So my boyfriend and I have known each other since high school, he was a few grades ahead of me and we had mutual friends in common. We live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone. He lived down the road from me and used to have have parties and me and my friend used to sneak out of the house and go to the parties and stuff but we were never really close at the time just friends of friends. Well of course we moved on with our lives I got with my now ex and was married and had a kid and he got with his now ex and had a kid with her. Well years later him and his girlfriend split and me and my ex husband got a divorce. We reconnected on Snapchat started talking and hanging out.
We were dating about 6 months before we started making anything public and we had our kids meet around the 4th month. Our kids are best friends they are the same age and get along great. And he is SO good to me and treats my son like his own. Well we made it official on Facebook at about 6-7 months of dating. A few hours after making it public we were in the living room with the kids playing games when I got up to check my phone my phone was blowing up. Missed calls from my dad and grandparents. I called my dad back and he started yelling and cussing saying “do you know who you’re with?! Do you know who his fucking grandma is? That is your cousin that’s disgusting.” I was completely taken back. I was trying to calm him down asking what he was talking about. He said that we were cousins and I need to end things immediately. I got off the phone and completely broke down. I didn’t know what to do so I pulled my boyfriend in the other room to ask what we should do. He suggested we go over to his grandparents and ask them.
The next day we went to his grandmas house and she said my great grandma and his great grandpa were brother and sister so we technically are cousins. Mind you I knew NONE of his family and he didn’t know mine. We’ve never saw each other at any family reunions so how was I suppose to know this? His grandma told me we weren’t close and with us already this far into it with the kids it should be fine. My grandparents and dad are absolutely pissed. They are telling me I’m disgusting and they won’t come around him if I stay.
Fast forward we’ve been together 3 years now and my grandparents still won’t come around him and still say I should leave him. It was so bad I would post a picture of us on Facebook and my grandpa would comment on them and say things like “disgusting.” “This makes me sick” I got pregnant and unfortunately lost the baby at 10 weeks and had to have a DNC and my grandpa didn’t once reach out. We also live together now and they won’t even walk in my house if they come to pick up my son they wait out in the driveway. I don’t know what to do.. I hate feeling like I’m losing my family but he is so good to me and my son and we both adore him. What should I do? This makes me feel like such a weirdo but if I would’ve known right from the start it would’ve been easier to end things but it’s so far into it now..
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Backup of the post’s body: So my boyfriend and I have known each other since high school, he was a few grades ahead of me and we had mutual friends in common. We live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone. He lived down the road from me and used to have have parties and me and my friend used to sneak out of the house and go to the parties and stuff but we were never really close at the time just friends of friends. Well of course we moved on with our lives I got with my now ex and was married and had a kid and he got with his now ex and had a kid with her. Well years later him and his girlfriend split and me and my ex husband got a divorce so we started talking on snap chat and started talking and hanging out.
We were dating about 6 months before we started making anything publicly and we had our kids meet around the 4th month. Our kids are best friends they are the same age and get along great. And he is SO good to me and treats my son like his own. Well we made it official on Facebook at about 6-7 months of dating. A few hours after making it public we were in the living room with the kids playing games when I got up to check my phone my phone was blowing up. Missed calls from my dad and grandparents. I called my dad back and he started yelling and cussing saying “do you know who you’re with?! Do you know who his fucking grandma is? That is your cousin that’s disgusting.” I was completely taken back. I was trying to calm him down asking what he was talking about. He said that we were cousins and I need to end things immediately. I got off the phone and completely broke down. I didn’t know what to do so I pulled my boyfriend in the other room to ask what we should do. He suggested we go over to his grandparents and ask them.
The next day we went to his grandmas house and she said my great grandma and his great grandpa were brother and sister so we technically are cousins. Mind you I knew NONE of his family and he didn’t know mine. We’ve never saw each other at any family reunions so how was I suppose to know this? His grandma told me we weren’t close and with us already this far into it with the kids it should be fine. My grandparents and dad are absolutely pissed. They are telling me I’m disgusting and they won’t come around him if I stay.
