So I (29 f) recently ended my decade long friendship because she(36 f) cheated on her fiancé(32 m). For some context; her and I were hanging out at her house one night (she has two roommates one woman one man) and we were smoking and just hanging out with her guy roommate(23 m).
So some time passes and we all end up drinking some and it’s just a chill lit movie night. Also if you’re wondering where her fiancé is he is off on business and that’s all I’ll say because I don’t want to put all of his stuff out there.
Anyways as the night was winding down her guy roommate went up to his room to go to bed. Well a few minutes later my friend disappeared and I assumed she just went to the restroom. NOPE. Queue the sexual moans and I was like oh okay well maybe someone in the house is just taking care of themselves lol. Until I hear what is very clearly my friends voice moan her roommates name.
Now I’m just sitting there in the living room on the couch mouth agape because I was blown away and thought I was tripping. Nope I was very much hearing what I thought I was.
They got louder and after 30 minutes she came downstairs and looked at me and I looked at her with the “you did not just fucking do what I think you did”. The guilt was all over her face and as soon as I went to say something she broke down in tears. She confessed to sleeping with her roommate just now and I just looked at her.
I told her she has to tell her fiancé because they all live together and she told me that she refuses and the roommate said he would stay quiet as well. I just looked at her and shook my head because her fiancé is one of my close friends as well (we all met at work and they dated shortly after we all started to hangout). I told her I can’t lie for her she either has to tell him or I would.
She threatened to kick my ass if I said anything to him so l’ve just distanced myself from her even though she’s been blowing up my phone. It’s been a week now and I still haven’t said anything to her I don’t really know what to say after she threatened to beat me up.
Am I overreacting if I just cut ties?? Should I tell her fiancé? I mean he’s still my friend I feel like I’m in a morality purgatory. Sorry if this is all jumbled l’ve been trying to process it all it just feels like so much.
EDIT : I’d like to add because people are misconstruing things I’m not protecting her and I AM going to tell my friend but like I said he’s just not in town right now and it’s not something I want to tell him over the phone but rather in person. plus I’m letting the threatening texts build up as evidence. I’m asking if I’m wrong for cutting ties with her. My head is all over the place she’s never acted like this so it’s a huge curveball for me.
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Backup of the post’s body: So I (29 f) recently ended my decade long friendship because she(36 f) cheated on her fiancé(32 m). For some context; her and I were hanging out at her house one night (she has two roommates one woman one man) and we were smoking and just hanging out with her guy roommate(23 m).
So some time passes and we all end up drinking some and it’s just a chill lit movie night. Also if you’re wondering where her fiancé is he is off on business and that’s all I’ll say because I don’t want to put all of his stuff out there.
Anyways as the night was winding down her guy roommate went up to his room to go to bed. Well a few minutes later my friend disappeared and I assumed she just went to the restroom. NOPE. Queue the sexual moans and I was like oh okay well maybe someone in the house is just taking care of themselves lol. Until I hear what is very clearly my friends voice moan her roommates name.
Now I’m just sitting there in the living room on the couch mouth agape because I was blown away and thought I was tripping. Nope I was very much hearing what I thought I was.
They got louder and after 30 minutes she came downstairs and looked at me and I looked at her with the “you did not just fucking do what I think you did”. The guilt was all over her face and as soon as I went to say something she broke down in tears. She confessed to sleeping with her roommate just now and I just looked at her.
I told her she has to tell her fiancé because they all live together and she told me that she refuses and the roommate said he would stay quiet as well. I just looked at her and shook my head because her fiancé is one of my close friends as well (we all met at work and they dated shortly after we all started to hangout). I told her I can’t lie for her she either has to tell him or I would.
She threatened to kick my ass if I said anything to him so l’ve just distanced myself from her even though she’s been blowing up my phone. It’s been a week now and I still haven’t said anything to her I don’t really know what to say after she threatened to beat me up.
