Hopefully I’m doing this right because this is my first update on Reddit.
I wanted to update to answer a few questions from my initial post:
I am the only income earner, I work from home and my husband is a SAHD who mostly takes care of our other sons (7 and 3) while I’m working. I pay all the household expenses. I’m planning on saving up for these trips with my own budgeted “allowance” (this is what I call it) so nothing is coming out of our savings or even the money I give him.
He has offered to care for the baby while I’m gone but I don’t like this because in the past he has gotten stressed out to the point where he just let our middle son (a few months old at the time) cry in the bedroom while I was working out. He gets incredibly stressed with babies crying (I know, I’ve told him he needs to work on that). We also have two other kids at home and I just know it would be nightmare for him to deal with them and a baby. I know it’s dumb but this is what I’m dealing with.
Not only that but pumping freaking sucks. Of course I would do it if I felt my husband was up to the task, though.
My sister knows I would be bringing my baby to the bridal shower. She explicitly stated that I was welcome to bring him.
Although this is a bridal shower, I come from a religious family so there won’t even be alcohol. It’s basically just a get-together for friends and family to play fun bridal games and have food.
He definitely does NOT want to drive there.
I guess the only thing I may be the AH about is bringing my baby but I feel like people bring babies on airplanes all the time and especially when it’s only an hour ride, but I may be underestimating the difficulty?
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: Hopefully I’m doing this right because this is my first update on Reddit.
I wanted to update to answer a few questions from my initial post:
I am the only income earner, I work from home and my husband is a SAHD who mostly takes care of our other sons (7 and 3) while I’m working. I pay all the household expenses. I’m planning on saving up for these trips with my own budgeted “allowance” (this is what I call it) so nothing is coming out of our savings or even the money I give him.
He has offered to care for the baby while I’m gone but I don’t like this because in the past he has gotten stressed out to the point where he just let our middle son (a few months old at the time) cry in the bedroom while I was working out. He gets incredibly stressed with babies crying (I know, I’ve told him he needs to work on that). We also have two other kids at home and I just know it would be nightmare for him to deal with them and a baby. I know it’s dumb but this is what I’m dealing with.
Not only that but pumping freaking sucks. Of course I would do it if I felt my husband was up to the task, though.
My sister knows I would be bringing my baby to the bridal shower. She explicitly stated that I was welcome to bring him.
Although this is a bridal shower, I come from a religious family so there won’t even be alcohol. It’s basically just a get-together for friends and family to play fun bridal games and have food.
He definitely does NOT want to drive there.
I guess the only thing I may be the AH about is bringing my baby but I feel like people bring babies on airplanes all the time and especially when it’s only an hour ride, but I may be underestimating the difficulty?
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Ma’am, you really need your head checked. You had ANOTHER baby with a SAHD who can’t stand babies crying….. ARE YOU LISTENING TO YOURSELF ??!? Jfc, you are worried about taking your babies on a plane to disrupt passengers, but not about leaving your children with an incompetent father?????
Wake up
You are NOT the asshole! Bring the baby, you’re the mother. After reading that, I would not feel comfortable leaving the baby with him. In your shoes, I wouldn’t even be able to enjoy the trip if I were to leave my baby with him. Take that baby! He’s just trying to be controlling. He can cry about it while you and baby are on the flight there. Or drive if you want, if that’ll make things easier with him. Less germs from others.
Why don’t you talk to your pediatrician and see if they have any concerns about flying with your son? Might put everyone’s mind at ease. Or, if there is a medical issue, then you’d know that too.
You are not the first mom to take a baby on a quick family outing. This is normal. It’s not some reckless or inconsiderate act. The fact that you even worried about whether you’d be a TA shows how considerate you are. You’re not dumping the baby on someone, and the host is fine with it.
Is there a reason why he can’t go with you? I’m not talking about the actual bridal shower, but could he stay at a motel or with family members with the children?
NTA. Bring a baby bottle with watered down juice or whatever you know your baby will drink. Ear pressure can be painful, swallowing relieves or prevents that. Bring quiet toys for baby on the plane. Have a great trip!
Why do you keep having babies with a man who claims to be a SAHD but can not actually properly care for a baby if it’s crying?
Take the baby and stop overthinking this. You have enough other stuff to worry about right now with a SAHD husband who can’t handle a crying baby.
Oh goodness, lots to unpack here. Are you still on maternity leave/will you still be on leave when you go to this shower? AKA, will your husband/“SAHD” be left alone with your kids? What did your husband do before you had kids? What is his total contribution to the household and why does he feel the right to tell you that you can’t use your money to go to a special event with your family?
You absolutely should go and take your helpless son, who would almost certainly not be cared for in the way you know he needs to be, and your time would absolutely be filled with phone calls from said “SAHD” asking questions and telling you he said you shouldn’t go.
Enjoy your time with your family and friends!
Would he want to spend the money if it was his family?
Go and enjoy the event!! And definitely have your partner step up or step to the side. And.. women don’t have kids with men you can’t trust to care for them!!! Doesn’t matter if you’re the SAHM, breadwinner, etc. You should always trust dad to be able to care for baby. I know it’s fucken hard at first, or at least it was for me. But it was a me thing not him being incompetent.
Take the baby and don’t worry about that. If he can’t handle a crying baby, and you work at home, that tells me that you are taking care of the baby and working. That needs some couple’s counseling. If he’s not able to be a SAHD, then you need to find another solution.
So if your husband isn’t a good SAHD, then he needs to get a job so you can get a nanny. I am a terrible housekeeper and like my work so while I have had some good breaks with my kids, I went back to work and they were in daycare or camp when they were little (24, 21 and 15 now). My husband and I agreed that neither of us were SAHPs.
Working from home is a game changer with kids – you can use a babysitter or daycare but easier to get to kids stuff and have more time with them.
As far as taking the baby on the plane – do it. Perfectly normal – make sure to wait to feed (if you can) for take off as the sucking will help their ear pressure.
We used binkies and they were a Godsend for both soothing and the ear pressure.
Good luck and have fun.
Soooo what does your husband actually do? He’s a SAHD, can’t parent, can’t function if you aren’t there.
What does he bring to the relationship? Who is supporting you while you have a man-child?
So you make the money and he stays home doing what the fuck?
So you have two toddlers and an infant? And one toddler tells you how you can spend the money you make?
Are you staying with him cause you’re religious? I think God would be OK if you left this one.