Fast forward we’ve been together 3 years now and my grandparents still won’t come around him and still say I should leave him. It was so bad I would post a picture of us on Facebook and my grandpa would comment on them and say things like “disgusting.” “This makes me sick” I got pregnant and unfortunately lost the baby at 10 weeks and had to have a DNC and my grandpa didn’t once reach out. We also live together now and they won’t even walk in my house if they come to pick up my son they wait out in the driveway. I don’t know what to do.. I hate feeling like I’m losing my family but he is so good to me and my son and we both adore him. What should I do? This makes me feel like such a weirdo but if I would’ve known right from the start it would’ve been easier to end things but it’s so far into it now..
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We all make choices, and you seem to be sticking with yours. Hope it works out for you.
You should cut out the cancer in your life even if it hurts.
People are going to have strong reactions to this one but honestly, you aren’t cousins. If your great-grandparents were siblings then technically you are third cousins, and that is far enough removed that any biological considerations are moot. You did not grow up as family members, and really this is a non-issue.
Blood makes you related, but it doesn’t necessarily make you family. If he treats you and your son well, and you’re happy together, that’s what truly matters.
You are 2nd cousins and that’s not too close. I would just not have children. My great grands were cousins and all their children were bi-polar and it still continues in the fam. Perhaps not because of being related but a doubling of many genes is never a good idea.
I mean… you’d been dating for 6 months when you found out. That’s really not that long. You make it sound like you had joined lives when you found out but I’m assuming you weren’t living together at that point.
You’re saying it’s so far into it now… 3 years later. But you’ve known for 2 1/2 of those years and made the conscious choice to continue this. You’re gonna have to live with the consequences.
You are third cousins. This is not related enough to matter genetically. You share .78% of your DNA (yes, less than 1%) and can legally marry in all 50 states
Great grandparents – bro and sis
Grandparents gen – cousins
Parents gen – 2nd cousins
Your gen – third cousins
IN MY MIND , you arent cousins. thats such a distant connection. screw them, live your life and enjoy it
As 3rd cousins you share .78% DNA, so pretty much not genetically related. The hang-ups are your grandparents’ and parents’, and you can’t live your life to please them. They will be gone one day and you will be left with your partner, so while you might listen any RESPECTFULLY given advice or opinions, you are not obliged to take them.
You guys are third cousins. I think it’s probably fine. (especially if you didn’t grow up w/ each other and didn’t know)
Ur building a family you chose. If the family you happen to have been born into can’t handle it, Cest la vie
Your grandparents are not too smart are they? I. Your situation grandparents are cousins, parents are second cousins and you two are what…. 3rd cousins? I’m pretty sure even the Catholic Church wouldn’t have a problem with that. Also….. did you know queen Elisabeth and prince philip were cousins?
This doesn’t really matter. It’s not genetically close enough to be meaningful.
Yeah, they’re overreacting for 3rd cousins and your family was so distant, you had no idea your whole life until they brought it up.
If you’re happy, live your life
Genetically, you are far removed from each other, this is not a concern. If you want to prove this to others, each take a DNA test to prove how little DNA you share. If you love each other, ignore you family and carry on with your lives. They are being ridiculous.
Are you in west virginia?.if so you fit right in
You are 3rd cousins. It’s not illegal to be together.
This happens more than you would think, especially in larger families.
My grandparents were from a small group of islands in the Caribbean and were third cousins. Doing my family tree, it’s a trip to see the same names pop up several times. That’s what happens when there’s a limited dating pool. Thankfully the population is more diverse now.
“We live in a small town where everyone knows everyone” and you didnt know? Or you didnt care to look into it? Incest has been occurring for centuries in this country, including 2025. Nature demands no offspring of immediate family, 3rd cousins or less in direct relation, otherwise deformities of the brain and body, eventually nature puts a stop to the incest gene pool and offsprings become infertile. Also did you know some states made people do a blood test before marriage to prevent this from happening? History is wild. . .
Your family is majorly over reacting. You are so far removed from being related, you may as well not be.
He is good to you and your son, you are happy together. Anyone who can’t accept that can be blocked.
So Grandpa likely got caught banging his cousin back in 1951 and got his ass handed to him… he is projecting!
You are very distant cousins…3rd cousins. There’s nothing illegal or immoral about you staying together.