Am I overreacting if I just cut ties?? Should I tell her fiancé? I mean he’s still my friend I feel like I’m in a morality purgatory. Sorry if this is all jumbled l’ve been trying to process it all it just feels like so much.
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Get her to admit to threatening you via text if you haven’t already, then tell him she cheated, and that she threatened to assault you if you told him because she and the roommate were just going to lie to him for the rest of their lives.
Also take screenshots of the messages threatening you or admitting to the cheating for evidence. Then tell her that if she comes after you for being honest with her fiance, she will go to jail because you have proof of her threatening you.
Tell her fiancé and cut ties with her. Not only cheaters are not good company but she’s threatening you with violence over something she did??? Why would you want to be friends or protect her? She’s disloyal, you owe her no loyalty, especially when it’s hurting someone you are friends with
How can u say ur his friend? When he finds out and knows u knew and didnt tell him, u think he is gonna think of u as a friend?
Screw her. Tell him, she brought you into this.
I’d be willing to get my ass beat if it meant telling someone they were cheated on by their fiancee. Divorce is more expensive than an er visit.
He needs to know.
What he does after is his right. No one should have to enter into a marriage if their partner is a cheater. Let him make that decision.
Remind her again she’s got (time frame) or you tell him. Save texts for proof and evidence of threats.
This is a no-win situation. Cut ties with her, absolutely, but if you tell him you will always be the messenger.
You need to tell him asap. If she beats you up, oh well. More than likely she won’t. Blow her shit up too and let everyone know what she did threatening you too.
If her fiance is your friend then you need to tell him. That’s what real friends a decent people do. im sure you have at least one text of her threatening you so use that as proof. There’s no moral question at all of what you should do.
This is a case where you need to mind your own business. It’s fine if you end your friendship with the woman who is engaged to your friend. You don’t need to explain why you ended your friendship with your friend’s fiancé.
Then go on with your life.
Updateme
Wow. Your former friend is a real jackass. And many other adjectives as well. None of them good.
Not only did your friend fuck her roommate, she did it while you were at her house and she was supposed to be hanging out with you. She left you sitting alone in the living room, and went back to her roommate’s bedroom and had loud sex with him while you waited for them to be done. (Why didn’t you leave?) Afterward, she came out and looked at you like it was a challenge, then admitted she did it, then broke down and cried, then refused to tell her fiancé, THEN she threatened to beat you up if you told him. FFS, she is unhinged. Run!
Block her number. If she comes to your house, don’t answer the door. If she won’t leave, call the police. She threatened you. Stay away from her, her roommate, and her fiancé. If her fiancé comes to you and asks why, tell him she threatened you with physical violence, and if he wants to know more, he should talk to her.
Stay away from these people. You’re going to continue to get pulled into their drama, and when he forgives her, and they stay together, they will both blame you and hate you for it. You do not need that crap. Protect yourself.
Also, tell someone what happened. If this escalates, you need someone (or more than one person) to know what went down. And get a Ring camera.
She’s 36 and has 2 roommates? And one of them is a 23 year old guy?
Not only is she a cheater, this situation is so messed up I have no words.
You need to tell him over the phone and control the narrative or your former friend will.
Be prepared that her fiancé may not believe you.
Your former friend may say you are jealous. But the truth always comes out. Thank you for being the greater person and for not keeping this a secret.
He deserves to know, so he can make a deliberated choice.
You’re not wrong at all for cutting ties with her, you don’t need that negative low vibe energy in your life. You did the right thing.
I doubt this was a one-time thing for those two. Unless the wedding date is imminent, I would not get involved yet. The fiancé and she might naturally break up without your having to destroy your relationship with either party. Also, you can gather more data as to whether this was a one-time drunken indiscretion or part of a larger pattern of chronic unfaithfulness. Your male friend will find this information useful.
I was once in a similar situation and said nothing. They broke up on their own, without my inserting myself into their situation.
