Help.
My husband (26M) and I (26F) got a call from his grandfather yesterday which started out with him asking if he were to go on a trip, would we be willing to watch his house. Of course, we said yes. He then goes on to tell us about a woman he met on social media and has been talking to for a while now. She runs a restaurant in Thailand and they have talked about him coming to visit. Well now he is dead set on going to Thailand. For an entire month. At the end of July.
My husband and I have talked about this and have an long list of concerns on why this isn’t a good idea – he doesn’t know this woman, he’s going to a foreign country alone, he has health issues that could flare up, we’re worried about him being taken advantage of, he’s only been out of the country once to Mexico over 20 years ago, and overall the current state of the world politically.
He is coming over to our house this evening for us to help him book airline tickets, but we are obviously going to try to talk him down from this. We just don’t know how to approach it.
We’ve spoken with my husband’s parents and they strongly agree with us. We are much closer to his grandfather as we have weekly dinners together and talk often. His grandfather hasn’t even mentioned this to his son (my husbands dad.)
What can we say and how should we approach this to show him respect in his decision but effectively voice our concerns. We understand that he is a grown adult that can make his own decision, and ultimately if he wants to go, he can. We truly have his best interest in mind and just want him to understand the risks of this situation. Please help.
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Backup of the post’s body: Help.
My husband (26M) and I (26F) got a call from his grandfather yesterday which started out with him asking if he were to go on a trip, would we be willing to watch his house. Of course, we said yes. He then goes on to tell us about a woman he met on social media and has been talking to for a while now. She runs a restaurant in Thailand and they have talked about him coming to visit. Well now he is dead set on going to Thailand. For an entire month. At the end of July.
My husband and I have talked about this and have an long list of concerns on why this isn’t a good idea – he doesn’t know this woman, he’s going to a foreign country alone, he has health issues that could flare up, we’re worried about him being taken advantage of, he’s only been out of the country once to Mexico over 20 years ago, and overall the current state of the world politically.
He is coming over to our house this evening for us to help him book airline tickets, but we are obviously going to try to talk him down from this. We just don’t know how to approach it.
We’ve spoken with my husband’s parents and they strongly agree with us. We are much closer to his grandfather as we have weekly dinners together and talk often. His grandfather hasn’t even mentioned this to his son (my husbands dad.)
What can we say and how should we approach this to show him respect in his decision but effectively voice our concerns. We understand that he is a grown adult that can make his own decision, and ultimately if he wants to go, he can. We truly have his best interest in mind and just want him to understand the risks of this situation. Please help.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I would make him do a video call with her to make sure she is legit. This sounds like a scam
Go with him. He’s 80! Let him have one last adventure (supervised of course)
Your granddaddy’s going to come back broke, if he comes back at all
Let the man party and live… Team Gramps
Is he aware or romance scams
Please visit the Scams sub Reddit. It’s very depressing and will make you hate humanity after 20-ish minutes of reading the posts there, but you will see all of the info – common scams, common excuses, advice on how to atop a loved one from losing everything.
He will get robbed and it’s probably a scam, but at 80 years old, what the hell … go see Thailand, just be prepared for the worst.
Go with him and video call her together. I’d be really interested to see her reaction to finding out you’re joining.
It’s a scam. Happened to one guy, sold everything, went to Thailand and died there.
Buddy about to be balls deep in a ladyboy
80 YO Passport Bro. Wow.
How about you guys go with him for at least the first week and check out the situation.
I mean he is 80 and doesn’t have much time to really live but also wanting to be careful.is also important.
He’s an 80-year-old adult, so you can’t tell him what to do, but you can give him the advice. Show the scams and how they target the elderly. Do not help him get tickets to go unless you go with him. I like the idea of a video chat. This might not even be a real women he’s chatting with.
Post this in passportbros sub. Because that is what your grandpa is doing or will be doing soon.
I live in Thailand. These “restaurant ladies” typically have a handful of men at a time. Tell him he’s not special to her. He’s an ATM.
With many comments saying to go with him – we don’t have the money, or the time to go on a trip to Thailand. We have just returned from a week long vacation and have other things going on in our life where picking up and going on vacation in a few weeks just isn’t feasible. If it were – I would definitely consider this as an option.
This is 1000% a Scam!!!!! There’s no way. No way.
He is sadly but obviously being scammed. There is NO version of this story that ends well. NONE.
My parents are this age and its difficult because they are adults but even in a best case scenario, they are losing their mental sharpness and don’t understand the world these days. And they are lonely and want to “feel alive”.
I would hard core refuse to help him buy the tickets. Die on that Hill.