I don’t know why your grandparents are so upset. Back in their generation, it was common to dress for distant relatives to wed. I’m thinking there must’ve been some sort of family conflict back then for the family to be so estranged that they’ve never attended family reunions and you weren’t even aware of your kinship.
First cousins isnt great. 2d cousin and beyond is fine.
You are 3 generations out and not that genetically related enough to make a difference.
Don’t let a few people get you down. Carry on and enjoy your healthy relationship.
Eta in some countries you can legally marry your 1st cousin. Not that I think it is a good idea.
Live your life , do what makes you happy. Life is short. A few hundred years ago brothers & sisters married eachother. You’re distant cousins. You weren’t raised together , you had no idea. In my opinion its totally different then 1st cousins that are raised together.
I found out my parents were 3rd cousins when i got bullied about it in school. I was pretty mad at them for being together when they knew this. that being said, I survived just fine. I think every family had something and this is your something
Don’t worry, that’s a his problem.
Your family tree is not flat, Y’all have plenty of branches. Your Gpa is closer to that other side cousin wise, so he will only like you crossed a line. Y’all are 3 generations away from each other.
Do Ancestry, I can guarantee you’ll find family members in his generation marrying first & second cousins. It’s very eye-opening seeing your families history!
OP if you love him, stay with him. I fell in love with a first cousin. We both knew it was weird and wrong and we couldn’t stop. We had sex four years daily. Sometimes multiple times a day. It was just affection and sex. We didn’t have kids. Didn’t marry. And eventually moved on. I don’t know about her but for me it was the greatest relationship I had ever been in because we knew each other.
I’m in luckily it’s not like your aunt’s kid, that would be a little weird So in the long run now that it’s figured out you’re like third cousins and all 50 states let you get married. You’re good to go!
my parents are third cousins, same as you guys, but raised in different continents lol
it barely means anything and tbh just makes tracking any potential health issues a little easier hahahaha
My parents are third cousins. It’s such a tiny percentage of dna.
Even if you’d known at the start, you’d be fine. Your shared ancestor was 4 generations back. You are 3rd cousins. Totally normal. Not gross. Not weird. Not unsafe.
Go and live your best life, and block the haters.
I dated a guy when I was a teenager and his sister had kids with her first cousin…. They weren’t raised together and met after they were both adults…. They are still together 20 years and 4 kids later. Their kids are all normal and healthy…
Block anyone who disapproves on social media. Talk to your kids, the haters may try to poison their minds against you.
In many countries it is legal for first cousins to marry. Your relationship is completely safe.
Jesus, you’re distantly related you probably share 5% DNA.
No offense, your parents are idiots. You can marry a second cousin never mind a third cousin.
Agreed to most of the comments, it’s a “nothing to see here, move along” situation. Your family is creating unnecessary drama.
So, I have been where you are. I have known my husband since I was 5 or 6, when his mom started dating my godfather. We got together when I was 21, and he was 27. We’d been together 9mo and had had an oopsie miscarriage. I was involved with both his kids, and we were living together. Christmas rolled around, and I met his grandpa, who proceeded to tell me that he and my grandma were cousins. It was… a shock, to put it mildly.
Luckily, we didn’t have the kind of backlash you did, so once we talked and dealt with the weirdness, we just moved on from it. It’ll be 15 years together, 10 married this year in October. Our kid is 7 and perfectly normal, tests in reading at an 8th grade level, and tests in math as equivalent to a 4th grader. The only issue he has that may be related is a lazy eye (it’s being treated with patching to hopefully avoid surgery) that runs on that side of the family, which he possibly would have had anyway. I’ve got 3 first cousins with it, and more than a few of their kids, too.
I don’t have advice for the hostile family members. I’m sure that’s awful. But if you’re invested and feel like the relationship is worth it, there will be no legal issues. You can marry and have kids without major genetic risk, either, unless you’re both carriers for some kind of family illness. You may look into genetic counseling. If you can show the hostile people paperwork saying there’s no issue that may take some of their worries away.
I really just came to say that you’re not alone in this. Other people have been in your shoes. It’s hard, and obviously, it doesn’t always work out. But any negative consequences are almost all social, not legal or medical. You guys aren’t doing anything wrong, whether you make it work or split up. But it’s between the two of you, not your parents and grandparents. Try to tune out the noise and focus on each other and how you feel about it.
