I’ve dealt with mil issues for over 10 years, my husband acts like a chicken and wont tell her anything, wont set boundaries. Mil is strongly opinionated where she only believes her opinion and wont listen to anything else, she gets very pushy. She is pushy towards me about my kids, other topics, she is pushy to the kids when they visit so they have their own issues with her which is why we’re low contact. Husband had same issues growing up with her but wont do anything even at age 40.
We are in process of moving to a new house and my husband has been involving my inlaws by showing them houses weve looked at and now he tells me they are going to contribute a big amount of money towards our new place and while id love an upgrade I do not agree because I know how my mother in law is with her ways such as ive witnessed times of manipulating/controlling comments and actions she’s done, her opinion that must over-ride everyone else, her undermining, etc but my husband wont listen as he sees nothing wrong with it. He showed her a house we are hoping for and behind his back she waited until it was just my kids around and she said “no need to get that one when theres more houses out there for way cheaper.”
She took my kids to hobby lobby and I thought that was nice but my oldest tells me that grandma told my kids that she’s subtracting that from what they’ll contribute to our new house, then I hear shes saying If they spill anything on her carpet even if an accident then she will replace her carpet and not help us toward our new house. To me she’s setting it up to manipulate, it also seems she doesnt want us to get anything comparable to her nice house. Shes always done this opinion of this would be so much cheaper, so ive been worried that any house we like her opinion will come in which is why I do not agree she should put any money toward it or be involved and my husband doesnt believe she’s said these things. Mother in law has done games like this with other topics so I absolutely believe it. I dont know why hes so oblivious, when I give him a warning about boundaries he doesn’t take it well and refuses to talk to me.
He can be confident one minute with what we agree here but insert her and hes suddenly letting her say or do anything and acting like he is incapable of doing anything, he wont speak to her or set boundaries, really feels like he puts his own wife and kids last. Im a person that really needs a person to take action and he does exact opposite then that builds up for me.
What advice do you have for me to get thru this? Am I the problem?
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Nah girl, you’re not the problem at all. If she’s already actin’ like this now, imagine the chaos if y’all take her money, hard pass. Your man needs to grow a spine, fr.
Divorce him. That’s honestly my advice.
He doesn’t want to say anything to her because he benefits from her largesse, even when it comes with a heavy dose of interference and control. He absolutely knows what you and the kids are telling him is true, but if he acknowledges it, he’s put in a position of having to do something about it. I’m afraid you’re standing alone here, and if your husband takes the money, the only way to limit her involvement is to tell her nothing. Once a house is bought there’s nothing she can do about it but complain. Good luck!
You are not the problem. Your concerns are valid. If she gives you $$$, she’s going to be even more of a nightmare. You and husband need to have a “Two Yes, One No” agreement:
https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2024/12/21/the-two-yes-one-no-rule-of-a-balanced-marriage-by-a-psychologist/
Believe me, this will save you a lot of grief. Good luck!
I would honestly shame him and tell him that as adults, you can afford your own house. As a man, he should be embarrassed to be taking money from his mother.
Don’t buy a new house. Your husnand needs therapy or you need a divorce.
He calls your kids liars, girl. And you.