This will sound horribly awful, but, before he goes make sure he has all of his affairs in order a will, a power of attorney etc. because it’s semi likely you may never see him again. If he has any money at all make sure it is not all in one account so that it is extra steps to take advantage of him. Try to convince him to only take 1 debit card with him not all of them. That limits the loss if something does happen to only the one account.
Second make sure your passports are up to date as you could have to travel there at the drop of a hat of something less nefarious happens and he needs help.
Third create a code word so that no one can call and pretend with a voice app to be him and scam you or other relatives.
Other than that he is an adult and you can’t prevent him from going. 🤷♀️ but with the technology today the chances she is even real are pretty low.
He’s a grown man. If he gets hustled it’s his problem and you should shame him for it.
One of you should go with him if only for a week.
If he can’t book his own airline tickets he doesn’t need to be in Thailand. Tell him he’s grounded.
Can you talk him out of it simply by telling him how hot Thailand is in July??
HIDE HIS PASSPORT!!
There’s no lady there. It’s a scam. He’ll get there and she’ll disappear.
It’s a scam. If he can’t get his tickets himself that could be your chance to stop the whole thing. Somehow make it look like there are no more tickets available. Summer vacation time, everything sold out. You will buy time to set his mind straight and hopefully the scammer gets tired if more work is needed. Can you also help his passport “get lost”? It’s not a nice thing to do but it’s to protect him.
Bless his heart.
I am only 72 and can only hope that when I hit 80 I might fly to Thailand and romance a restaurateur.
Act happy! Be like yes we’d love to help you plan! Let’s call her and make sure these days work and she can pick you up…and then get her on a call. If you go in guns blazing he will be defensive. Be a helpful friend and steer the ship through that
Just direct him to Pat Pong or Soi Cowboy with cash. He’ll come back home with tons of stories and will forget about that lady he’s talking to
My bio dad is 80 and he’s lived in Thailand for 10 years. He does have a younger Thai wife. I bet my bio Dad would be happy to talk to you directly if you’d like to get his perspective on any of this. Just DM me andI can send an email of introduction for you if you’d like.
Thailand is rampant with sex tourism, catfishing and scams. This could potentially be a dangerous trip.
It does sound like it could be a scam, or the person is “real” but it’s an act to take him for what he has, which may stretch further there. I’d say it’s fishy, considering his age and how they met online.
It’s tricky because if he’s in good enough physical health to be largely indepdent and has enough ability to orient and legally make descisions for himself, he can do as he wishes. I do think you should express your concerns, but also keep in mind that it’s possible the harder you insist this is a scam and he’s making a mistake, the more he might dig his heels in and refuse to listen, especially if he’s stubborn or particularly prideful. In that instance there’s a risk he will shut you and your family out of any information completely and leave you in the dark unaware of where he is and what’s going on. If it gets to the point where, he’s going, you want to know as much information as possible with him being forthcoming and honest.
Not serious answer, get the cat fish guys on it from that show, or also take a trip to Vietnam if that were even remotely possible, but not as likely to work out. (I don’t think the show exists and time wise that wouldn’t actually work) but I’d get as much info as possible to try to get a sense myself.
I feel like I’m constantly trying to keep an eye on my elderly loved ones and neighbors who have scammers preying on them (in person and virtually) it’s exhausting and sometimes there’s only so much you can do.
Does he have a passport? If not, can you ‘help’ with the process and throw a few wrenches in the works?
I would reach out to adult services and ask what resources they have to share about scams.
Then talk to him about safety. Ask for him to set up a video call with everyone to “meet” the woman. Get her info. Do research.
Can anyone go with him? Maybe suggest a two week stay? Then he’s not alone and as we all know it’s a scam when she sees he’s not an easy mark it ends.
I’d also gently suggest to him in this day and age you just don’t know and you need to be careful. Maybe open another bank account – different bank and neither tied to the other. I’d actually have him transfer majority of funds to new account in case he’s given her access already. Maybe he’d be willing to put your husband on the account. Talk to the bank and concerns you have. They could add safeguards – only withdrawals of x a day without your husband’s consent. I’m not sure what is possible, but I’d definitely ask.
Sounds like a scam
Has this “woman” asked your grandfather for money by any chance?
Lol, no. Tell him no. Let’s get you to bed grandpa.
Ask him to wait until next spring. If it is still a relationship, you can go with him. Tell him to take the time to learn some of the language.
Has he already sent her money?
You may never see him again if he goes..
I know yall trying to act calm but this isn’t a joke
He may be talking to a man.. I mean if that his preference but like they could be luring him..