If the wedding looks like it’s going to happen but hopefully before anybody spends big bucks on deposits for the ceremony, you need to catch your male friend during a quiet moment alone and tell him everything. You owe him that.
NOR. She sounds like a crappy person and I can guarantee it’s not the first time it happened.
Tell the fiance. And go to the police if you have any proof of threat by text, just so it’s out there.
I would have recorded the sounds and her walking out of his room. Dude that’s just brutal what she did. She deserves what’s coming to her. So does the roommate.
No, you’re not wrong at all for cutting ties with her.
Not only is she trifling, she’s also stupid. She openly cheated in front of you and then threatened you. She does NOT get to control what you do with all that.
Say nothing. If the finance questions your absence, simply state that “she is not the person I thought she was.”
As if it was the first time they did it. They’ve done it a lot. It was only the first time they got caught. Your friend wouldn’t have reacted the way she did if it was the first time
Tell her fiancé and cut her off. Her threats are empty.
It’s not great but tell him now even if it’s over the phone because she will twist what actually happened and probably say that you’re making up after drinking confessing her feeling for him. You definitely need to cut ties with her because apart from the fact that you both have different morals and values she also threatened you with physical violence for telling the truth about her own actions.
UpdateMe!
You lie with dogs, you get fleas. You don’t need that shit in your life.
Wow what a piece of work, was there really no warning signs that she sucked before this?
Just copy the messages, send them to him, and let it go. It might suck to find out while you’re out of town, but it also lets him quietly arrange to have help getting his shit out of the apartment the day he gets back.
!UpdateMe
They all live together? I assume the fiancé knows the guy railing her then?
So not only is she cheating on him, in their house, but also enjoys humiliating him?
Maybe he knows and they have some kind of kinks like cleanup or reclaiming? But then, her reaction indicates that he does not know. The betrayal and the lies are even worse than the cheating frankly.
So everyone is there and smoking, hanging out and these 2 decide let’s go have sex for the 1st time , I call BS they been doing it for awhile
Nta.
Have no remorse.
No way is this the first time she’s cheated on him with you being downstairs the whole time?
I’d cut her off for sure. Especially after she’s threatening you.
Why remain “friends” with someone like her? You have to make sure your friend knows everything in case his fiancé decides to say things about you to blind him to the truth, including making him so angry that he will not speak to you
You did the right thing to distance yourself and to tell her you will tell BF if she doesn’t.
You say he is your friend. If you want that friendship to continue, you must tell him. Otherwise, he WILL find out sooner or later. What if he also finds out that you knew and didn’t tell him? No more friend.
Tell him also that she threatened physical harm if you told him. If you think she is that much of a threat and you need more protection than that, leak the info to him anonymously. It will blow up sooner or later no matter what you do. So you have the option of letting him know without putting yourself at risk.
I hope it works out for you.
‘You have exactly 48 hours to come clean on this. I will be sending all of my evidence to him at hour 49.’ She wants/threatened to beat your ass if you leak this? Sorry, sister. She’s not that friend.
Updateme!
This wasn’t the first time she’s done this. Only the first time you knew about it. Don’t let your other friend (fiance) make a colossal mistake.
What types of things is she saying in the messages? I’d be saving them to show the fiancée? And I’d also go to the police and get a restraining order since she threatened you. She stopped being a friend the second she went up to the roommates room to engage in sex with him as you sat in her livingroom. Disrespecting not just her fiancé but you. Putting you into an uncomfertable situation. I’m sorry she treated you like that. And the Fiancé deserves to know and have a friend who will be there for him.
Also Update pls once the 💩 hits the fan.
You’re a good person, don’t change and follow your gut
cut ties and tell
Get the evidence, then tell fiance. He needs to know. And dump the friend.
Sounds like it was a normal occurrence. How naturally she just went after him and got into it. I’d say it has been going on for a long time.
Get better friends.
You are the company you keep. Kick her to the curb. She’s not taking responsibility for her actions and threatening to harm you. She’s not a good friend.
Updateme!
Update me