A lot of people are distantly related! Especially in small towns. You have more than enough distance for it to be fine. Hopefully, when they die their ignorance will die with them.
The moment you throw the word “great” while describing the relations ,iys far enough away, yoire not cousins like that
i understand both sides but more so yours. You’re barely related genetically. it’s fine. dad and grandparents should’ve come around by now. not disgusting. how were you supposed to know?
With less than 1% dna…. Go for it, sis. If you’re happy, treats you and your child good, that is the person who makes you feel safe and can trust….you would be foolish to let people who judge and are clearly closed minded and negative to decide for you. Always choose love.
My Dad had 11 sisters and brothers. My Mom had 5 sisters and brothers.
I grew up in a town of 15,000 people. It was hard not to date one of my distant cousins. 😳😂!
Always became friends after finding out that information and laughed about it. Here’s another one.
My Uncle dated and later married a woman named Ann after his divorce from his first wife.
Later his dad (my grandfather ) started dating and later married her mom who was Anna B after my grandmother died. So Anne was a daughter and a daughter in law to my Grandparents. And my Uncle was a son and son in law to my Grandparents. How you like that one??
AND my heavily Catholic parents wouldn’t go to their wedding because they didn’t get married Catholic.
Your cousins, but 2 generations removed, right? You didn’t start a relationship with each other knowing this. You were really strangers in a sense. If you and he are happy, forget what your family is saying about it. If it were me, I’d rather lose my family than lose my love, who has been nothing but good to me and my kids. You might have to sit your kids down (age appropriate) and explain some things they might hear about your relationship so they are not caught off guard. In a sense, you found what we are all looking for – don’t lose it!
You are fine. That’s plenty of genetic difference unless someone more recent had an affair.
As others have pointed out, you’re not closely related genetically, and it’s not your faults that your families didn’t bother to tell you who your extended family was, especially when you live in a small town. If your grandparents are too dumb to understand this, that’s too bad for them. You don’t need that negativity in your lives. Be careful of what they might be saying to your children about it. I can’t imagine it’s good.
Tellement pas d’importance ! Je suppose que tes grands parents passent leur vie a l’église. Dis leur que tu peux demander une dispense 😊
Aimez vous, soyez heureux.
The word “related” here is a REAL stretch. No where are you two considered related. You guys share great-great-grandparents. Your family is… weird. It not legally, morally or even medically wrong. Be happy.
its fine
There’s nothing wrong with it. As second cousins you share very little DNA.
This is kinda in your parents knowing “your cousin” lived right down the road and never mentioned it.
If u are first cousins u can have u very unhealthy children both ou do DNA than uwill know for how close cousins u are
My parents refused to acknowledge my husband and I, refused to meet my children because they were adopted (not their grandchildren). When my husband died they didn’t even send a card. When my son was kicked in the head by a horse NOTHING. Thirty years later they died without me by their side.
There is nothing for you to be ashamed about when you have someone who really cares about you and wants to make a family with you.
REMEMBER: IT IS THEIR LOSS NOT YOURS.
3rd cousins are barely related. Jimmy Carter and Motown founder Berry Gordy are 3rd cousins. Hardly any DNA shared
Second cousins are not that close. You are already together. Let it go and do not let your parents have access to your kids if they are going to be so rude.
My brother married our 3rd cousin. We only met her when we were all adults. No on in the family thinks it’s a big deal. In fact, a lot of our extended family don’t even know they are related. My grandparents had at least 20 siblings combined and I don’t know all my 2nd cousins let alone the 3rd cousins and their great grandparents.
Not the point, but i definitely wouldn’t be letting anyone pick up my child after speaking to me that way.
It is legal in every U.S. state for 2nd cousins to marry and even legal for 1st cousins to marry in 17 states. A 3rd cousin marriage is no big deal at all.
Just bloc said family on all platforms.
Problem solved
This is a non issue.
Your grandparents probably have beef with his side somehow. But that’s NOT your problem. You aren’t related closely enough for this to matter. You’re fine!!