Let the man live his life. Stop being a buzz kill
Sorry about your grandfather’s money
Don’t respect his decision. I’d go for a psychiatric hold if possible
He is probably already giving her money. Please help him not go totally broke on this woman that either doesn’t exist or is simply using him and many other men.
He will get robbed and murdered.
scam.
Crime interrupted has a podcast covering a scenario like this (“Operation Steambank”). Hope you can convince him! Good luck.
If he won’t come to terms that it’s a scam tell him you have to go with him. Delay as much as you can because it doesn’t fit in your schedule. If you have to go eventually then do but at least you’re there to protect him.
If he’s absolutely insistent, I would consider sending your husband with him. There’s NOT just the romance scam aspect, though this is suspicious as hell. There’s the idea of an old, untravelled man in a totally foreign-to-him environment. It’s insane.
You need to tell his SON… no matter the situation the parents need to know… they can help you shut this down now! This is definitely a scam and Id be afraid for him to go at all especially alone.
In stead of going all in trying to stop the entire trip, maybe try to convince him to go for a shorter time, help find touristy things he could book and do in the area. There is really no reason to go for a whole month, even if the situation were legit, which I doubt it is. It’s probably a scam at best, a set up at worst. Good luck
If he can’t be dissuaded, one of you should accompany him to Thailand. You don’t even have to stay for a month. Just long enough to meet with these people.
If it looks hinky, get him home ASAP.
I’m with everyone else here. This is absolutely a scam.
Ask to talk to her.
As a more serious piece of advice, what kind of social life does your grandfather have? A lot of of these scams hook their victims because they are lonely. Might be time to get him out into the world with some new hobbies and friends.
Contact Adult Protective Services and get ahold of his passport
Alert the whole family, and someone should hide his passport.
How together is he? Could you just hide his passport?
He’s not gonna change his mind no matter what you say.
Is there a young man ( or 2) that you know that you could either pay to go with him or who would like to go on a vacation to Thailand that you trust?
I think that this is the best, quick short term solution
Of course it is a scam.
Go with him
It would be good if you could find a young friend or relative to go with him – maybe HS or college-aged, who can help him find his way if things go wrong, but who would also love a month abroad.
“We respect your decision, but we have concerns. We care about you, and before we do these tickets, we want to talk to you about Internet romance scams.”
Mostly your words, not mine. Good luck.
Right. Go to YouTube and search for the channel called Catfished. They have a website where you can track people down who appear to be online romance scammers.
If there is no way to convince him that this is a scam, would it be possible for a family member to go with him? I know that is a HUGE ask, but it is very likely (as you know) that you wouldn’t be more than a few days.
Except honestly, I am getting more worried about this by the minute. He is 80 years old and whoever is asking him to come to Thailand knows this. Please do not let him go, because at best he is bled for every penny in his accounts while he is there. At worst…? If ever there was a case of “just say no.”
edit: Have you tried doing an internet search for the restaurant?
Ask him if he has been to see his primary doctor to get the vaccinations he needs for this trip and if his doctor has any reservations or restrictions on it.
Show him proof of romance scans and ask him if he still feels comfortable going to meet this stranger alone.
Is it possible for someone to fly with him and be there the first couple of days to make sure it’s on the up and up?
Is there a way to limit his daily limit on spending or to put a fraud alert on his accounts? My dad’s bank did this on his. They require an in person visit for any transactions above $1k and they automatically contact me if his account balance goes below $1k or above 5k. Of course I am on his account now but maybe ask his bank for advice if you can.
Does he know about scams and ladyboys?
He’s lonely. I totally understand. My 85 year old father has come close to being in that same situation more than once. He is so sure that these “women” are real and that they couldn’t possibly be capable of scamming him…they have this happy picture in their heads and they become obsessed with the idea of it. It’s overwhelming to them.
In my father’s case… he would never give anyone any money so as soon as they ask him to send money or a gift card, he’s out.
There’s a 20/20 or 60 Minutes story about these scams … I’d suggest you go find it and share it with your loved ones. They use all the same words that your grandfather will recognize… hard to hear, but necessary.
Social Catfish dot com
Reach out and see if they’ll find out if this is a scam or not.
good luck in changing his mind.- this is a very bad thing waiting to happen.
Is he sure she’s not packing a “surprise”?
Tell her to visit him.
80! That is dangerous. He might not survive
Sometimes you have to be the bad guy. Just reading your post, you are being too diplomatic. You have to put your foot down. Better to have him alive and hate you.
Will you keep us updated?
I would phrase it as something he should absolutely should do. But you know, let’s tie up loose ends first at the bank. Let’s set up some kind of trustfund and get this inheritance fixed first.