, but the ones where I’m feeling pretty meh are always where the girl is interested.
Lying and cheating
To echo what many have already mentioned, countless talking stages that don’t amount to anything is probably the most prevalent occurrence for most of us on dating apps. But even then it takes SO much effort to get a match.
Thought I hit the jackpot when I starting talking to someone, went on multiple dates, connected intellectually, etc. only for me to realize on my birthday that I was getting ghosted. So yeah, I’m pretty fractured and just tired. I deleted fucking everything. Not just the apps but all my profiles. It’s not worth it.